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Tonight's The Night?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Lebowski45, Sep 27, 2010.

  1. Lebowski45

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    So, I told myself that I'd tell my parents today. Now that the day has actually come, I'm scared to death again. It feels like my whole life is being dominated by this whole situation, and I know that I'm only delaying something I'll inevitably have to face at some point. It doesn't make things any easier though. I've always got on really well with my parents and the thought of seeing any disappointment or horror or whatever on their faces just makes me feel down.

    I decided last night I was going to tell them and chickened out, vowing to do it today, which I'm proceeding to chicken out of again. I'm starting to re-evaluate how I'm going to go about it. Originally I was going to do it by letter, then I decided to do it face to face, to both of them. I'm finding this incredibly hard to do. So I've thought about telling my mum alone first (who I think will be more understanding), and then that'll practically force me into the horrendous act of telling my dad. But I wanted to tell them both at the same time so as not to make them think I was more comfortable with one or the other etc.

    I don't know what to do :frowning2: I'm starting to think about writing a letter again, because I'm hopeless at speaking, I've always been better at expressing myself through the written word, but I don't know if this will make them feel as if I can't speak to them or something..........

    As for everyone else, I feel entirely comfortable about others knowing about my sexuality now, I feel like blowing up my closet for good :slight_smile: I want all my other friends to know within the next week or so. It's just the whole telling my parents that's bothering me. God I just need the strength to do it. And I just needed to put all this down in writing to get it off my chest.
     
  2. csm123

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    Hi,you can do it.

    Just remember that all your thoughts are "worst case scenareo" and hopefully will never be a reality.

    I absolutely agree with you about telling your parents one at a time,i would have told my mum first if she was still alive,forcing me to have to tell my dad.As it happened dad looked a bit shocked but was fine about it.I find it easier to tell family members when alone with them.

    Good luck,let us know how it goes.
     
  3. 4 seat

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    I felt the same way last week. I got up on Wednesday and said "Today I'm going to tell my mom and that's that". I was already supposed to meet her for lunch so I figured I would do it there.

    On the way to meet her up for lunch, I got so nervous and freaked out that I pulled over on the side of the road and puked. And not just a little. Straight up goodbye to breakfast and anything else left from the night before. This caused me to be late and I am NEVER late, so already she knew something was up.

    Went to lunch, couldn't tell her. Followed her around the mall for 2 more hours, couldn't tell her. Went home, couldn't tell her.

    But then later that night I pulled her into my room and she could tell something was really wrong, so she listened. Not exactly the way I was hoping it would go in my head, but now she's kool.

    Ha, dunno why I told you that. Just to show you that I know exactly how you feel and it blows, so I empathize with you. Good luck man.
     
  4. Lebowski45

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    Thank you both for your replies. Unfortunately I've failed again but I'm trying not to be too despondent. I was close to telling them just there but it just didn't feel right so I didn't. It didn't really help that they were both sitting watching Coronation Street where one of the big issues was the "coming out" of two lesbians, and a gay character started talking about how his parents had reacted when he told them (I don't even know why it didn't help but it just didn't).

    So, this situation is going the same way it was when I was trying to tell two of my friends, and then my brother and sister. Basically I chicken out at first but I told them in the end, so I can do it with my parents too. I know I can. I just need to work up more courage I think. Hopefully I can do it soon, its constantly on my mind.

    csm123, I agree with you, I think it's going to be easier telling them alone, so I've changed my plan to do just that. For some reason I'm finding telling them both at the same time almost impossible. Therefore I hope to tell my mum first, I think that'll be easier to do, I know I can do that if the opportunity comes up. Then, it'll force me to tell mt dad.

    4seat, I can really relate to what you went through. It's funny how hard it is just to say such a simple thing. Well maybe funny is the wrong word, it's heart-wrenching, and I can totally understood how you were sick, its a horrible feeling inside. But you got there in the end, and that was good to hear. You did it, and I'm hoping I'll do it too. I wish I could be much better at this, I want it all out the way but I'm dragging my heels. I know I'll get there in the end though.

    Thanks again for your support, EC really helps when it comes to getting my thoughts down. I'm sure it's not going to be the last time I need to post
     
  5. peaceandlies

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    okay, right now, go find your parents/phone them or text them and say 'tonight theres something i need to tell you, and you need to remind me to do it' also get your sister to be there/ make you do it. you'll thank her
     
  6. Eleanor Rigby

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    That's OK (*hug*), take all the time you need and don't beat yourself up for that. It wasn't today, then it'll be tomorrow, next week, next month... Coming out is not a race.
    And feel free to post about it just as much as you want if it's helping.
    Take care (*hug*) C├ęcile
     
  7. matty123

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    when i came out i ended up getting my sister to tell my parents for me because i couldn't bring myself to say the words, so i think that anyone who manages to come out to their parents alone is incredibly brave, so don't rush it, just take your time and do it when it feels right, and i think there are 'good' and 'bad' times to do it, times when your parents may or may not be the most receptive to that kind of news, so make sure to do it when you feel ready and when the moment is right!good luck :slight_smile:
     
  8. padre411

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    I promise there is grace on the other side of this. At least you're 21 doing this and not 46 like I was. You are way ahead of the game at this point. :slight_smile:
     
  9. Lebowski45

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    Thank you all for your advice. I'm trying not to rush it really, but I'm hoping for an opportunity to come up soon, and I'm going to make sure I take it next time. I'm still not sure about how I'm going to do it, but I'm starting to think about writing it down in a letter again. Though if I find time alone with my mum I may just tell her.

    I'm also thinking of telling the rest of my friends. I'm not scared about them knowing anymore, its just something I don't feel comfortable doing, but it has to be done at some point I guess. I may have a chance to do that tomorrow.

    Thanks again.
     
  10. csm123

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    Hi again,your doing very well up to now,and i hope it continues.

    Good to hear that you want to tell your friends,but just be carefull that roumers dont get back home as im sure you would rather your parents hear it from you,on your terms.

    Good luck
     
  11. Lebowski45

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    Thanks again. I totally agree, that's why I stopped after telling my third friend, incase it got back to my family without them hearing it from me first. I don't really want to tell anymore friends to keep it a secret, because I just want to come out and be happy about it, and also I don't want to have to explain to everyone, I'd rather some just heard it second hand. So once I tell my parents, then I'm happy just to tell people.

    I'm almost finished drafting my letter, I'm coming round to the idea of doing it that way again. I don't really have the courage to do it face to face :frowning2: So I will post what I have when its ready, I might need some help in how to do it/what to say. Thanks again
     
  12. FinallyOut22

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    I came out a few weeks ago, 9-10-2010. It was also my birthday. LOL. It was really rough cause in high school I was a big football and wrestling star. My family always bragged about my athletic ability.One day years ago my dad found a letter I had written this boy I was "messing around with" and he was pissed. He was telling me he was going to send me to get help and all this stuff. My mom was furious, my brother and sister did't even talk to me. So I lied and said it was a prank some other guy wrote and I took it from him and forgot about it being in my bag.MISTAKE, I should have just let everything out then it would have been so much easier, the later in life you wait the more you will regret it caus eit prevents you from doing some things you could have done. I am 23 so I didn't wait too long but wish I could have lived life as a openly gay teen and been who I really was. When I came out a few weeks ago, my sister and brother both cried with me then hugged me and told me they loved me, my mom was just happy that I am happy now. My dad hasn't really came around too well yet but he is on his way. He is talking to me and he actually even told me one night when I was going out last weekend that I needed to buy some more pants that my ass didn't look great in the ones I was wearing LOL....So just remember man, that the people who truly love you will keep on loving you and more than likely grow closer cause now they know the "REAL" you. Friends are going to react different ways but the ones you can really count on will still like you for you, not your sexual orientation. I felt as if my world was brand new after I told people. I am still a straight acting guy but I wear my pride bracelet everyday now and I don't hide anything. So work up the courage the best you can but when you decide to "come out" do it for yourself not anyone else. Cause you are the one who deserves to be happy, trust me I know from expierence that holding it in hurts worse than than the feelings of the people you tell. Good Luck man, I hope everything works out well for you, Be Proud and Be Yourself. Keep me updated. :icon_bigg