Favorite gay/lesbian jokes?

How do you sit 3gay men on one bar stool?
Flip it over.

 

What did one gay sperm say to the other?
How do I find a egg in all of this s**t?!

 

I need a fag
Yes I am here

 

What do you call a gay dinosaur?
Megasoarass.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalottapus.
Lame I know.. ._.

 

There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey.
The bartender asks, "What's the matter?"
The man says, "I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend."
The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey.
The bartenders asks, "What's wrong this time?"
The man says, "I found out that my son is gay."
The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey.
Then the bartender asks, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?"
The man looks up and says, "Apprently my wife does."

LOL

 

An old cowboy dressed to kill with a cowboy shirt, hat, jeans,
spurs, and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink.

As he sat sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.
After she ordered her drink, she turned to the cowboy and asked
him, "Are you a real cowboy?" To which he replied, "Well, I have
spent my whole life on the ranch, herding cows, breaking horses,
mending fences. I guess I am."

After a short while, he asked her what she was.
She replied, "I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about
women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women, when I
eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of
women."

A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink.
A couple sat down next to him and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
To which he replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out
that I'm a lesbian."

 

A lesbian slept with 13 women in one night and suddenly died. At her autopsy it was discovered she had died from a crack overdose :lol:

 

This one is my FAV
but it's worded differently from the first time I found it.. but I still loves it

 

Three friends -- two straight guys and a gay guy -- and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and next thing you know, they're standing before St. Peter.

First came one of the straight guys and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly. "I can't let you in. You loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny."

Then came the second straight guy. "Sorry, can't let you in, either. You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!"

The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously, "It doesn't look good, Dick."

 

Does anyone ever really make straight jokes? lol

 

I don't think straight jokes would be that funny.


The only gay jokes I know are the dinosaur ones...

 

Two condoms walk by a gay bar. The first one looks at the other and says "Hey want to go get shit faced?"

 

I have. Of course out of context they would not make sense. I'm an equal opportunity offender. I will make fun of anyone regardless of race, religion, creed, sex, or orientation.

 

kind of long but worth the read.


Heather invited her mother over for dinner. During the meal, her
mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Heather's roommate
was.

She had long been suspicious of Heather's sexuality and this only
made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two women
interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Heather
and the roommate than met the eye. Reading her mom's thoughts,
Heather volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I
assure you, Suzy and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Suzy came to Heather and said, "Ever since
your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful
silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

Heather said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just
to be sure." So she sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not
saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not
saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that
one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, Heather received a letter from her mother
which read: "Dear Daughter, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep
with Suzy, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Suzy.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she
would have found the gravy ladle by now."

"Love - Mum"

 

Why do lesbians go to Sports Authority?
They don't like Dicks!

 

Thank you everyone. Elesbian47 will be here all week and don't forget to tip your waitress.

 

That's how i am! I love it when people can send it back...i hate it when people just take it. Dish it back out baby hahaha

 

Haha this is so brilliant! :lol: