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What's Your Story of Coming Out to Yourself?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by BiBoyToy, Feb 21, 2021.

  1. BiBoyToy

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    Thanks for sharing your story @DecentOne. I really enjoyed reading it. :slight_smile:
     
  2. 10 5 gang

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    Was there any signs of you being gay before 18?
     
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  3. Digdogger

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    This forum is making me realize a lot about myself just by reading other peoples story's lol.

    For instance, I read Some of the reactions in this topic several days ago and it Made me think...
    To be honest I never really gave it much thought when my bisexual feelings emerged... offcourse it was more of a process then a sudden thing... but when did it start... I just couldn't tell.

    Offcourse I remember a lot of fragments from my youth that relate to me not just being attracted by men but also by women.
    But hen did these feelings start and when did I realise that these feelings were for real, I find it hard to pinpoint.

    Then I read somewhere on the forum about someone who would listen to an album by Melissa Etheridge (don't know who anymore I'm ashamed to say/write) and then I realized that I had a compilation album with 'hits of the years '90/'91' and that the song 'Like the way I do' by Melissa Etheridge was on there (In the Netherlands this was a hitsingle in 1990, although the song is way older, check Wikipedia for more info.).
    Anyway, I suddenly remembered that whenever that song played when I was listening to the cd, I would wonder whether I was gay... (I read somewhere that she was, that's why).

    This memory surprised me, I was 9 or 10 at the time and I didn't realise that I had such feelings at such a young age... funny.
    I'm not sure if this was the first time I gave this subject any thought, or why I wondered about being gay when I don't remember having feelings for other girls at that time.
    I'll think about this a bit more I guess.

    Well that's enough for now, I have to go to bed, it's late here, Maybe I'll share more later, bye.
     
  4. BiBoyToy

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    I'm so happy to hear that! Thanks for sharing. :slight_smile:
     
    #44 BiBoyToy, Apr 11, 2021
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2021
  5. K80outloud

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    I can really relate to this!

    I posted my story a while ago here, but have loved reading everyone else’s! When I started accepting I was gay as opposed to “open”, I went back and started remembering crushes and questions, people I would notice. Two stand out...

    Memory #1. I was 9 or 10 when I saw the original Footloose in the theater. Loved it! Loved the dancing!!! I heard the song Holding out for a Hero the other day. Have always loved that song (despite the message) so looked up the scene (which I misremembered). Hit me like a ton of bricks. I distinctly remember watching the girl who started the tractor race, especially how she looked in her Jordache jeans (I was obsessed with those!) That memory was fun. I also remember thinking I needed a hero, it had to be one of the boys (because that’s what the movie was telling me), and that that was disappointing somehow but I didn’t understand how. That part was a sad memory.

    Memory #2. In high school, I loved Twin Peaks! My best friend and I scared ourselves senseless watching it in her basement every week. Rewatching it recently, I realized I wanted to be Lara Flynn Boyle (did my hair and clothes like her for my 10th grade school pic) but that I wanted to be with Sherilyn Fenn! Total crush. That was fun to remember too.

    I don’t remember seeing or knowing of lesbian women or couples until college (feels embarrassingly and maddeningly late!). I understand now why representation matters so much. If I had seen girls like me when I was young, maybe it wouldn’t have taken me until 45 to accept myself and live out loud! Maybe I would’ve recognized those memories for what they were instead of being ashamed and stuffing them down.

    Thanks for this forum... it’s helping me to feel like the way my life happened is ok. ♥️
     
  6. BiBoyToy

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    Thanks for sharing, @K80outloud. I really enjoyed reading what you had to say! :slight_smile:
     
  7. Denial

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    I was in middle school there was this girl I was rather fond of. At first I thought I just wanted to be her friend and thought nothing of it. Then when she changed her hairstyle I didn't have any interest in her anymore. I later figured out she was a crush.
     
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  8. BiBoyToy

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    Thanks for sharing, @Denial. :slight_smile:
     
  9. eron

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    From the time I hit puberty, I always had an interest in guys, and. more specifically, their genitals. I would masturbate to thoughts of mutual masturbation with a guy I saw at the swimming pool or in the locker room at school. At that time, I also developed a keen interest in the opposite sex, and through the years, decades for that matter, I had great relations with women. However, as the years passed, I continued to harbor my thoughts and desires for same-sex relations, which became only more dominate with the advent of the internet. The same fascination I had as a teen continued but became much stronger. Long story, short, I finally acted on my sex-sex desire a number of years ago, and, although it wasn't a struck by lightning moment, I looked myself in the mirror and admitted that I'm bisexual. Interestingly, this self-admission only intensified my same-sex desires. Not sure where it will take me, but perhaps its only the next step along the journey to admitting I'm gay. In any event, it was exceptionally liberating.
     
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  10. Engdood1

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    Disclaimer- I’m close to coming out to myself but not to anyone else. I was driving in my car and thinking about my previous night’s exploits with a girl and wondering why it didn’t work out (I couldn’t get hard). I went through in my mind all of the times this had happened to me and it was a lot. Then it suddenly occurred to me that I might actually be gay. I had honestly not really considered it until that point. I got an incredible raging hard on and thought about it for the rest of the day. I admit I am still questioning but the evidence does seem to point to me being gay, I am finding that hard to accept though.
     
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  11. SunnyNarwal

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    Really enjoyed reading through this thread. As someone who's currently going through the questioning/bargaining phase of "coming out" to myself, it's really relieving to hear from people who have gone through this process and eventually figured it out. It makes me feel less weird and stressed to see that ya'll had to go through some self-confrontation and confusion as well. I've felt really alone in just how stressed-out and emotional I've been about this whole process. Reading all of your stories makes me feel less alone, and excited about the future instead of hopeless.
     
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  12. BiBoyToy

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    I really enjoyed reading your story, @eron! Thanks for sharing. :slight_smile:
     
  13. eron

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    Thanks - I'm guessing that it resonated with a few people.
     
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  14. SimplyJay

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    By sometime in my early 20's I down inside I basically knew I wasn't straight, but didn't want to admit it even to myself...come sometime in my 30's I finally 'came out to myself'. (there was not any one specific event/day/etc, just happened over time.)

    Looking back now even as far as highschool, I can see signs of it that I at the time I didn't pick up on.
    (ofcourse back then, stuff like gay/bi/etc was deff something people kept quiet)
     
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  15. Jo Hannah

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    This was a good thread .. I can’t add my contribution as yet .. I am still working this through .. Feb 2020 through a series of events .. as per my 1st post here is the start of my journey to self acceptance. I am still working through it and so all I know right now is I am not 100% straight anymore ..and have no idea what that means for me .. but Thank you all for your stories it helps me to feel less alone x
     
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  16. BiBoyToy

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    Take your time, @Jo Hannah. :slight_smile:
     
  17. GrumpyOldLady

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    I can relate to a lot of these, especially those who took a long time to figure it out. I first started this process around 7 years ago, when I was 45 after my dad passed away. I've done a lot of self-reflection and gone through different ideas since then and explored my thoughts about being trans but I've shied away from going full in with a masculine identity, I think in the end for me my gender is largely irrelevant although i still identify as female to a certain extent.

    When I look back there were tons of signs: enjoying looking at girls in Playboy magazines, having crushes on certain female celebrities and sometimes my friends, having fantasies about women that turned me on much more than my fantasies of men. I always dismissed them as something I needed to "fix" because although my upbringing was not religious it simply wasn't that acceptable when I grew up and the only lesbians I ever heard about were negative stereotypes. I was also sexually abused as a child and there was a lot of thinking that sexual abuse could "turn" people lesbian so I wanted to prove them wrong.

    Whenever I did meet women who were obviously lesbian it frightened me enough that I would run away as fast as I could, or if a female friend seemed too close I'd resort to obsessing over guys.

    I've had crushes on guys but when I look back they were mostly about having a relationship, growing up I felt I needed the validation of a relationship with a man to prove my self-worth. So my crushes were all about me and the kind of relationship I wanted from the guy, and as soon as that wasn't possible the feelings faded away completely. I've had a few relationships with men but there's never been much passion in the bedroom, and again I thought maybe something was wrong with me or I just couldn't find the right guy. Even the man I eventually married is more of a friend than a lover and there's never been much passion there although I loved him the way you'd love a best friend or close family member.

    Still, I kept thinking of myself as bisexual until I developed my first acknowledged crush on a woman and it is so fundamentally different than any way I've ever felt about a guy that I have to admit to myself the obvious: I'm a lesbian and always have been despite my attempts to "fix" it.
     
    #57 GrumpyOldLady, Jul 18, 2021
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2021
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  18. DougL666

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    So, I don’t know exactly when I accepted my bisexuality and actually “came out to myself” but in reality the moment I had engaged in same sex sex (with my friend at the time) I knew I was at least bisexual to some extent. Or, maybe I thought I was just horny and willing to try anything. I don’t know but I know I wanted it and was happy to have experienced it in several occasions. We had quite an affair that lasted at least 2 years before he moved far away and then I got older and joined the military (which, at the time did not tolerate homosexuality in any way) so I had to pretend to be “straight” but I always knew I wasn’t.
     
  19. Richelle1

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    I have been taking online gay tests and when it says I'm gay I kind of like it. When it says i'm bi I'm a little disappointed. The results never come back straight.
     
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  20. Ingvermama

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    My results on these tests always come back as bisexual or maybe lesbian! My Kinsey score is a 3 :blush:
     
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