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Worried about pressure.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by mallards, Oct 17, 2020.

  1. mallards

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    I am trying to decide if or when I should come out to my parents. I know that they won't be homophobic (my parents and a bunch of our neighbors bought peace pride flags and put them out on our porches) but I'm worried that they will try to pressure me into coming out before I'm ready. I'm also worried that they will try to make me fit in a box. Right now I identify as queer, and I feel like I could be anywhere from bi-romantic to asexual to gay to pansexual. I am not sure how I feel, and the lack of actually meeting new people since I pretty much am indoors all the time right now is not helping me decide. My school has a pretty high LGBTQ+ population, and has a pretty large GSA club. I know that i will probably be accepted, but i feel like my parents will try to push me to join the club and come out. Well, this started as two sentences and I kinda went on a tangent.
     
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  2. Lek

    Lek
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    I think if you told your parents the concerns you have expressed to us would be a good start. I think the clearer you are about where you are at now and the need to move at your own pace will be heard and not be put into a box. If not, just repeat yourself.

    Telling people who we are, I think, is an act of love and an invitation to share your true self. It sound like your parents most likely will be there for you as you go on your journey. It is okay to set limits and it is important to be comfortable with your process.

    Good luck and keep us updated.
     
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  3. quebec

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    @mallards.....Coming out can be wonderful and terrible. Occasionally at the same time! The most important two factors in deciding when to come out are:
    .....1) Come out when YOU are ready. Don't let anyone push you into it if you are not at the place where coming out is right for you...not them. and:
    ..... 2) Don't come out if there is a real chance that you will be in danger. That includes being kicked out of your house, having no way to support yourself, having all privileges (phone, computer, friends, etc.) taken away, being verbally or emotionally abused as well as the danger of physical abuse. Waiting can be very difficult, but your safety and emotional well-being are more important. Being out in middle school/high school is easier now than it used to be...but depending on your school and your relationship with other students, it can be problematic. Try to evaluate these things and see what you seriously think about the results of coming out would be. Sometimes waiting...even when it is so difficult...is the only safe way to come out.
    .....Please don't get into a rush about coming out...you have plenty of time! You might want to consider using a letter WHEN the time comes to tell your parents. There are some great sample coming out letters here on empty closets that could be a big help to you. Even if you don't eventually use the letter, taking the time to think about it and to write one will help you be sure to say what you need to say and leave out the rest! An additional plus to a letter is that you don't have to be present when the letter is read. That can be a big help as it eliminates the potential face-to-face confrontation that can easily go bad. It gives the people reading the letter some time to think before they talk to you. After all, you've had years to think about your sexuality...giving them at least some time to think about it only seems fair as well as getting you out of a potentially difficult, emotion-based conversation! Check the letters out (see below)...they could be a real comfort! Also...when you do come out, whether it's tomorrow or 10 years from now, your parents and friends will probably have questions. Take some time now to think about what those questions might be. Such as; "How do you know you're gay?" or "How long have you felt this way?" etc.. The questions themselves will vary a great deal dependent upon your family and friends...so take that into consideration. If you work up a list of ten or so questions with the answers already planned, you will be perceived as a more mature, thoughtful person.
    .....COMING OUT LETTERS: http://emptyclosets.com/home/pages/resources/coming-out-letters.php
    .....Remember, you are a part of our LGBTQ Family and we do care! Keep us updated on how things are going for you!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  4. BiGemini87

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    Welcome to EC, mallards!

    I'm in agreement with Lek--I think as long as you express your thoughts and feelings as honestly and clearly as possible, you should be fine. :slight_smile: You say your parents are very LGBT+ friendly, as is your school and your neighbourhood, so I don't imagine you'll have any issues there.

    Remember, there's no rush to figure out what your orientation or identity is; you have plenty of time to sort through your feelings, and I'm sure your parents will understand and respect that.
     
  5. mallards

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    Thank you guys so much. Just came out to my parents, and it went over really well. I'm so happy right now, I'm shaking. As someone who hates talking about personal things, this was probably the most stressful 5 minutes of my life, but I feel really great now, like I have a huge weight off of my chest.
     
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  6. BiGemini87

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    It's so good to hear that it went well! :slight_smile: Your parents sound like lovely people, and I'm sure as you embark further on your journey of self-discovery, they'll be there to cheer you on.
     
  7. LostInDaydreams

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    Congratulations! :slight_smile:
     
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