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When you were in denial, what made you think you weren't what you are?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Taiko, Jun 29, 2013.

  1. tryhtwfr

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  2. Sabinian

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    Oh there are so many. A lot of whats already been said applies to me. Some things I told myself include:

    The classic "I'm not attracted to him, I just want to be him
    "I will like girls when I'm older"
    "I just really want a male mentor since I'm the oldest in my family."
    "I just feel more brotherly towards guys because I'm in a fraternity."
    "When walking down the street with my bros, I never seem to see that hot girl that just walked by... I must not be very observant."
    "I just haven't tried hard enough to get girls."
    which lead to
    "I have/had a girlfriend therefore I'm not gay."
    "I'm pokerfacing it with my girlfriend and I know it, but it's worth it so I can have a 'real' family."
    "Even if I'm gay 'on the inside,' if nobody knows it doesn't count."
    "Other people can be gay, not me"

    I'm so happy I'm finally being honest after 21 years.
     
  3. The_Poets

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    When i first figured out i am bisexual i had a really hard time. I would have been so much happier if i was just lesbian or just straight, simply because i never feel like i belong. I went through days when i refused to be the least bit straight, and others where i convinced myself that i was 100% straight.
     
  4. Taiko

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    It's so cool seeing all the responses to this thread.

    As for me, well...

    "You just want to be that guy..."
    "Oh, it's just the clothes he's wearing..."
    "You already told yourself you're asexual..."
    "You're just lying to yourself...all those experiences you've had are just your mind playing tricks in you..."
    "If you'd just ignore it, it would go away..."
    "I'm an independent person..."
    "See that girl? You have feelings for her, right? Yeah! (not really...) See, you were just going through a phase...that's it..."
    "You're just not giving your (non-existent) straight thoughts a chance!"
    "You are just scared of commitment! That's why you don't want to be with a girl!"
    "Other people knew that they were gay at like 12...you didn't..."
    "You'll just grow out of it..."
    "Sure you had some gay thoughts today, but this is real life and you can't go against the norm like that...that's all it is, fun and games, right?"
    "See? You don't find that one guy attractive...therefore you can't be gay..."
    "You don't feel instant sexual attraction with that one guy! You can't be gay..."
    "Well sure you can feel romantic, physical, sensual, and emotional attraction to guys...but if you don't think about sex with them all the time, then you are surely not gay..."

    The biggest (and most ridiculous) one of all though was: "You can't be gay unless you are 100% gay all the time with thoughts constantly in your head!"
     
    #64 Taiko, Jul 17, 2013
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2013
  5. FucSoc

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    - I'm sure I love ONLY that girl, it will never happen again.
    - I know I'm attracted to women from TV, but i'm not attracted to girls from my real life!
    - It is psychological, because I think about it all the time, I feel it.
    - I feel that way because I want to, not because i'm really bi.

    great thread!!
     
  6. rocknrollchickk

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    Im still in denial , or atleast i think i am . Its confusing . At the moment , im out as bisexual. My whole life i have always been more attracted to girls then guys. Im actually not at all physically attracted to any guys. At the moment tho , I do have a boyfriend who is actually my bestfriend. I mean , I care about him , but not romantically , if that makes sense? I was raised in a very strict christian family. I have always been taught being gay is a sin. And I think thats one of the main reasons Im scared to even think im a lesbian . And i mean in this society, being gay has always been frowned upon, especially in teenagers . I hear so many stories about openly gay teens getting beat up to the point of near death . And honestly, it scares me . I think being out as bisexual is like being out just with a security blanket, because not many people judge people on being bi. I mean , some do , but most just say its a phase or they just dont think its a big deal. And it hurts lying to myself and those around me , but until im fully comfortable and figure out exactly who i am , i think this is the best choice for me. I've never really been one to care what other people think , but when it comes to sexuality which is a big thing, im scared.. /:
     
  7. unknown17050

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    I Might be in denial which is a huge problem, reading through most of these posts, stories about nerdy awkward, not being big boy/girl chasers sounds an awful lot like my situation...
     
  8. malachite

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    I mostly said, I just hadn't met the right girl yet
     
  9. Lindsey23

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    When I was young I just thought, "boys are immature, that's why I'm not attracted to them." As far as my attraction to girls I would just tell myself, "no I'm not, no I'm not, no I'm not."

    Later when I became more comfortable with it I told my parents and then I had them and a therapist telling me, "No you're not, no you're not, no you're not." (Great argument by the way) :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    I just wanted to be straight so badly I thought I could pretend and it would go away.
     
  10. Pat

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    I was able to hook up with every guy I had attempted to hook up with until the age of 21. Lol. So I really thought no man was really heterosexual or that... they could be..if they had a girlfriend, but if they were being deprived of sex, the odds of hooking up with them would be 50/50. I still feel like it's true to an extent... maybe not 50/50 but at least 70/30. That prolonged my identity as a gay guy pretty much.
     
  11. unknown17050

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    Yes, but I feel as if I am in some sort of denial, it is really serious. Like I had a few crushes in my school years but I never acted out on them and I wonder to this day, why? One of the answers I thought of was; "You're really gay and the fact you never approached them is a mental self defense mechanism to make sure you don't find out." All of which I did not consider until May earlier this year.
     
  12. Gibson85

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    I thought i was just weird and in a phase because i liked woman at the time only. I convinced myself it was weird to be gay and more to being trans. That I had to only be attracted to woman because im a guy. but my attraction some times lead the other way lol
     
  13. iHateThinking

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    When I originally figured out about liking girls, I was pretty down with it. But now that I'm a bit older, I'm really thinking about it and back in the denial stage. Some of it makes zero sense, but I guess that's how the mind works.

    Some of my thoughts as of now:
    "Maybe liking girls is just a phase."
    "I just haven't found the right guy; maybe they become less immature when they're older and I'll be interested."
    "I'm more interested in girls than guys, but maybe I'm just hiding the fact that I'm really into guys."
    "Maybe I'm just straight and fooling myself into having these feelings."
    "Despite having crushes on multiple girls and no knowledge of crushes on guys, I can't be totally gay."
    "Even though I currently have a mild interest in this new girl in school and had a crush on a girl freshman year, I must be straight."
    "Even though I generally have no interest in the male form in a sexual way (Generally it's more-so aesthetic/artistic than an actual attraction) or feel myself bonded to guys beyond a close friendship, I must be straight."
    "Even though I've dated two girls already and enjoyed both relationships, as well as kissing/hugging/cuddling/etc with them, I still must be into men."
    "I don't want to identify as gay in its totality because, what if something happens when I'm older and I fall for a man? I don't want to be a hasbian or something like that. But I can't exactly picture myself with a man long-term, and if I do it's with a sense of awkwardness. But what if that happens?"
    "Even though when I think of having sex with a man my face cringes in abhorrence whereas when I think of sex with a woman I'm totally okay with that, I still must be not-totally gay."
    "Because I don't 'want' to be straight (as in, I don't really see me dating men/being a heterosexual), I really am straight."

    And many of the other posts that people have made, especially Parsley/Tetraquark. The questioning process generally sucks. I miss my old levels of confidence where I was absolutely alright with the idea of being gay.
     
  14. blueberrymuffin

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    I didn't go into full denial and convince myself i wasn't gay per se, but as I first noticed it as summer camp, my reaction was like "Camp will be done in a few days. Just don't think about it." I wondered if it might be a phase. I didn't know any better and had no one to turn to really (which sadly is common). But i had to concede it as that summer i was often around a friend i suddenly liked in that way. When school resumed in the fall, I again found myself liking guys. At that point, there was no denying it.
     
  15. mickey1101

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    slow clap to parsley
     
  16. Ryuichi

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    Hm..

    Sexual orientation

    - I'm not into gay porn
    - I'm romantically attracted to females
    - Girls are pretty. I find them to be pretty.
    - A phallus isn't exactly the most pleasant shape
    - I don't get a turn on when I see guys
    - I wear a LOT of Black. not pink, rainbow or other really bright colors
    - I don't have the "Haaaaayyy" accent

    Gender

    - Sex and gender are the same
    - I have a penis...
    - I like boy things
    - Sports are fun to play
     
  17. scorpi

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    Okay here are my best ones:
    "But if my fantasies came true and she liked me as much as I like her, how would we even HAVE sex. How do lesbians even DO it....I am so not googling this." ~ Le Me, Age 17 (BREAKING NEWS, THIS JUST IN - LESBIANS CAN HAVE SEX!)

    "I just ship Xena and Gabrielle because they are obviously a good couple, it doesn't reflect my own feelings toward women." ~ Le Me, Age 13 (It so did, I thought of myself as Xena and I was like, oh, where is my Gabrielle. <3)

    "See, I fell in love with this one guy, so I can't be a lesbian! Nevermind that he looks like a girl and has been mistaken for a girl several times and crossdresses on occasion and I think of myself as a valiant knight and him my lady fair." ~ Le Me, Age 25 (Also he was gay; eventually I figured out I just liked him because he was the perfect solution to my problem.)

    "What if I'm just confused? What if I'm not gay at all and I'm just a moron?" ~ Le Me, Ten Minutes Ago

    ---------- Post added 25th Jul 2013 at 07:41 PM ----------

    Oh and here is my best gender one:
    "How in the world can you think you like wearing men's clothes when you like to look at women's clothing so much on all these hot women?" I was using my gay oggling of women as grounds to deny my gender issues. :lol:
     
  18. unknown17050

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    This right here is what goes on in my head, and I have identified as Heterosexual all my life. Questions more so than feelings though.
     
  19. Abbra

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    I just thought I really looked up to the girls I had a crush on, which is true to an extent. It just seemed like I really wanted to hang out with them as friends, and I would eventually find a guy and everything would be good. However, the part that disturbed me was how I was looking at other girls. I just thought that I was curious about my body, and I would grow out of it.
     
  20. rose94

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    For me it has been:

    "You've been out with boys, therefore you're not gay" (Although, I'd only gone out with boys to convince myself I was straight in the first place!)

    "Those girl kisses were just messing around- doesn't mean anything."

    "I'm just curious, just like 'x'- she hasn't turned out gay..."

    These next ones might be the dumbest! "Boys like you, surely they'd pick up on it, you must be giving off 'straight' signals."

    "You were abused by a guy, so you're just scared."

    "Being abused by mum- can't be gay, if I'm gay then I must have liked it." and "You're only thinking about girls in that way because mum messed with your head- ignore it, go oggle that guy your best friend is crushing on."