I have known I'm bisexual for a long time now. However, I just recently came to accept it and come out to a few people. I've noticed I have a strong urge to tell people about my first experience with another guy. Why do you think this is? Is it normal?
Many bisexual people get crap that they are actually just gay or straight. Perhaps you're seeking validation that you are "bi enough" and are worried that people will dismiss your same sex attraction?
Could it be some sort of minor exhibitionism? I want people to know about myself and sometimes do overshare but I am pretty private about sharing details about intimate activities.
That could be a possibility. I have noticed when I walk about my same sex experience I get really turned on.
So it sounds like it's serving as sort of a fetish for you. There are lots of people who have similar fetishes about describing fantasies, or writing about actual experiences in an erotic way. It's pretty harmless as long as you understand the boundaries of where it is and is not appropriate to share... some folks will definitely look at those stories as TMI, while others will be turned on by it.
Do you think the fact that I still have feelings for him could be a huge part of it? When I talk to people about same sex fantasies, I don't get turned on much at all. It's only when I'm describing my actual experiences with him that I do.
Well... I think it's that you had a powerful sexual experience that's stayed memorable. And it's possible the feelings you have are genuinely for him, but it is also possible that the feelings are associated with the strong emotional experience that came out of the sexual experiences with him. My guess is that if you were to engage in more sexual experiences with men you felt a real connection to, you'd probably have similar feelings that would be a lot closer to that first experience.
I started coming out to people shortly after accepting that I'm gay. I found myself telling a bit of TMI to some friends about what I like in a guy (and even a little something sexually). I chose wisely with whom to do it, except once (with one of my best straight male friends, of whom I expected to handle it because he had told me repeatedly *much* more about girls, but he just couldn't even process the beginning of it). It actually helped me to deal with shame and I don't regret it. Now I'm at a place where I can say that I'm not ashamed of any of the "weirdest" parts about me (sexually, hobbies, and all the rest), which is so liberating! But I have to say that it was difficult only telling part of the story to the people I didn't feel like talking about unnecessary details. After 25+ years in the closet, I guess it's natural to want to leave it all out. You have to keep a balance between not keeping that inside you and not telling the story to people who don't "deserve" it. Once it's done, it can't be undone.
I completely agree that the feelings I have for him are associated with the strong emotional attraction towards him that were a result of my sexual experiences with him. However, I think I was emotionally attracted to him prior to our sexual experiences and that the sexual experiences with him just made my feelings for him that much more intense and resulted in me falling head over heels in love with him. I think your absolutely right that if I developed an emotional attraction to another man that I felt a real connection to, and engaged in sexual experiences with, I would have the same feelings for them.
I also thankfully chose wisely with who I came out to as bisexual. As for sharing TMI, I think it had a lot to do with the fact that they asked a bunch of questions, "how do you know? Have you ever done anything with another guy? Who was it with? What did you do?" The few people I came out to were my siblings that I'm super close with so I didn't mind sharing TMI.
