I'm hoping this is the right place to post since it's related to coming out -it's just about when I previously came out as bi. In high school I called my mom to tell her I was bi (after my first sexual experience with a girl) and I was so stressed out I was crying and all that, of course my mom was not phased by it because she's very open-minded. So now I'm 33 and just came out as a lesbian, and ended my 9 year relationship with my male fiance, and my mom likes to remind me how stressed out I was for no reason when I came out to her as bi in high school, like she finds it amusing since she's so chill about that kind of thing. It bothers me because she'll all why I was so stressed about telling her, and ice only just realized that it was due to literally society and I was living in (and grew up in) the midwest where there were only like 3 queer people in town that I knew of in high school. So it has been bothering me that she's been bringing this up like it's funny or something. I mean even when I just came out as a lesbian she made some comment about how I might date a man in the future and I called her out and she apologized and said it's because basically sexuality is fluid and she is a sex therapist so she sees people's preferences came and stuff. Anyway, it's just frustrating and I feel weird that societal pressure had such an impact on me when my own family is very accepting.
I know it's difficult, but try not to be too hard on yourself for having a hard time coming out, despite your family being accepting. Society and its expectations can have a profound impact on how we feel about and view ourselves, and isn't any wonder; at heart, humans are a gregarious species, and part of that is wanting/needing acceptance into the broader group. To sum it up, that desire is primal in nature, and not something so easily disposed of or ignored. I don't agree with your mom's assessment, mind you: sexual orientation isn't something that just...changes. People can become aware of their orientation later in life or be confused about what it is, but inherently, it doesn't actually change. Though perhaps she meant it's fluid in the sense of how we perceive ourselves at any given time in our lives? I can only speculate. I'm sure she meant no offense either way, but it's good to called her on being flippant, and that she saw fit to apologize/explain her reasons.
I know what you mean with this! Sometimes, when people are very accepting they can also give a sort of dismissive vibe. I mean you're glad they're accepting but their easy acceptance can seem to minimise the huge struggle YOU'VE had!
yes! i hear you and see you!! i feel the same frustration you are discribing when someone makes fun for my stress about coming out! for you it was stressful at the time and that is all that matters really. What i tend to do when someone makes fun as in “remember how stressed you were when x,y,z…?” i just put a serious face and say “it actually felt really stressful for me” i dont say it for the other person to stop but more for myself so that i join in the moking and unvalidate my previous experiences.. im sending you a hug!
