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Who I am or something I wanted?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Robin x, Sep 17, 2017.

  1. Robin x

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2017
    Messages:
    93
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    That posh, rainy place called Britain
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    So for a month or two now I've been identifying as genderqueer. The moment of realisation is when I tried on a binder I'd ordered for a cosplay and, looking at myself in the mirror, it felt right. I started to realise that I felt more androgynous than I did feminine, and so I started questioning my gender. Now all that is over, and I'm out to a few friends, I've been wondering sometimes whether this is truly who I am or not. It feels right in some situations, like over the internet when people use they or they make sure they don't address me as female in any way, yet it also feels wrong in some. Like, the thought of my parents addressing me as they, and not calling me their daughter and just their child, or my friends not using she.. That all feels kinda weird.

    So this has just sparked the thought of maybe this is just something I wanted. Whenever I looked at someone who identified as agender or genderqueer or non binary, anything to do with being androgynous, I always felt this weird sense of jealousy. At first, when I started questioning, I was all like 'It must've been the me deep down knowing that's what I was, but just not realising it!' but now that it's been a while I'm starting to re-think that, I'm starting to think that maybe it was just me liking their style and wanting to look like them, or just liking the concept of being neither gender..

    I'm already out to a few people, and I know that I am still partially comfortable with being neither, or at least almost neither, gender, but this has just been nagging me a lot lately.. I wanted to know if anyone else has felt this or if it's just a part of figuring it all out.. I just really need some help and advice, basically.
     
  2. Crisalide

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2016
    Messages:
    624
    Likes Received:
    339
    Location:
    Italy
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    In my opinion, time will tell. Two months is little time and things like pronouns can still be perceived as weird because they're new. Going on, you'll understand if how others treat you [=they see you, or try to see, as neither gender (or both, or...) ] is right.
     
  3. denouement

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2015
    Messages:
    225
    Likes Received:
    38
    Location:
    Riften
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Certainly part of figuring it all out. It's common for switching pronouns to feel weird at first, even if they're the "right" pronouns, since you've been called by she/her all your life until now. Give it some time and see how you feel about the pronouns/label after you've gotten more used to them.

    If it still feels weird/not right after a while, think on it some more. You might be a different sort of nonbinary than genderqueer, although I don't know much about nonbinary identities so can't really help on that topic. I've seen some nonbinary folks who are comfortable using binary pronouns; so it could just be a pronoun issue, that you're genderqueer but prefer she/her pronouns. If your feelings are based more on style and wanting to look more androgynous, you might be gender non-conforming rather than nonbinary; for example a masculine girl/"tomboy" or androgynous girl.