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workin' on it

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by FoxFeathers, Sep 25, 2022.

  1. FoxFeathers

    Regular Member

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    Hello lovely people!

    I'm a teenage, mostly closeted trans guy (I think). I've always been more masculine and wanted to be a boy growing up (still do lol), and thankfully, my parents are on the progressive side of things and so I have a pretty safe space at home. That said, I'm not out to them yet, as I want to be 100% sure of my gender identity before I do any coming out, to them at least.

    I have a lot of queer friends, and I've been starting to hint at my own identity. I don't plan on having a big coming-out moment with them (it's all very normalized within the circle, for better or worse), but they seem like a good start for starting to live authentically.

    I was pretty lucky in the not-transphobic family lottery, aside from a handful of Catholic, conservative family members. They are also a big part of the reason I'm here; I want to figure out if/how I should come out to them and/or make them less trans/homophobic.

    -Feathers
     
  2. Jakebusman

    Regular Member

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    Hi Welcome to EC family
     
  3. quebec

    Advisor Full Member

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    Feathers.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! :old_smile: I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) :old_big_grin: when that becomes necessary!

    *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: :old_cool:

    *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership.

    *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! :old_rolleyes: If you have any questions at all, you can send me a Private Message.

    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  4. quebec

    Advisor Full Member

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    Feathers.....Coming out can be wonderful and terrible. Occasionally at the same time! Some important factors in deciding when to come out are:
    *****Come out when YOU are ready. Don't let anyone push you into it if you are not at the place where coming out is right for you.
    *****Don't come out if there is a real chance that you will be in danger. That includes being kicked out of your house, having no way to support yourself, having all privileges (phone, computer, friends, etc.) taken away, being verbally or emotionally abused as well as the danger of physical abuse. Waiting can be very difficult, but your safety and emotional well-being are more important. You are just now a teenager...there is a long time until you are an adult. Even though waiting might be really difficult, living in a house where there is constant conflict because you came out and your parents did not accept it could easily be much worse. I'm not saying that you have to wait for years and years...just be sure that the time is right for you and your parents.
    *****Being out in middle school/high school is easier now than it used to be...but depending on your school and your relationship with other students, it can still be a problem. Try to evaluate these things and see what you seriously think about the results of coming out would be. Sometimes waiting, even when it is so difficult, is the only safe way to come out.
    *****You might want to consider using a letter WHEN the time comes to tell your parents. A big plus to a letter is that you don't have to be present when the letter is read. That can be a very big help as it eliminates the potential face-to-face confrontation that can sometimes go bad. Coming out in writing means you will not be interrupted or face a barrage of questions that you need to answer immediately, in the heat of the moment. You get time and they get time too and that counts for a lot. It gives the people reading the letter some time to think before they talk to you. After all, you've had time to think about your sexuality, perhaps for years…giving them at least some time to think about it too only seems fair! There are some great sample coming out letters here on Empty Closets that could be a big help to you. Even if you don't eventually use the letter, taking time to think about it and to write one will help you to be sure to say what you need to say and leave out the rest! You can then use the letter as a "script" for when you do come out face-to-face. Check out the letters (see below)...they could be a real help!
    *****Also...when you do come out, whether it's tomorrow or a year from now, your parents and/or friends will probably have questions. Take some time now to think about what those questions might be. Such as; "How do you know you're gay?" or "How long have you felt this way?" etc. The questions themselves will vary a great deal dependent upon your family and friends...so take that into consideration. If you work up a list of five or six probable questions with the answers already planned, you will likely be perceived as a more mature, serious person.

    *****COMING OUT LETTERS: http://emptyclosets.com/home/pages/resources/coming-out-letters.php

    *****Remember...you are a part of our LGBTQ Family and we do care! Keep us updated on how things are going for you!

    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  5. Rayland

    Moderator Full Member

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    Hello and welcome to the EC! :slight_smile:
     
  6. Jakebusman

    Regular Member

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    Hows your trans journey going ?
     
  7. LostInDaydreams

    Moderator Full Member

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    Welcome to EC :slight_smile: