I'd absolutely love to, and I've tried many MANY times to work up the courage and tell friends what I am, but I just can't seem to do it. I've tried getting completely drunk too hoping maybe it'll get my brain to calm down enough so I can just let it naturally be said. Nope. Just made me depressed and more anxious because I couldn't come out. But, part of it is because I can't transition. I can't wear different clothes, I can't use a different name, I can't use different pronouns, I can't get any medical intervention or hormone therapy, because none of them made my dysphoria any better. They all worsen it, and I get more and more upset with what I look like and what I'm not. It's perpetual, like I feel bad with everything, gender affirming care specialists and therapists don't even know of anything I can do because I've tried everything without improvement. My friends came out, and they're all able to be happy being themselves. Some are transitioning, some aren't, but they clearly feel great just being themselves and being addressed properly in their daily lives. I can't seem to get that. My identity makes no sense, and nobody feels comfortable around me because of it. It's always brought up with some friends because they're worried about me, and they really do want me to finally bite the bullet and tell them who I am, but I know me coming out won't change anything. I'm still me. I still can't have the body I want, I can't have the voice I want, I can't look how I wish I did, I can't take medicine and feel better, I can't wear any clothes that look good on me because of my body. I desperately want to come out, but I can't. I feel like it'll somehow just make me feel worse like everything else does. If I come out, is it even worth it since I'm unable to be who I wish I was? If I was born a freak like I know I was, is it worth it???
