In a few weeks (ahhh its so soon) I'm heading off to college. I'm not out so I'm planning to take this as an opportunity to finally start to.. you know explore my sexuality and the like. I'll be going to a very liberal university of 40,000 people in Seattle. I'm coming from a small town of less than half that. Its going to be crazy being surrounded by so many diverse people. I know that the first couple weeks are very important for making friends so I need advice as to how I should go about it. This ain't high school I can't just buy friends with a slice of gum lol. . .I don't want to put off my sexuality among people I meet so that if we become friends I have to go through "coming out". I want to just "be out"...? In the first week there is going to be club recruitment, so I'm considering checking out the LGBT clubs as I'm sure there are several. Also I was thinking about maybe getting a very small and subtle rainbow button or something similar for my backpack? I don't want to scream I'm Gay in peoples faces, but this is my first opportunity (I have known two gay people in my life) to meet other gays and make supportive friends to hang out with and open relationship windows and such. I'm probably going to go totally gay crazy since its been all bottled up. So is this a chance to "be out" without having to "come out"?? It'd be nice to just skip that. I need a method though. I'm so excited, but scared!!
Don't come out in a rush if you are not confident. Try making friends first, casually in the college. Speak about the weather, where are you from and the stuff. For finding LGBT friends, go to the club, they might have one there. Me, I don't have my LGBT club there. But, that's the place where I enjoyed most - Engineering faculty.
Joining club's is always a good way to make new friends and just generally trying to mix in different social circles will give you a wide range of friends If you want to make gay or bisexual friends maybe find out more about LGBT clubs or societys around your college good luck anyway i hope you enjoy college (*hug*)
The first few weeks being very important to make friends is a piece of common wisdom, but I don't think it's necessarily true. In fact, mostr friends I still see regularly are people I only met in the second year of college. And every year I met new people as new classes entered my curriculum. So it'sz not as if the first weeks are the end-all of your college social life. Joining a GLBT group seems like a good idea. It allows you to get to gatherings with other gay people, talk to them, be openly gay. I don't think you really need to be too blatant about being gay when first meeting people. Usually, when getting to know people, things like relationships, whether or not you have a girlfriend etc. tend to come up. When that does, you could just mention it as if it's no big deal and out yourself that way.
Joining a club is a great way to meet people with common interests as yourself and as a support portion in your life; you'll meet great friends. As for what I do when you meet people you don't come out, you simply are out to begin with and act nothing of it. Again, sexuality should be part of your life, but you don't need to let it control your life. Just be yourself and have fun, college goes by fast and you need to enjoy it. Congrats on being out too, so proud of you
A small rainbow on your backpack, or even a pink ribbon is a great and relatively low-key way to telegraph your sexual orientation. I remember years ago at Oberlin, there were quite a few students who did that, both to identify themselves, and to let closeted students know there were a lot of gay students, so they'd feel more comfortable coming out.
Something small but visible is always good. I have a rainbow wristband I'm starting to wear publicly, but before that I put a pin on my backpack that identified me as a member of a club on campus that advocates for LGBT-ally development. It basically signified that I was approachable or okay with gay people. Your college also sounds pretty big, so I think it's almost necessary to join a club to meet anyone.
yeah, it seems like gay pride rings and wristbands and necklaces are the way to go if you want to be subtle but known.
Since you're just starting out in college, there's no reason to be "in" in the first place. Just be out and act like you own the joint, that being gay is the most natural non-issue there is. People will take their cues from you.
I wonder though about these LGBT club things though... I want to meet more gay people and hang out with them, but I'm not very into the whole gay pride/activism scene and it just hit me that is probably the point of GLBT clubs?
Don't pre-judge any organization. Be open minded, ask if you can attend a meeting to see if its right for you. UW is a big place, and getting to know people and getting into a group right away is key to your success. Hopefully you are in a dorm (Terrry Lander, e.g.) other than McMahon or the like. The more shared space there is in the dorm the easier it will be to make friends. Also, a big deal at UW is decorating your room door with something about you. Do you see a rainbow there? Just be cool, and don't rush your exploration of gay guys. I've had friends do that in Seattle and end up with some serious contagions.
Not necessarily. I never was a part of any GLBT club, but from what I understand, a lot of the time it's also about just hanging out with other GLBT folks. A friend of mine who went (though she only told me she was gay after college, lol) said it was also about just going bowling together, or go to a movie together, or just go to a bar as a group of friends. So I wouldn't worry about them being all pride, all the time. Though maybe US GLBT groupps are different than the ones we have here...
I agree completely here. Don't put too much pressure on yourself when you first arrive. You'll end up being miserable if you're constantly questioning if you're made 'enough' friends yet. Just be yourself and go with the flow - so to speak. My best friends from university are the ones I met in 3rd year when I entered my area of specialty. I was suddently surrounded be people who were very much like me, with similar interests, goals and abilities. At the same time, it was nice to have a few familiar faces during 'frosh week' that I could talk to. So by all means make it a point to meet people and talk to them, and make plans with them. And also, you might as well at the same time be open and honest about your orientation. I don't remember having too many deep conversations during the first couple of weeks. Everyone is in the same boat. I think the things you've already thought of are great - club and pin. Go with it. The LGBT club might be more 'activist' than you want, but just participate in the things you're comfortable with, and skip the rest. Good luck! I'm sure you'll have a blast.
The in one in my college is expressly unpolitical in its constitution, so that it does serve the function of a social outlet. Not that someone mightn't leave leaflets aruond abuot a march or whatever, but it's not at all about rallying the troops.
There is something about the way the pods in McMahon are set up that seems to stifle social interaction beyond the 6 or 8 folks in your suite. Once your are out of your suite it seems like everyone is on their way to class and too into their own thing to meet others. At least that was my daughter's experience last year. She spent her freshman year in Lander, where there was the entire wing sharing a bathroom instead of just the 6 or 8 podsters. Because of this broader sharing of facilities she met a lot more people more quickly. Unfortunately she made like no new friends the entire time at McMahon. She is a serious student, but she's also pretty outgoing. You will love the U, tho, even coming from a smaller community. They say that the UW, with students and employees, amounts to a community of over 75,000. That would put in into one of the 10 largest cities in the state!
well best of luck. I wish I joined the GLBT group when I was at college 7 years ago and I regret that now.
OMG we had a US citizen in our club and she was heavily pushing raising awareness (not that it's a bad thing, just that each meeting was becoming based on that). She was quite a character too. anyways, yeah a rainbow button should do, and be yourself.
Something to add, is that right now it's not so much telling people you are gay as much as it is being yourself. I'm sure back home you were in situations where you had to lie and pretend, and college is your opportunity to throw that all away. Don't be afraid to comment on cute guys, talk openly and truthfully, etc. & good luck!