Okay...um, this came out of nowhere. I guess I've just been thinking about myself and what my sexuality is. I know I'm romantically attracted to girls, but I really don't look at anybody and go "wow, they're hot.", even when others all agree that a person is. I don't really have "thoughts" about people that would be considered attractive. Like, even my gf. I think she's attractive, but in like an aesthetic way? I don't know how to explain it. The thing is, I'm not entirely against the "act" (I can't say the word unfortunately lol), it's just I don't see myself ever doing it. I have thoughts sometimes, like imagining scenarios, but it's like I said before. I just don't think I could ever be that vulnerable with somebody. Maybe it's because I'm so young? I know a LARGE majority of kids in my grade (9th) have done it before, but I'm just...not into it. I dunno, I probably sound really dumb and naive talking about this. I've kinda considered myself a homoromantic ace for a while, but I'm not sure if it's just possibly my fear of being vulnerable with people, and if it maybe has to do with my body dysphoria. so yeah
Hi, there! I won't be able to tell you with any absolute certainty, of course, but I hope I can be of some help. Your age might be a factor: not everyone comes into their sexual feelings at the same time. For some people, it could take until their 20's to start experiencing sexual attraction or desire. That isn't to say you aren't asexual, mind you, but that at your age, it's difficult to know for sure. You say your attraction--even to your girlfriend--is purely aesthetic, correct? Does this mean you only appreciate with your eyes, otherwise not experiencing any of the physical reactions? Or do you experience anything at all--such as the "butterflies in your stomach", or a hot/cold sensation in your chest, tingling of any kind (I don't necessarily mean in intimate places, but others too--such as hands, back, neck, cheeks, etc.) If you don't experience any physical reaction whatsoever (again, bearing in mind that physical reactions needn't be in sexual places), and if you find yourself not experiencing those feelings around anyone even years later... Then it's possible you're asexual. But as I said, it's also possible that your age is a contributing factor, or some other experience (or lack thereof) that might have hindered your growth in this respect. Likewise, if you have body dysmorphia (or gender dysphoria), it can absolutely have an impact not only on how you feel about yourself, but how you feel about others and intimacy with them. Whether you're ace or not, just know that there's nothing wrong with you. If ace feels like it fits right now, then by all means, feel free to use the label--or if you prefer, don't use any labels you don't want to. You're young, at an age when it's expected that you need to experiment with different labels and identities. It's even good to go through these processes, as it helps us understand ourselves better as we mature. I hope this helps, and that you find what works for you.
'Scuse me for being ignorant but what exactly is 'ace', other than a colloquial term for something that's good or positive? Beth
BiGemini nailed it. Not having it all figured out by 9th grade is pretty darn normal. Not everyone will have their "sexual awakening" (putting some heavy quotes right there) at the same time. And don't compare yourself to "early bloomers", most people lose their virginity in their late teens or early twenties actually. Maybe you'll turn out to be ace, maybe not. These are labels you use "after the fact" you know, like maybe one day you'll have sex and find it cool, then you won't be ace. Or just you'll feel yourself wanting it, then you won't be ace. But maybe it never comes, maybe it's not supposed to. Maybe you'll feel that you don't want nor need it. After a while you'll feel more confident saying you are asexual. Maybe you're gonna feel like calling yourself ace right now, maybe it won't feel right anymore past a certain point. Just take your time, you're young. No pressure if you don't get it right on the first time. that's short for Asexual
