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your experience as a young teen?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by treespoon, Feb 23, 2014.

  1. treespoon

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    Hi! I'm thirteen and I'm just wondering what other peoples experience was if they knew at this age or if they struggled at this age or what their experience was, good or bad. I'm currently struggling with my orientation and possibly how to tell people, especially since I'm going into highschool in four months.
    So what has your experience been as a thirteen, fourteen, fifteen year old struggling (or if you are thirteen, fourteen right now and are in the same boat as me). Does anyone have any advice? I know I get waves of feeling like everything I'm feeling is fake and I'm actually just straight, so can anyone give me some peace of mind about that? Has anyone had a girlfriend/boyfriend at my age (and was it a good idea)?
    I'm just rambling. Comment your experiences below! :slight_smile:
     
  2. ornoir29

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    I started understanding I was different at the age of 15, before that it wasn't really clear. I was confused and scared, and I admit there are things I fully understood just 10 years later. But that was because I WASTED a lot of time overthinking and lying to myself. All I can say is follow your guts and your heart in this - your mind can hide the truth sometimes.

    All in all, yes: 13 is very young. You still have many years of personal development ahead. Things may change and you still have experiences to make. Just embrace yourself whatever you are :slight_smile:
     
  3. Rosepetal

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    i didnt start dating til i was 19 lol When ur an adult u can see other things younger youth cant see,you become mature nd u see nd think im glad i didnt ate till i reached adulthood,im glad i focused on school and not on drugs and sex. i was soo mature but goofy at the same time in my teen yrs.
     
  4. resu

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    I'm 25, and I stopped struggling with my sexuality around 8th or 9th grade but remained in the closet because of family/religious reasons. What helped me was to learn about sexuality and realize that my orientation is not a disorder but just along a big spectrum heterosexual to homosexual. I was always a very logical person who had learned a lot about biology on my own, so I needed scientific proof.

    I think nowadays, you have a lot of celebrities and other role models who are showing you can be out and proud. That can be really good. You might try even talking to your friends because teenagers are the most accept of same-sex marriage (and by extension different sexualities) of all age groups.

    Also, remember that being bi doesn't mean you're equally attracted to each gender. Ultimately, don't get caught up at your age with labels. Some people know their orientation before they're even teens, while others take many years to realize.
     
  5. SwimScotty

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    I didn't start to consider myself bi until my sophomore year of high school (I'm a junior now). I'd done some stuff with guys in the past, but I didn't think anything of it. I only actually started to really question my sexuality after freshman year when I started getting really attached to the gay couple in a graphic novel and had developed a crush on a guy I met at the pool. At that point, I was kind of freaked out about it because I'd always liked girls only, but I had a friend who'd been through a lot of the same things who I could talk to about sexuality stuff. She didn't say a lot, but she was at least a help because I was able to try to explain it to her, and by extension, explain what I was feeling to myself. That's my best advice. Find a good friend to talk to and explain everything, because sometimes trying to put it in words someone else will understand can help you understand just what's going on inside your own head. And their questions might help even more. As for the feelings that everything's fake, you'll get those. I did as well. But they'll go away with time and as you start to realize and discover yourself more. I wish you the best!
     
  6. fairyprincess

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    I'm going on fifteen, and I get those waves of feeling like a fake as well. I would try to invest how you're feeling in a friend before a family member, just to avoid the possibility of someone telling you that you're too young to know. (Which is completely untrue. Age is irrelevant to this situation.) Best of luck to you!
     
  7. Claudette

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    I was struggling to hide it when I was a young teen, but looking back now... I wish I hadn't. I wish I had the courage at that age to just be myself, shame it took me 14 years later to find it ^^;... I had sex(with a woman) when I was 16, and I always felt guilty about it because it never felt right using my err "holy Lance" lol
    and that kind of thrusted me into an age of darkness so to say, I began to fall into depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, social isolation, light drug usage.
    but... thankfully all that is behind me, my only regret was hiding who I was for so long =)
     
  8. softsprite

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    First kiss with a girl was at thirteen, same year as with a boy. Crushes almost exclusively on girls. Relationships almost exclusively with boys. Go figure. First fell in love with a girl at fourteen. Like, crying my eyes out into my pillow kind of love, soul-searing kind of love. We had sex when I was fifteen and then I knew. I now identify as bisexual, which is what I thought I was at thirteen (and really, my whole life). The one mistake I made was that when I was in love with my first girlfriend, I called myself a lesbian because I thought she was my soul mate and if that was the case I must be 100% gay. When that relationship ended, I fell in love with a boy and had to come out all over again as bisexual. So I'd say--do what you feel, but don't be afraid to change your mind. Don't let yourself get trapped by social pressure either way.
     
  9. nonbinarym

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    First girlfriend was this year. First kiss is yet to come. Ever since I came out to some of my friends at school, I feel more myself around them. Then again, it was only to some of my friends. Most of them don't know. Whenever someone says something relating to people being gay or bi or anything but straight, I feel almost a wave of guilt wash over me. I can't explain it. It makes me what to tell them. To stop hiding myself from them. Anyways, after I came out to my mom, she said "I am embarrassed by your coming out to me. Why bother with this 'coming out'? What is it with this coming out thing?" The thing that struck me the most was that she said that it embarrassed her. I kept trying to explain that it has nothing to do with her, that it doesn't really affect her. Sh told me that it does affect her, that it matters. Sometimes, I don't understand my mother.
     
  10. mobrien1993

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    When I was twelve I started questioning whether I actually liked girls or not. I thought it was just a phase I was going through or just feeling lonely, so I started going out with a guy who liked me. The whole time we were going out it just felt awkward and I couldn't figure out why. After going out for a couple days he tried to kiss me and I just couldn't bring myself to kiss him back. Needless to say he broke up with me. It was at that point that I started noticing how attracted I was to girls. I didn't tell anyone though because I thought it was still just a phase.
    A few months later, my friend told me she was bi and we ended up going out. At that point everyone in school as well as at home found out I was gay. It was a very hard time but I'm glad I had someone to go through it all with, because I don't know if I could've done it by myself. Overall the experience with her was pretty good we shared a lot of firsts together and I wouldn't take any of it back.
     
  11. treespoon

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    That's so awesome! These stories make me feel so much better haha :slight_smile:
     
  12. FancyGummy

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    I'm pretty sure I had some deeply buried, closeted feelings for other boys in my early teenage years, partially to blame for my chronic frustration/felling of hopelessness/depression/sense that I didn't belong... I was actually a bit of a furry back then, too. At some point I decided to bury it all and forget about it, and I did until a few years ago when I was officially introduced to the furry fandom and learned that one of my best friends is bi. So for me, that was kind of traumatizing, as I suddenly remembered why I felt like such a failure all the time. For me, it was kind of like waking up with amnesia and realizing that in your past life you were a serial killer. My family never really discussed homosexuality, and tries avoiding it as much as possible, so it felt like a crime to me. There was a time when I felt like pulling my own guts out just to clean out all of the "filth" I'm filled up with. It took me a long while to accept that I'm not changing, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. Please, please don't make the same mistakes. You're already on the right track by coming here.
     
  13. AmiBee

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    Well, I definitely started feeling attracted to girls around age 12. I remember my 13th birthday party vividly. My crush, one of the most popular girls in the grade, came to my party. She hugged me and it felt amazing. I spent my earlier teen years telling myself that I was mistaken about how I felt about girls. By the time I was about 15, I accepted that I am a lesbian. It was the 1980s so I definitely didn't come out in middle or high school. I did come out my first year in college.
    I also currently teach 8th grade. Every year, I have a couple of students who are out at school, but I know many more who wait until high school to come out. My out students seem comfortable and happy with themselves.
    Anyway, good luck with figuring everything out. There is no one right time to completely understand your sexuality or to come out. Just know that you will be fine.
     
    #13 AmiBee, Feb 28, 2014
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2014
  14. lemarikosong

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    I started to realize that I like boys when I was 12-13, before that I always had these girls that I considered as "sweethearts". I think it's very prudent of you to not rush on things, because you are right, you are still very young and you need time to get to know yourself :slight_smile: