1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Why are people straight or gay?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Danno1, Jan 7, 2015.

  1. stocking

    stocking Guest

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2013
    Messages:
    7,542
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New England
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I don't agree that environment both affect our sexuality orientation ,but I hope to God your right and I'm wrong about what she meant .
     
    #21 stocking, Jan 7, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2015
  2. sublimeprincess

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2013
    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    40
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    No, girl!!! I totally and fully understand there is fully gay/lesbian and and fully straight people!!! I was referring to Kinsey's scale of there being 0 and 6, but also a bunch of numbers in between (1-5), and to realize there's a big spectrum for bisexuality as well as being able to be gay or straight.


     
  3. stocking

    stocking Guest

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2013
    Messages:
    7,542
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New England
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Thank you for explaining I'm glad I misunderstood . I understand now what you mean sorry for getting mad at you . :slight_smile:(*hug*)
    I'm glad I'm wrong on this one ^^
     
  4. sublimeprincess

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2013
    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    40
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You guys - I'm just paraphrasing research I've read. Environment changes our outer genes (epigenetics). Therefore, environment and biology both play a role. I'm just stating empirically proven research, not what I feel about the topic.
     
  5. stocking

    stocking Guest

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2013
    Messages:
    7,542
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New England
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Oh I understand now :slight_smile:

    sorry I get passionate when it comes to my sexuality and others well because I get told lesbians aren't real by my parents very often and people I meet in general .
     
  6. Quiet Raven

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2014
    Messages:
    559
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Nova Scotia, Canada
    Yeah, that much I understood, actually.

    I just wasn't sure if I completey understood the information.
     
  7. Reptillian

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2012
    Messages:
    602
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    My sexual orientation died when I was 15.5 years old. I am now 21 years old and currently asexual. Environment has nothing to do with it. I was born heterosexual.

    As for sexual orientation and preference, not everyone of a certain orientation will feel completely adverse to participating with the wrong sex, and there's a difference between enjoying the stimulation of something even with the wrong sex, and enjoying sex with the right sex.
     
  8. Quiet Raven

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2014
    Messages:
    559
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Nova Scotia, Canada
    If you know environment has nothing to do with it, what is it that caused you to change from Heterosexual to Asexual?

    I am not trying to argue that it was environment, I honestly can't say, I am just curious as to what you think on the matter.
     
  9. Reptillian

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2012
    Messages:
    602
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Brain changes I'm suppose. That's the only way I can think of why my sexual orientation died. I don't know anything else.
     
    #29 Reptillian, Jan 7, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2015
  10. ChloeKiss

    ChloeKiss Guest

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2014
    Messages:
    1,257
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Queensland, Australia
    I just love girls.. I'm more of an emotional connection over sexual attraction kind of girl.. But yes of course I think certain women are yum and just want to completely indulge in them.. Guys don't have boobs or cute soft features like women do.. and they don't have the same voice as a woman does. I don't feel the same wrapped up in a mans arms as I do a womans.. I feel almost as if i'm sinking right into a girl I like when they hug me.. With a guy it's like hugging a friend.. not the same as wanting to fall asleep in those arms. Honestly your question doesn't make sense to me in the sense that.. You don't seem to get that women and men are completely different. And Lesbians aren't just attracted to the sexual part of a woman, they are attracted to their intellect and overall mindset. I guess for me growing up with manners I tend to look for that in a girl.. I tend to like in others what I see in myself. And I don't see much of myself in men. I don't know if you understand what i'm trying to say here.

    To put it short and simple. I am a Lesbian.. I always have been. And the fact that I like being ''screwed'' by a strapon attached to a woman does not mean I would like it if it was the real thing. The fact that I can cuddle upto a woman after sex is far more appealing to me then the sex act itself. I could have sex with a guy sure but would I enjoy it? No. It would be like having sex with a tree to me.. A tree with feelings of course.

    That's just the way I am.. Women are my weakness buddy ♥
     
  11. TacobellKFC

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2014
    Messages:
    153
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    a little to the left behind the tree
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Why are people straight or gay is like asking like asking why are people short and tall...your born that way
     
  12. Reptillian

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2012
    Messages:
    602
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sigh... This does not apply to everybody and especially to those who are very sure that their orientation changes out of nowhere like how mine died.
     
  13. Jax12

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2014
    Messages:
    1,875
    Likes Received:
    70
    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    When I think about intimacy, it involves a woman, not a man. Not sure why, but I don't want a naked man on me. I don't know, the idea of a dick on mine is not very.. arousing, at least not in reality. Porn is obviously a different story.

    I mean, even if I can imagine a sexual encounter with a man, it doesn't last very long. It's like right after the sex is done, everything after that (in my mind), is blank.

    If I put sex out of the picture, then I could definitely see myself happy for the rest of my life with a woman.
     
  14. QuestForTruth

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2015
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Oregon
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    I've read a few of your posts. As someone with OCD, Take this advice (this is something I'M doing now myself) : stay away from labels and any form of relationship and get treatment for your OCD. It's a legit condition that can actually be picked up by medical technology and can cause pain for your partner and anxiety for you.

    Also. Don't rely on porn. Porn isn't real.
     
  15. Danno1

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2015
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    US
    Gender:
    Male
    Thanks everyone for your answers, I'll try to answer as many as possible! You've all been very helpful, I am really trying to understand and I think I am actually starting to understand a little better.

    "Plus no not everyone is bisexual I mean if everyone was bisexual straight , gay and asexuals wouldn't exist right ?" Well asexuality would still exist because we're born this way, but for sexual people, yeah I suppose everyone would be bi. But what's wrong with that? In fact I think that would be very advantageous for so many reasons.

    "Basically whatever is attached below the belt determines the outcome." Yeah this is the feeling i'm getting from your responses, that genitals are indeed that important, but is it a natural thing, like "I like penises and feel attracted to them and the vagina does nothing for me and I can't help it", so when a girl does oral to you you think it's a girl with a vagina who is doing it and therefore you don't enjoy, but if you think it's a boy then you do enjoy? How is exactly the thought-process?

    "In fact incest is perfectly acceptable to most liberals and if there was no taboo I'm sure many of us would be completely fine with trying it." Yeah I know that, I actually support incest if it's between consenting adults. But I still don't see how this is comparable to sexual orientation or what it has to do with my question that a straight guy could enjoy gay sex and vice-versa.

    "can you explain why you feel no sexual attraction to anyone?" Hmm I'll try haha, for instance when I watch porn (the few times I did) I don't feel much, I'm not aroused, don't feel anything sexual, just a physical sensation down there but that's it. When I walk on the street and see someone (whatever gender) I can think "he/she is good looking!", but I don't feel anything of it, I don't want to fuck them lol. I have no libido, and I have never been in love, I don't even know how that feels or is supposed to feel 'cause I'm aromantic too. Also, I'm sex-repulsed.

    "You have to realize people are coming from a very personal level and mainly have anecdotal evidence, but I think you're looking for actually researched stuff. This is NOT the site to do this. Google scholar some of your questions". Yeah, I'm fine with personal opinions and I want those, but research and actual evidence would help me understand so much better, I'd think. Your whole post is very informative, thanks a lot! I'll check that link. But how would the combination of all those factors (pheromones, androgens, genetics, environment...) make someone completely straight or completely gay, it's what i fail to understand, because sexual attraction/arousal is a physical thing and everyone with libido should feel pleasure from a handjob for example no matter who is giving it, a male hand or a female hand, right? Or in lesbians' case, male fingers instead of female's. Though I do understand there is a huge spectrum for bisexuality and I'd take that, some people preferring one gender over another, BUT still being able to feel attracted to the other sex, but it seems that some people are completely straight or gay, no room for any bisexual thing, not even a kiss, and that's so weird?

    Also, could someone please answer these additional questions that I asked before? From a personal perspective is okay but better if it can be answered objectively!

    "But what if a guy had long hair and was very feminine-looking, would the straight guy be attracted to him, and if not, why? Because he'd know that he has a penis down there and he doesn't like that thought?"

    "And what if the woman has a penis because she's mtf pre-op? Can straight men feel attracted to them, and if so, wouldn't that make them bi since they would be doing sex stuff with another penis? "

    "And what if a woman had short hair and was all "macho"? - Would a gay man be attracted to her or he wouldn't because despite how she looks and behaves, she still has a vagina? Or would it just be because she identifies as a female, but can a gender identity really turn you off?"

    "If a man doesn't have a dick or a normal-sized one or can't function or get erections for whatever reason (medical condition, car / war accident, ftm trans etc.), would you still be attracted to him?" - for gay men.

    Sorry for so many questions T_T.
     
    #35 Danno1, Jan 8, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2015
  16. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    "Yeah I know that, I actually support incest if it's between consenting adults. But I still don't see how this is comparable to sexual orientation or what it has to do with my question that a straight guy could enjoy gay sex and vice-versa."

    Well, that's kind of my point. If someone is disgusted by the thought of a relative performing sex because they're not incestuous, why wouldn't a gay person feel the same to the opposite sex doing the same if they're not straight? After all it feels good either way, so why be disgusted by it? Why make double standards for gay people having to enjoy the opposite sex yet you say they can't enjoy a family member?

    The answer is, that sexual pleasure is not and will never be a physical thing. It is entirely and completely mental and psychological. Masturbation for example 'feels good no matter what you do' but if the person is mentally aroused by the porn they watch, it feels really really good. Like really good. But if the porn is a mental turn-off, masturbation does not feel as good physically. This is also why people have specific fetishes. If I'm aroused by leather, then a person in leather who touches my genitals will make me feel pleasure. If I'm not aroused by leather, then it physically doesn't feel as good.

    Rape also feels good. It causes physical pleasure and orgasms. This is scientific fact. But do rape victims actually get real pleasure from rape? NOPE. That is because sex is psychological, physical pleasure derives from emotional pleasure.

    Plus, like I said there are those who do not like casual sex at all and only do it with our lovers; for someone like me casual sex, even with a woman doesn't 'feel good' at all. It feels like rape. Because It's a mental turn off and I am not sexually interested in non-committed strangers or friends even if they are attractive women.

    Here's another example. I LOVE video games. I'm a gamer. But I don't like EVERY game in existence. I love platformers and RPG's. That's my preference. I don't have to enjoy puzzles and shooters just because they are games and they could give me the same 'fun' feeling like other genres I like do. They just aren't my preference. And loving RPG's doesn't mean I love every RPG ever. Some are just bad. Just like sex. Men are always off the table because straight sex doesn't appeal to me; I like women but not every woman or even most women. I only like 1% of women and 0% of men.

    Also...asexuality is no different than other sexualities. If someone is born ace, people are born gay. Sexual doesn't mean wants sex with everything that moves. I am a sexual person with a LOW sex drive and interest. I almost never want sex or desire it. But if I get to know someone and we've bonded for several months I may desire that specific person but never anyone else.

    Non-asexual =/= Horndog

    I'm a sex-repulsed sexual. I still experience sexual attraction. We DO exist.

    Also asexuals do have libidos. Asexuals can be sex addicts too. Look up aces with libidos.

    Please stop assuming that not being asexual means I don't have sexual boundaries or morals. I've never even done anything sexual with a person in my life and I'm 24. I'm waiting for the special girl I know I can trust and that I'll spend my life with. Sex scares me; being non-asexual doesn't stop me from being celibate.
     
    #36 Fallingdown7, Jan 8, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 8, 2015
  17. Gen

    Gen
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2012
    Messages:
    4,070
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Nowhere
    I would be interesting in reading any form of scientific evidence or study that has led you to this conclusion. Especially considering that conscious "preference" is formed from psychological factors, while sexual drive and impulse are primarily based in neurological factors.
     
  18. soulcatcher

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2014
    Messages:
    244
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    I suppose some gay men could enjoy the physical stimulation of a glory hole oral sex from a woman if they were tricked into thinking that she was a man. However, that is as far as it goes. However, you have to remember that many people do not enjoy anonymous sexual encounters and only would enjoy sex within the confines of a monogamous relationship.

    By the way, your hypothetical situations are practically fruitless and insignificant. You just have to accept that people who are completely gay had been always sexually attracted to members of the same sex. However, I concede that sexuality is complex and there are people who identify as queer.
     
  19. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    I agree completely. I am a kinsey 6 female. I am 100% gay. There is NOTHING about men that has ever attracted me; they cause a complete turn-off reaction in my brain.

    I am so tired of people invalidating my sexuality and trying to find reasons or excuses why I'm actually attracted to men, why I should try men, why my brain 'likes' men and why I just 'prefer' women. It's instinctual to me, a psychological thing.

    Not aiming this at you Gen, but I'm sick of so called 'LGBT people' and 'allies' coming here to invalidate us and prove that we're all bi to some extent. If I even had a 1% attraction to men, I would date men only because It's so much easier.
     
  20. Reptillian

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2012
    Messages:
    602
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    It seems that some people still acts like everyone's born that way, even though there's no convincing evidence for that. And for the records, that does not imply it's a choice.