I tried explaining to them how I feel, and at first things didn't click, but then I went into more depth and they thought I was just spouting nonsense and didn't believe a thing I said. My parents are really conservative/christian so yeah......
To tell my story would really require a book, it is also not a really encouraging story. I am outside heteronormativity both in my gender and orientation the really shortened version is I first came to understand that I was not the way people expected when I was around 3 or 4 but when I tried to explain to my mother that I was actually a girl she reacted badly and I learned that it was not something to talk about. I move out on my own at 22 and then at 23 finally came out and started to live as my true self. Because of bad relationships I was shove back into the closet twice over the years and only started living permanently as my true self at 44. I have lived full time as a woman for about 15 years of my life but been on hormones a little over 30 years (I am 58). As far as my orientation, when pretending to be male as required by family and society I only was involved with other women. In living as my true self I have been involved with men and women (of those two were trans guys and one nonbinary). Most of the relationships that I have been in were either blatantly abusive (sometimes so severely as to be life threatening) or at least the person was only using me and threw me away when they became bored or I started to stand up to them and wanted to be respected. I eventually decided I was asexual which has now morphed into my being demisexual. I now have a boyfriend who I got to know as a friend during my most recent divorce (married 3 times, always to someone AFAB). Because every person who ever said they "loved" me has abused me I no longer use that word since it only seems to mean both in my life and literature "I will use use you until you stand up to me" (whether physically/sexually or financially abusive).
Hi Comrade, Welcome to EC! You can read through my threads and get the long-hand version of coming out, but here is a medium sized summary. When I was a young teen, there was some evidence that I was more than straight. The labels available at the time were Straight or Gay (at least as far as anyone around me was saying). I knew I liked girls, and had physical reactions to girls. That put me under the straight label. But my friends would catch me staring at a guy, and my best friend finally asked me if I liked guys. My response was "I like people." Perhaps that was a mild coming out, but it had no label to go with it. So, I was straight for the next 40 years, and it fit (or "Straight, with a little extra"). Feel in love with women, had my heart broken by a couple, broke the heart of one, got turned down by more, got back in the game again. Any guy who approached me got a polite response from me "I'm flattered, but no, I'm straight" (with a smile, and an offer of friendship). I fell in love with my wife and dated, got engaged, got married, raised kids to adulthood, and we very much love and support each other. Then in late mid-life something shifted. My brain switched to all-male fantasies. Yes, I love my wife and we're still an active couple, but my alone time is my imagination about guys. As if something inside me said: "Long enough, pay attention, now is the time!" I went into therapy, and quickly came out to myself. Went from being an LGBTQ ally to claiming one of those letters as bisexual, and was fine with that. Practiced what I would say to my wife with my therapist. Came out very quickly to my wife. And then my coming out was stopped. I wanted to come out to my Mom, our kids, our friends - wife said no. She was so afraid of this shift in my label and what people would think. Sigh. Patience but also assertiveness with my wife. But things got better. I came out to the kids months later (wife there crying the whole time), and they were great about it as I knew they would be (we raised them right!). Came out to my Mom and other relatives (turns out one of them shared it with others before I could get to them, oops). Everyone was fine with it. Came out at work. Came out at church. Went to a LGBTQ-friendly clinic and came out to my doctor. Again, everyone had good reactions. Joined LGBTQ groups. Marched with a bi-pride shirt in the Pride Parade, smiling and waving a rainbow flag. Got stuff at Pride that showed my pride: a rainbow wristband from AARP (it said "Pride is Ageless") that I now wear every day, and got an equality sticker for my car. Flew the bi flag on my house on Bi Visibility Day. Totally out now. Feels good, really good! By sharing my story I'm not suggesting you be a late bloomer like me, nor do I suggest you let someone else control your coming out timing. You can take your time, Comrade, and come out how it works for you, when the moment feels right.
