1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Why are people straight or gay?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Danno1, Jan 7, 2015.

  1. soulcatcher

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2014
    Messages:
    244
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Asexuality (by definition) is a lack of sexual orientation. The part in bold is a bit akin to me saying, that it is a bit sad that you'll never get to experience the joy of sex due to hypoactive sexual desire. Would you say it is sad that asexual aromantics could never love anybody in neither sexual or affectionate way?

    "I might ask these questions again on another forum"

    Go ahead!
     
    #61 soulcatcher, Jan 9, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2015
  2. kindy14

    kindy14 Guest

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2014
    Messages:
    788
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Indianapolis, IN
    Gender:
    Male
    I am and can be physically, and emotionally attracted to both men, women, some trans, just about any "type" of adult human you define.

    For me, sex and love go together. So, I've really never pursued being a hookup kinda guy, with anyone. I want a connection because its intimate to me.

    I can physically satisfy my needs by myself. I can hookup (done it twice) but for me, it is not the same as being with a person you have feelings for.
     
  3. Quiet Raven

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2014
    Messages:
    559
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Nova Scotia, Canada
    You say that it is "sad" that people base attraction so largely on genitals. I'm sorry you feel that way, but that is beyond our control. Arousal is an automatic reaction. We don't choose to be this way.

    Yes, maybe if a man looks very much like an attractive woman I may feel aroused. But as soon as I find out he is not a woman that arousal will end. I don't control this.

    You just have to accept that there are many people like this, who are 100% hetero or gay. Even if you can't understand it. But it really does seem like you are arguing that this sort of thing can't exist. And that is why people are getting upset.
     
  4. ForNarnia

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2014
    Messages:
    242
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Unknown
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    The question you asked at the start was valid, however, whether it was intentionally or not, the way you worded things was offensive, and I don't blame people for being upset when you say things like "what matters most for you are the genitals of the person".
    By saying that, you are suggesting that people who aren't asexual put sex before love, and (direct quote-->) "Marry due to genitals".
    However, as I said at the start, your original question was valid, therefore I shall try my best to answer it.
    An earlier commenter made a very good point.
    Monosexuals only experience attraction to one gender.
    Some are curious about the other gender, but that does not make them any less of what they identify to be.
    And some do not experience attraction to the other gender at all.
    Even if, as you said, sex feels the same no matter who it is with, would that make it moral to have sex with your family? or your pets?
    Even if it felt the same as with anyone else, even if you tried to pretend it was someone else, it still wouldn't feel right, there would always be a part of you saying 'no, this is wrong'.
    That's how I imagine it to feel to have sex with the gender you aren't attracted to.
    Even if it felt the same, a part of you would always know that this isn't what you want. You may feel disgusted by it, or violated. And that's why people are monosexuals, to the best of my knowledge.

    I apologise if I haven't described it correctly, or offended anyone in doing so.

    As for going to another forum, I'm sure you will soon find that this forum is one of the most polite (if not, the most polite) forums on the internet when asking questions regarding the LGBT community. If you have managed to offend people here, I don't think you'll do very well on any other forum.
     
  5. Quiet Raven

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2014
    Messages:
    559
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Nova Scotia, Canada
    Agree with everything written here. But also a comment on the bolded...

    Yes. I have been to several forum sites. And I can add that this is very true to my experience as well. I will be very surprised if you have better results elsewhere.
     
  6. bicomplicated

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2014
    Messages:
    624
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    KY
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Wow. Just reading this and my head is spinning. I don't really know how to respond to this. I think you have gotten some good responses so far even if some people were offended. I can understand some people being offended. Whether you meant to or not, you have invalidated people's sexuality. And I know you didn't mean to. I believe you are just trying to understand something you don't understand. But that is what happened here. Why does it matter what people identify as? I am bi, but I would never tell everyone they should be bi. Anyway, if I can be helpful, as others had said, sex is not just something physical; it is emotional most of the time as well. You can be emotionally detatched when you have hookups and detatch yourself from the emotional aspect. I had a on again off again guy who I hooked up with in my younger years and it got to the point that sex was mechanical and just for the pleasure of the act. But, no offense to people who hook up, that it fine and if no one gets hurt that is fine; but in my personal experience sex is so much better when their is deep emotion involved. Sex, a lot of time, also has a mental and emotional aspect; it is not just only a physical act. Also, who can say why people are attracted to certain people? There are a thousand billion different things (exageration here but hopefully you get my point) that are diversly different for different people that determine who people are or aren't attracted to, physically, sexually, romantically, whatever. It may or may not have to do with attraction to genitals depending on the person. It may or may not have to do with physical appearance depending on the person. Who knows what does it for one person as compared to another? That is just a question that is unexplainable. You just have to accept that people like who they like and don't like who they don't like. You can do some reasearch. But attraction, sexual attraction included, is just something that is pretty unexplainable. I think it will always be a mystery.

    ---------- Post added 9th Jan 2015 at 12:20 PM ----------

    Just don't try to analyze sexuality. Just accept people face value and don't worry about why people are who they are.
     
  7. Spatula

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2012
    Messages:
    832
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Southeast US
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Well, as a bi guy, I completely understand your logic and that's pretty much the way I feel - anything that looks good and is fuckable is fair game. From talking to gay and straight people, the impression that I get is that they have some gut repulsion to their non-preferred gender. Sort of like thinking about your parents in a sexual way--that sort of ick feeling, but applied to a whole gender. People without that 'barrier' are free to do whatever they want with whatever holes they want, and preferences become more like "should I eat steak or ice cream today", while people with that barrier (and it seems like the barrier can have varying levels of strength covering varying amounts of the body) are permanently locked to one gender mostly.
     
  8. Reptillian

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2012
    Messages:
    602
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Arousal is not always a indicator of sexuality. I watch lesbian porn because I like looking at naked women, but when it comes to getting close to a woman, I am not interested, and even closer, my feelings will diminish and so it will sink if it goes too much. It was not like this before my primary sexual orientation died.
     
    #68 Reptillian, Jan 9, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2015
  9. ChloeKiss

    ChloeKiss Guest

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2014
    Messages:
    1,257
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Queensland, Australia
    Argh does anyone here agree with me that gay people don't just like the same sex for their genitals?! We actually like the same sex because we like how their mind works and overall their presence around you! I adore women because I adore the feminine vibe and personality they give off! I could cuddle them for hours just to hear them breathing. I have been that inlove with a woman before.

    It's not always about what they have underneath those clothes! Sure I think certain women are super yummy and would love to have sex with their bodies but I couldn't do it if they weren't a cute woman on the inside! Not only because of the genitals.. But because of their womanly vibe! xo
     
    #69 ChloeKiss, Jan 9, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2015
  10. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    I think there's also a misconception here...I don't love/marry just for the genitals either. I love the whole of my partner. But genitals are a part of sex and if someone doesn't have a vagina, that means I will not have sex with them. Sexual incompatibility is the #1 cause of break-ups and divorces, so we must be realistic in regards to that.
     
  11. Quiet Raven

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2014
    Messages:
    559
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Nova Scotia, Canada
    Yeah. I apologize if I lead you to believe I am attracted purely to the genitals. I need to love everything about the woman in order to be truly attracted and want to have a relationship with her.
     
  12. sublimeprincess

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2013
    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    40
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Well, did you see what I said at the end though? I mentioned that it's a mental thing, not a physical thing. Not as it doesn't matter what genitals you have, because everything is mental (like the measure of someone's masculinity or femininity). I meant the opposite - people associate the genitals and characteristics with a sex with physical pleasure. Literally it's equivalence training (meaning for straight guy or lesbian woman: penis = gross, vagina = sexy/ straight girl or gay guy: penis = sexy, vagina = gross/ bisexual: penis & vagina = sexy. And so on) And a possible theory of why that is true is the whole thing I mentioned about epigenetics (the genes we have from birth), neurology, and the interaction effect with the environment.

    Sexuality is considered to be "fluid." People change preferences over time, so in a way it does give some support to your bisexuality idea. However, there are people that just ONLY want to be with a man or ONLY with a woman, which means they don't fit this. Thus, not everyone is bi.
     
    #72 sublimeprincess, Jan 9, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2015
  13. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    Also the reason why some of us care about genitals is because you have sex with genitals.

    I care about feminine personalities and appearances as well (which is also why I don't like men because they are socialized to behave in a patriarchal way, except for trans and gay men because they are oppressed).

    But think about it. Genitals are used in sex. Even if I 'fall in love' with a man and wanted to be with him, how could we even have sex?? I can't give him cunnilingus (I think blowjobs are nasty as hell), there's no wet vagina to touch, I hate being penetrated, most straight men hate being penetrated, and I don't like having my genitals touched either. So how the hell would the relationship work?

    For some people things feel the same, but I'm only attracted to sex acts that are impossible to do with men/penis to begin with.
     
  14. kindy14

    kindy14 Guest

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2014
    Messages:
    788
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Indianapolis, IN
    Gender:
    Male
    Isn't fried steak ice cream going to be at the State Fair this year.

    I'm strongly repulsed by ugly personalities. Bodies I'm very flexible about. Even personalities I'm flexible, a lot of people have very beautiful souls.

    Nobody on earth can tell you what truly lies within the hearts and minds of another.
     
  15. Reptillian

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2012
    Messages:
    602
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Ok, I'm gonna say this, feminine personality? Do people still believe there is a inherent difference in the behaviors of men and women in 2015? God, I thought gender roles are next to dead by this time.
     
  16. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    Female psyche*

    Women have different brains than men do, and are socialized differently in society. Liking dresses, makeup, and being finicky about looks is not what I mean by personality (and is in fact a turn-off as I'm attracted to more tomboys/androgynous people).

    I just didn't word it right.
     
  17. Reptillian

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2012
    Messages:
    602
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male

    Men and women may have different brains although can be arguedly more similar than not, where is your evidence that supports a functional difference that cannot be attributed to societal influences? Also, gender roles need to be eradicated already.
     
  18. stocking

    stocking Guest

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2013
    Messages:
    7,542
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New England
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Men and women are not the regardless of if they act in the gender roles or not .
     
  19. kindy14

    kindy14 Guest

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2014
    Messages:
    788
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Indianapolis, IN
    Gender:
    Male
    I've always thought about it more as as nobody should decide your roles for you, needs to be eradicated already. Whether its your economic, social, sexual, gender role in society, your place at birth shouldn't hold you back.

    Only limit for me, is your right to swing your arm ends at my nose. I know in many societies, and even in the U.S. this is not always the case. As long as it is consenting adults, I really don't think letting people who are committed to each other join in legal bonding. Religion and the word "marriage" isn't an issue for me. I know it is for a lot of people. Not arguing that one at all. I'm not un-supportive, I'm libertarian. :grin: and still ELCA Lutheran. Very, live and let live, tolerant. Whatever floats your boat as long as it doesn't hurt others, and I don't have to see it in public.

    People have a right to who they want to be, and the role, gender, or otherwise that they assign to themselves. I believe in covering up in public generally, but situationally appropriate, protests, art. Not really a fan of intimate displays of public affection. Again conditionally, when I've been in more overtly, and friendly gay parts of the U.S. (sorry if this sounds stereotypical, but I am 50,) Provincetown, RI, LA, New Awlins, San Francisco. I can accept that I might see things outside my comfort zone, be embarrassed, and titillated at the same time. Provincetown whale watching, stayed till after dark. Diverse crowd. :grin: Was only uncomfortable with the leather guy who sat next to me in chaps, whip, hat, boots. I think that was all of it.

    Oh and I think that was after I had recently become engaged and overjoyed anyone was interested in me.
     
    #79 kindy14, Jan 10, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2015
  20. Reptillian

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2012
    Messages:
    602
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    No affirmative evidence for behaviour differences between males and females? K.