What are you thinking?

It’s almost been 9 years since I discovered EC, no less wiser than when I started. Crazy lol

 

I might sue the dentist I just saw. I waited 6 years to see her and now have 2 stitches in my mouth after she removed the wrong tooth. The wisdom tooth that keeps getting infected is still there but the perfectly fine tooth in front of it is gone.

 

Thinking that these (remaining) 34 days are going to drag, especially if we keep getting heavy snow fall.

Still, if it means my husband will be back by the start of the planting season, I'll take it.

 

Why do I never learn?

 

I'm so sick of the customers at work

 

If I can get fabric straps for my Fitbit. The one it comes with have caused red dry patches around my wrist when it moves up my arm and I don’t want to wear it if I can’t wear it comfortably.

 

I've been thinking about a lot of things lately. My mind is never in just one place. I've been working on trying to be somewhat more present in my life but it's hard when my anxiety kicks in sometimes. It isn't always like this. I'm trying to take one day at a time to the best of my ability. I guess I'm afraid of being forcibly outed or somebody IRL finding out I'm trans and loosing friends over it if they find out. Since I started swimming, this fear has doubled for me...and getting changed doesn't help my dysphoria either....

 

Apartments where tenants have to provide their own stove AND fridge? And of course they don't say that in the initial ad. Apartment hunting SUCKS.

 

I sometimes think I should find some sort of social group to join. Then I think how I’d actually have to make an effort with my appearance and I don’t want to. Then I would have to deal with people and I’m not great at that. I have no friends and I’m not sure I could keep them if I knew how to make them.

 

Oh I know! I need those websites that have a checklist of the things I want, which isn’t even that much, but it’s amazing how greedy some of these landlords are.

 

The fact that I said "that's kind of gay" unintentionally in a conversation because I hear it so much at work... that says a lot, huh?

Still. It won't be forever. I am going to learn to drive, I'll move to the city and most importantly I will find a better job. I don't want to give up on my dreams just yet. Not ready to settle.

It's scary. But the thought of things staying the same is even scarier.

 

History really does repeat itself.

 

I keep referring to myself as a Queer Woman... And it feels good for some reason...

 

My dad keeps saying he’ll get someone to shoot my dog. Personally if it’s up to me I’d rather he goes. I don’t want him dead just somewhere else making other people miserable. It’s sad because the only person that likes him is the dog.

 

Why would he want someone to shoot your dog?

 

I am thinking about how much I wish it would stop snowing because I have a physio appointment tomorrow!