Unsure of Sexuality at 18

First off, welcome to EC!

Now, there's no one foolproof set of steps everyone can go through to get past the questioning and all that. But, I'll suggest a couple of tips/ideas that might hopefully help.

Before anything else, don't worry too much about labels. It doesn't matter whether you're gay/straight/bi/pan/whatever, you can settle that once you're comfortable enough with the idea of whatever it is you're attracted to. So work on that first.

On that note, focus most on what you're attracted to. That's the hardest part; being honest enough with yourself to explore all sides of you. You're already off to a good start in admitting that you're questioning, so kudos to you. Some people like comparing straight to gay to lesbian porn, which might help you out, but if that's not your thing just give some deep thought to what it is you fantasize about. Also take a mental note of who catches your eye when you're walking around places: hot guys or hot girls.

As for the not having dated thing, I'm in the same boat as you. I've never even so much as kissed anyone (romantically), but I'm very sure that I'm gay. Why? Because I'm attracted to guys. I still have self doubt once in a while about whether I can truly call myself gay if I've never tried either gay or straight relationships, but I try and remind myself of this: who you date does not determine who you're attracted to, in fact, it is quite the opposite that's true.

I know questioning sucks; trust me (and everyone else here), we've all been through it. It isn't fun, but the end result and satisfaction in having a greater sense of self is definitely worth it. Just keep in mind that you don't have to be in any rush to figure it out, but if actively thinking about it helps give you some peace of mind, then do what you've gotta do.

And if nothing else, feel free to stick around EC for a while. It might help reassure you that there's nothing wrong with being 'not straight' (if that's a concern of yours) since the vast majority of us are relatively average people. And if you've got other questions, or even just want to vent, we've always got a few ears willing to listen.

 

Hey I would just like to say firstly that what you said wont sound silly to anyone here on EC and secondly 18 is still young to be figuring out your sexuality so dont worry, you will find plenty of help and support here on EC.

 

I am also 18 and new to both EC and the idea that I might be a lesbian. I am not sure how to be certain of my sexuality because I never thought of myself as gay when I was growing up, this feeling has come up in the past few months. However, I recently had an experience with another girl that makes me think that I probably am lesbian. I have kissed boys before but I didn't really feel anything, and being with a girl was so much more fun.
I'm also nervous about coming out at kind of a late age.

 

18 is NOT a late age. The late teen years are a very common age to be just realizing your sexuality.

I was about 10 years older than you.

So, don't worry about that.

And welcome, to both of you newbies.

 

You are really not old, I was in my mid to late 20s so dont worry, and yes for the record girls are so much more fun. I think for most people coming out is nerve wracking at any age.

 

I know finding out at a later age can seem confusing, especially if you were convinced you were straight growing up, as i was.. but there is a benefit. all of your friends are much more mature by now and are much more likely to be understanding and supportive. when kids are at school you know they can be much more cruel. so don't worry about thinking of it as late also you are more likely to be able to be independent now, so if anyone was to react badly, you are much more free to move away and be yourself and live your own life (if that was to happen, which most likely it won't )

 

Rob, thanks for posting cus these replies have even helped me that little bit more. Im not far from what u are feeling, it was only a few weeks ago. I have finally decided that I am gay, but now just looking at the best way of coming out to my best mates.

 

Some people consider themselves "unlabeled," which may be something for you to consider. When I was 18 I didn't refer to myself as anything, and it took me a long time to accept that I was a lesbian -- a label that ultimately felt right to me. So, for me I guess that was transitory, but many remain unlabeled for life.

 

Rob, you are gay, and you are only going to get gayer. You feel that "emotional connection" with girls because they are putting out feelers to try to get in the sack with you. If you hang out a while with gay guys, you'll get essentially the same kind of feelers, only the feelers are like a tray of sashimi compared to fish and chips: you sure as hell don't want to try everything, but everything is something different and interesting.

It's easy enough to handle when you are an adult. You talk to guys, and you get to know them. Share your interests, compare your MBTI scores, chit-chat about your culinary preferences, and generally be pleasant to be around. You can get any regular idiot to love you within an hour.

If you are still not sure, you really don't have to label yourself. You have enough other people trying to do that service for you. You know best what you are into, and what other people have to say about it is opinion and nothing but opinion.

Take me for reference: at 28, I still don't consider myself to be entirely "gay." I never found PICTURES of male bodies to be attractive. I find their presence attractive. I find their bodily warmth to be attractive. I find the connection I can have with them to be attractive. I find their earthiness to be erotic in ways that I cannot understand, much less explain. However, the image of pure, clean, sensual beauty for me is still female. I still wonder sometimes if I would have made a good dad. I know there is another side to me. I recognize it, and I accept it.

 

Cool name.

 

Hey, no worries. I'm 18 also and am still fairly confused. I'm listed as gay because I have a very strong attraction to certain guys, but I find myself attracted to females in certain situations. Its tough to know whats right when you haven't had a serious relationship with someone, which I haven't.

 

Don't worry about it, man. I'm 19, almost 20, and I'm still confuzzled as hell.

Sometimes I say I'm gay, others I say I'm bisexual but homoromantic.

I'm sure as time goes on we'll figure things out - for now just enjoy life, and get yourself a boyfriend! ^^ (or gf, whatever works.)

 

I'm 18 and going through the same thing, so I don't have much advice. Just know that there are others out there going through the same thing you are. Just reading comments from members on this site really helped me start to come to terms with everything.

 

These replies are reassuring- thanks! I'm just unsure of myself because I know a lot of people who realized they were gay at the age of 13 or 14, and since I'm just now having these feelings, I'm not sure if they are real or if being a lesbian is just something that I didn't let myself admit until now, or what.