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What would qualify

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Dannytheshining, Aug 31, 2021.

  1. Dannytheshining

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    I hate the idea of labels, but if you were wondering if you are gay, what are some things to look for?
     
  2. QuietPeace

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    Being aroused at the thought of being sexual with a member of the same sex/gender as you are.
     
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  3. caden0803

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    To add onto to @QuietPeace’s point the thought of being with the opposite sex makes you uncomfortable. I’ve also found enjoying same sex relationships in content with romantic elements to it can be a good indicator. Especially if you get the feeling of wanting what they have in real life.
     
    #3 caden0803, Aug 31, 2021
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  4. Sadness

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    I would like to know too. In those last days, whenever i thought about a men sexualy i could get hard, but i couldnt maintain. Since i would get soft again. Then i would get hard again, and then soft. Its very cofusing and i dont know why this happens.
     
    #4 Sadness, Aug 31, 2021
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2021
  5. Dannytheshining

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    I got turned on by picking up a carrot tonight. I think it is true for me. Thanks for your help
     
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  6. Dannytheshining

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    One thing that makes it confusing is, I love the nude female form, but it does not make me fantasize. I fantasize the other way
     
  7. tidalpool127

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    So I identify as gay but it's not like I'm disgusted by the sight of a naked woman. In fact, I can find beauty in it. Really gorgeous women on the street can still cause me to pay attention to them, I just don't want to have sex with them. I don't have sexual fantasies about women anymore but I did when I was younger and was still able to get aroused. The few times I've hooked up with women I had trouble going all the way with them but I still enjoyed the encounters, I didn't find them gross. So why do I use the gay label? Well, because all those activities like noticing people on the street, fantasies, and sexual encounters are for me 100x more intense when they involve another man.
     
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  8. PatrickUK

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    I think gay men can admire the female form from an aesthetic or artistic point of view. As a gay man, I can totally see what straight/bi men see in members of the opposite sex, but I have no deeper connection. What I see is completely disconnected from what I feel. I knew a gay photographer who used to do a lot of portrait and life work and he had a great appreciation for the female form. He told me that he found women beautiful, but men/masculinity totally captivated him. I thought that was quite a neat way to describe it and I totally get it.
     
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  9. Nobu

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    A pattern of being exclusively aroused by same gender sex/romance.

    Also a quicker “acid test” - does the thought of going down on a girl get you hard?
     
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  10. Sadness

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    I actually i think i fit here too. Probably ocd can be on a different way on this but the actions are the same as mine.

    Im straight and have ocd, but those last days ive been able to get aroused when masturbating thinking about gay sex, but i cant actually "masturbate" and orgasm since i go soft. But i do feel arousal when masturbating. But woman is 1000x better to me.


    I would like to answer this, the thought of going down on a woman does turn me one almost everytime, but i have a hard time trying to think about the pussy texture and taste? Since ive never did. So ot gets hard to me to fantasizie without feeling anxiety bc i cant imagine the texture and taste. But the action itself its pretty much awesome
     
  11. Dannytheshining

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    Based on the acid test I would say I'm gay. I actually find the penis hot. I saw one porn video where the woman pulled down the guys pants and I loved the reveal.
     
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  12. Dannytheshining

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    I took a few tests to see if I was gay. One test I loved that opened my eyes had 2 great questions:
    1) would you enjoy caressing the genitals of a same sex person (YES) or opposite sex (no)
    2)if you were on vacation and no one would know (assuming I'm single) and met a hot guy what would you do (my answer was have sex with them)
     
  13. I'm gay

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    I think you answered your own question right here. If you can picture yourself caressing the genitals of a guy, and thinking about that arouses you, then yes, that would be something to look for.
     
  14. out2019

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    Just to echo what everyone else said here - I find the female form beautiful, and notice women on the street, but as @PatrickUK says, that's as far as it goes. I don't get sexually aroused even if i contemplate or are sometimes curious to touch them.

    This describes my experience pretty well once I allowed myself to accept my gay feelings it not so much that that mild arousal to women disappeared it was just minuscule compared to the gay feelings I finally let myself have.

    This describes my feelings pretty well -though i used that admiration to denial I was gay.

    When I was questioning someone on this forum asked, who could you imagine coming home to, kissing and saying I love you. I finally 'let' myself think about doing that with a guy and ...it was all over - I knew I was gay not just sexually but romantically - and that in turn intensified my gay sexual urges... as @tidalpool127 says above - my urges were 100X more intense then anything I had for women.

    Keep in mind very few people are "100%" gay and often we use that slight bit of attraction to women to justify denial.
     
  15. out2019

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    I would disagree about 'exclusive' many gay men can have sex with women - in fact many who came out later in life were married to women.

    I don't think the 'acid test' is helpful either -you can be straight and just not like oral sex! Some gay guys actually don't like anal intercourse for example.
     
  16. Sadness

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    Actually i agree with out2019 here. I dont think those things are related to sexuality. It just feels more like stereotypes all over again. Is the same saying that if a men crosses his legs when he sits he is in fact gay.

    And im saying this bc im one of those straight guys who even if never had done oral to a woman, i fear so much that i wont like doing, but i never did so i dont know if i wont like it, but i fear, some because it couls mean im in fact gay, but mostly bc it feels so selfish to no want to give your woman/man pleasure. I feel really bad for it. I try fantasizing aboht doing this and even if i get aroused, theres anxiety bc its hard for me to fantasize, theres a weird feeling like im not enjoying, but im aroused.

    So there are cases like that too, i even saw gay people that dont like doing oral, as much as i see woman saying they dont like to give men oral. Its just related to what you like

    So sometimes i think that genitals arent a big deal.
     
    #16 Sadness, Sep 5, 2021
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 5, 2021
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  17. Nickw

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    @Dannytheshining

    As others have mentioned, sexuality is a spectrum. Few are totally straight or totally gay. There is a large middle ground where we can find sexual attraction from the right person of the opposite sex or the same sex.

    I’m a bisexual in the middle of the spectrum. I find some men and some women sexually desirable. And, I’m capable of romantic feelings for both.

    It seems to me you might be more on the gay end of the spectrum. While it is possible to remain in a loving and romantic marriage with your wife, it might be very difficult. You may find that not engaging with your true sexuality may cause you to begin to blame your wife.

    Have you discussed your feelings with your wife?
     
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