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This has NEVER happened before..

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by sugarskull, Jul 7, 2014.

  1. HTBO

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    That was my biggest fear, that I would be questioned. How do you explain you know how you feel and who you are attracted to. I was very worried about that and relieved when she didn't say anything about it. She completely accepted what I told her and it was a good feeling. That must have been difficult for you. It's hard enough when we realize it and then to tell somebody else about it and be questioned.
    I have a friend who's gay and has an ex-husband but she always refers to me as straight because I have no experience. It drives me crazy! I'm not straight, no interest in men at all. I was married, but it was an attempt to be 'normal'
     
  2. DancingGirl

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    Stella99, I know she didn't do it intentionally. She was lonely in her relationship. Her gf worked alot then and was also going to school. I was very involved in her. I am a huge flirt and she discovered I was good at it. Thats where the trouble started. I think she just got lost in all of it then realized what she was doing. Most days I understand her choice and some I get real mad and feel she led me on. I am interested in seeing what she does once I come out to my husband and get divorced. She has already told me she is not sure what seeing me with another woman will do to her.
    I still get jealous of her and our coworkers. Especially this good friend of hers. It all seems so silly sometimes. All those kinds of feelings are so new for me. I was never jealous anybody else. That was one of the real eye openers for me. What are all these mind struggles in am having with my heart. Where are these feelings and thoughts coming from. It was big stuff for me. I have never been so emotional on my whole life.
     
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  3. sugarskull

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    I def wanna share with her how i feel, but i don't even know how i feel. lol. How do you tell someone, you like, that you are 96% sure you are gay...but aren't telling them because you want them to think its just them its because of. Or I don't want her to think i'm telling her cuz i want to be with her.
    tho i do. It will just never happen.
    ugh. Its seriously the only thing that has been consuming my brain for like a month now.

    You ever get to the point where you feel like its just never gonna happen?
     
  4. HTBO

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    sugarskull, tell her you have been keeping a secret and that you need to tell someone. Let her know the reason you are telling her is because you trust and respect her, and that you feel comfortable telling her this secret.
     
  5. Hartofgold

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    when I was a teenager I always wondered what that feeling was that other girls from my class talked about that boys gave them. I had boyfriends but none of them made me feel anything. then one day I hugged a girl and boom! gay alert. if she made you feel something that your boyfriend never did, theres no doubting your sexuality anymore. best of luck, I hope you wont struggle with it as much as I did
     
  6. stella99

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    I agree, if you can tell her how you feel it will release a lot of your tension.

    7 months down the line I am so fed up of not discussing how I feel. I am so fed up trying to analyse every look, every comment, every time she mentions some random topic I think there's a hidden meaning. Is she trying to warn me off? Then she mentions inviting me to her new house....i have it on good authority that she is gay but she drools over fit guys on tele etc. Is this to put me off or cover her real self? Sometimes i feel as if im double bluffing myself and my brain hurts.

    She doesn't work for my company so we have to be professional. Again, I think - is she being cool to be professional. Or because she doesnt like me. But then why did she instigate the night out???

    Aaarrrrrrrgh

    I wouldn't wish this on anyone...
     
  7. HTBO

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    Stellla, I used to do the same thing. I analyzed everything!! There were some very confusing moments, and I eventually decided to forget about them. The first semester she was the prof for one of my courses, and I was her TA. The days I had her for my class she was always very distant with me, except for moments she 'forgot' herself yet wasn't like that with my classmates, and then the days I was her TA she'd be completely different, and a lot of the time I wondered if she was flirting with me. Every week I tried to figure this out and and concluded she liked me on the day I TA and not the day we had class because it was easier to think that than other possibilities (which I preferred). There was also on the last day of class she was excited because a friend was coming, and when I saw her at the end of the week and asked how it went, she acted very strange. I've seen that look and reaction in people who were lying and trying to avoid talking about it and considering she had been so excited I couldn't understand why. Again, it's easy to let your mind go and over analyze and come up with an answer that benefits you. I have countless examples and I did it for 8 months. All the times she would compliment me in such a quiet way you almost don't hear it, those were the worst. Every email she sent, even how she signed off I would analyze. It drove me crazy!!! I just keep telling myself she's a prof and has a gf, it wouldn't work, it's not going to happen. Yet, there is something deep down that knows if she ever showed interest I'd be there in an instant.
    Telling her that I was gay made me feel a lot better and she really opened up to me after that in terms of her being gay. Made it worse in a way:slight_smile: Brought us closer together rather than further apart while we were in school. She always hides from the students, it's kind of funny the way she does it, and she always has a sweater with a hood and puts the hood up. I don't know what she thinks this will accomplish but she's adorable even when she does that. Anyways when she's on the elevator she puts the hood up and goes the corner (I don't know why she hides, but she does) and one day I was on the elevator with some of my classmates and she was there 'in disguise' but made a point of looking directly at me and saying hi. I was shocked she came out of hiding to acknowledge me in front of students (she had taught all of us in the class the previous semester). You see, it can go on. Telling made it better, but on the other hand it made it harder.
    Aaaarrrrrrrgh is right!!
     
  8. sugarskull

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    So... I just told her. Granted its in a note. And she has yet to read it. But I told her, and explained how how I feel for her has helped confirm things I have been thinking for sometime... and I'm shaking.

    Lol. i feel like such a dork. But I've typed it...I've now written it...next step, saying it out loud.
     
  9. HTBO

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    You're doing great! Keep us posted
     
  10. stella99

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    Well done sugarskull, you're saving yourself a lot of heartache by telling her. I hope it works out.

    HTBO, yes, I had forgotten about analysing every email......i know there's not even any point asking what people think about different scenarios, yes they could mean one thing or another. I know . I just want someone to tell me what they mean and there's only one person that can do that, and I cant ask her. I do try to think of her as a friend and nothing more, so why do I keep looking for signs, one way or another.....i guess I just want an answer, one way or another.......

    Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrgh
     
  11. jay777

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    Relax....
    take a deep breath....
    hope for the best outcome for all involved...

    (*hug*)
     
  12. sugarskull

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    she was totally cool about it. Said we could talk about it or not. Opened up to her a little more. Told her how its hard because theres such a big process to figuring out the rest with home life and such.

    But Stella you are right...it totally made me feel better to open it up, but I also feel like it just added that much more to bring us closer when we are trying so hard to be good and do the right thing and keep our feeling for each other at bay.
     
  13. HTBO

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    That sounds positive. Maybe it'll work out well in the end. You are on the journey now but no one knows what the end result will be.
    Sounds like you are being reasonable and responsible. I always wondered what would happen if I confessed everything to my crush. I've told her a lot, but the part about how I feel has never been introduced.
    At least she is willing to talk about it; this may be a way to find some closure.
     
  14. sugarskull

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    Trust me, Im trying very very very hard to stay responsible. LOL
     
  15. DancingGirl

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    Great job Sugarskull. Keep your eye on the prize which is telling your bf something is up with you. I got too wrapped up in my crush and not involved enough in my personal life. I was so worried about being gay that I didnt care that my marriage was falling apart. My crush was who I confided in because I was scared and alone. And since she was lonely and I was telling her all these wonderful things about her ahe fell in love with me too. We both already knew we liked each other a lot. That came out one night while we were hanging out. At the same time. It was a bit freaky and cool.
    When I tried to talk to my husband about it he seemed cool wanted to give me some space to clear my mind. Then one day I got a call from him to come home. When I got home he said he couldn't stand the thought of me being with someone else and wanted to kill himself. So I hid all my feelings and lost myself in her. Now I dont have her and I have a husband the is pretending everything is fine. Even though I have changed. All my close friends have noticed a change on me. I even think my father in law has it figured out.
    Its all so scary. I did finally comes to terms with being queer but I just cant face him. I just want to wake up one morning and he be gone. Poof. Like magic. I am a terrible person for this.
     
  16. HTBO

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    sugarskull, it is difficult being responsible. Fake it until you make it :slight_smile:

    DancingGirl, you are not a terrible person. It's natural to want our troubles to just go away. Are you receiving counseling or someone who can help you deal with your husband, or go to counseling together to help him accept that you don't want to be there?
     
  17. DancingGirl

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    I am working on the counseling thing. I need something affordable. I may have found a couple of options. I really do need some help. My good friend who knows all about this is concerned about my mental well being. She feels I am sad too often. And need to be free to live my life.
     
  18. sugarskull

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    I think I'm starting the process. I told my boyfriend how it just felt forced with us. It doesn't come natural. Slowly but surely I will find my happy place.
     
  19. bi2me

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    Did you stay together? Have you told your husband? How did that go?
     
  20. stella99

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    No I haven't told my husband and I dont know if I can. He has health issues and I would feel so sorry for him if we split. He would be devastated. So for the moment im carrying on in a marriage in name only. I dont think I have a choice. Im miserable all the time but its as if he doesn't even notice, or doesnt want to notice.

    One new conclusion I think I am coming to is that I dont know if I 'fancy' my trigger crush. I love her to bits, but on an emotional level. This may be an exceptional case of mind over matter, ive prepared myself so well for not being with her that I actually dont think I fancy her. Other than that I still miss her like crazy when we're apart. The emotional connection is so overwhelming, can it be enough? Does this mean I finally accept her as a friend only?