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The development of sexual orientation

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Bastion, May 7, 2021.

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  1. Bastion

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    @I’m gay

    No it’s not a simple academic exercise just for the sake it. It’s more complicated than that. It’s about a process. Everyone has different ways in coming terms with issues in their life. This is my way of dealing with things. It might be different than yours or others and that’s understandable.
    By the way I have no issue whatsoever with the term “born this way” If it is what anyone feels then it is Valid. I only brought it up in one post because of an article that I read about a gay researcher and author’s opinion saying that it was scientifically not very accurate. It’s not my opinion. And it doesn’t matter anyway. So let’s be more positive and shift our focus elsewhere like most of the advisors suggested.
     
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  2. Bastion

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    @out2019
    More power to you!!.
    I’m happy to see you active and posting again. Also I sense a more positive change in your thinking and attitude towards owning your sexuality than last time when we chatted in your thread. Great man. Am happy for you.
    By the way I feel that for both genders. In different ways. I think I have told you before so I guess that makes me the B In LGBT Although am in a relationship with the opposite sex. If it didn’t work out and we we broke up and I found a nice guy. I might give it a try. You never know. Right?​
     
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  3. Jared J

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    I want to thank everyone on here for being supportive and helpful.
     
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  4. Bastion

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    @Jared Joy

    If you have something you want to share or add to this discussion. It’s cool, go ahead man. Everyone is welcome to share their views and opinions.
     
  5. Jared J

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    It's funny I am 31 years old and I just thought of this for the first time while on empty closets.. my parents fought lots during my upbringing and I was an only child. They were never angry towards me, but them fighting put me as the 3rd wheel and quite an uncomfortable position.

    When my teenage years hit I was really craving attention and peace. I was willing to accept it from anybody. I believe that is where my bisexuality came from, an indiscriminate need for love and attention. Physically I'm more attracted to women. In terms of a partner, I'm attracted to both. Again, thats genetically more straight but gay with upbringing...

    Thats just me though. I mean there are some kids and you can see that they are probably going to grow up one way or the other. So maybe genetics plays a role.
     
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  6. out2019

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    I totally get what you're saying, i too am naturally curious and reading up on the 'whys' was part of the process for me.
    That said, EC is probably not the place to explore 'alternative' views , and there are other places to question and explore - as an analogy -think of this as AA site - you would come and discuss moderating alcohol - I know there is some controversy around fluidity and other concepts that are better received elsewhere - that's not knocking here, just saying I see this as a place that maintains a certain 'decorum' because it can be hard enough to come to terms with sexuality, especially in the early stages, if there are things to cast doubt....
     
  7. Shadowsettler

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    Okay,
    Okay.

    Personally, for myself, I knew from the 1st grade [6 years old]. I never knew what sex was and wasn't introduced to it for several more years. I simply knew that "boys are beautiful" and I wanted one for myself some day. I was not "damaged" by family, I wasn't "disturbed" my family wasn't broken or dysfunction [at least not at that time, yet]. It was an example of homosexuality in it's purest, most innocent form. I was the gay kid.

    I started finding the sexual attraction in my pre-teen years with my best friend. For me that is enough proof that sexuality is engrained in us. There were two other boys in my class that were gay/bi and they stuck together during play time. They were bullied and they hid together a lot. It was very sad. They wouldn't let me in because they were terrified of the bullies finding us.

    The ages between 6 and 11-12 I did not think about boys, however, which is completely normal. Children that age aren't supposed to think about that stuff very much. I remember the first day of school in my first grade because it was an eye-opening experience for me. I had never actually met another boy/girl before that and it awakened my "sexuality". It became very apparent. [Our teacher was a stud, I do believe this is what made it real for me haha!]
     
    #47 Shadowsettler, May 15, 2021
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  8. Shadowsettler

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    Recent studies say that it's a combination of biology [the brain, en utero development] and "environment" [haha, take a guess what that means. Take a really wild guess...] when it comes to who will end up being LGBT later in life...

    I fought viciously for decades to suppress it and it does not work.
    I was traumatized by others because I expressed my sexuality openly.
    20+ Years later, and about a year of EMDR therapy I'm finally at peace with my sexuality [once again].

    I feel as I did all those years ago. My pure self, being open [although hesitant and still vigilant] and free.
     
    #48 Shadowsettler, May 15, 2021
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  9. Bastion

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    @Shadowsettler

    Thanks a lot for sharing this. Am sure it hasn’t been easy for you all those years. I am glad that your are now at peace with your sexuality.
    By the way, I had a math teacher in high school who I thought was very handsome.
     
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  10. Bastion

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    @out2019

    I agree with what you are saying. That awareness and acceptance is a process. And am working towards that. But as I don’t actually have a guideline to follow. Am expressing and discussing what comes to mind about sexuality, behavior and attraction in general. You could say am thinking out loudly by writing to get feedback and try to think about it more to arrive at the root of my issues. Isn’t that what people do in AA.

    You of all people should know that it is not an easy process. Remember how I always was positive and encouraging on your threads.

    There is something we have to keep in mind. We don’t live in isolation from the world. And somethings we just can’t Cancel or Erase.
    Cancelling someone or culture or anything is in fact counterproductive and leads to more confusion and repression.

    Yes I agree sometimes maybe my choice of words are not perfect. But am not the only here who puts forward these concepts or is curious about them. Just look at the creators of the original threads. I comment on them, yes, to the best of my understanding. That’s it.

    You tell me, do we need more repression or less? Do you believe more in freedom of speech or censorship?

    All my posts I try to keep a sense of decorum. None of them are explicit or offensive. Yes sometimes some of them have some negative undertones but it’s just me trying to vent in a sense because am not comfortable talking about details.
     
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  11. Shadowsettler

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    I feel like getting a census of people's experiences is valid and is one way yo working towards an answer.

    it doesn't explain the scientific why or how, but to me it's definitive and shows to me that "sexuality is born into us, not learned or created" at least for the most part.

    At least from my experience. Sometimes people are actually "confused" or "damaged" but I think for the majority of us "we were born this way". At least for me. I only speak on my own behalf.

    I like hearing from others how they discovered their sexuality and how early they noticed it. I was rather young when I had my little epiphany and I just want to know that I'm not the only one...

    @out2019
     
    #51 Shadowsettler, May 16, 2021
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  12. Shadowsettler

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    and I believe the "environmental factors"" are who u keep company with and how accepting/biggoted they are.

    it makes absolutely no sense to say that environment can influence whether somebody is gay or straight bisexual... what environmental Factor could possibly determine that?

    It has to do with our brain makeup and development.

    I was not "exposed" to anything nor influenced. I just walked in on the first day of school and it hit me... how do you explain that? How is a 6 year old "influenced by environment" to be gay? think about it...
     
    #52 Shadowsettler, May 16, 2021
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  13. Bastion

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    @Shadowsettler
    I agree . Science aside. If you do truly believe that in your heart. Then it is Valid.
    And I believe that for the majority of people. Sexual orientation is fixed. No matter the science.
    How to live with it and accept it is another matter beyond the topic of this thread.
    But I think it is a good start and beginning of the journey at least in my opinion.
     
  14. Shadowsettler

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    I found my 1st grade teacher attractive. I found my 11 year old best friend attractive. I can't find any environmental factors that could possibly determine that.
     
  15. out2019

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    Hi Bastion, my apologies, I in no way meant that as jab at you! I just meant for that particular subject, I believe this site even has a policy especially if it goes into alternative theories -just saying there are other forums where it might be more appropriate to explore.

    I personally, am a little bit more open - like you about causes, finding out why, ect.
     
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  16. Shadowsettler

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    I think it goes beyond "believing it in my heart". There's a pattern. The evidence is 99.99% clear to me that this is how it is.

    I will be utterly shocked if it turns out that I'm wrong.
     
  17. Chip

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    'Environment', at least if we are talking about human behavior and sexuality, is a lot more complex than just who you keep company with and whether or not they are bigoted. We are now beginning to understand that 'environment' dramatically influences brain development, which, in turn, influences how the immune system functions, the development of many diseases, obesity, and many other things. In this context, 'environment' includes a lot of very subtle things, most of which are associated with attachment and bonding to caregiving parent in the early years of life, but also things like the Adverse Childhood Experiences index.

    To be clear, nobody credible is suggesting that environment makes someone gay, or even that environment consistently impacts whether someone suppresses their sexuality (though most certainly some environmental factors, such as bigoted parents/friends/circles, certainly does.) It's more subtle than that. Environment appears to influence the expression of genes and epigenetic factors in ways we do not fully understand yet. And so when scientists are speaking of 'environmental factors' when talking about the development of sexual orientation, it's that sort of thing that they are talking about.
     
    #57 Chip, May 16, 2021
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  18. Bastion

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    By “environment factors” I meant post natal development and how and where you were raised. If you were raised in an environment that is accepting and nurturing and not bigoted. This can also have an effect.
     
  19. out2019

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    It's difficult to gauge also if someone is denial or repression, and the 'fact' that very few people are 100% 'gay, and many men here who identify as gay for example, were married or had girlfriends.


    Same here- and this was before porn or even seeing any depiction of men expressing love or having sex together, I fantasized about a guy in high school.

    True, and i think that partially explains the phenmon of many men who finally stop denying their sexuality and in fact start feeling good about being gay, lose interest in women altogether.

    I have said before that I am maybe 80% gay, but since I have accepted myself I literally have no sexual interest in women where before, I was able to 'get of' or sometimes get aroused.
     
  20. Shadowsettler

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    I'd like to know what the environmental factors are that permanently molded my brain to be the way that it is... it just makes no sense to me.

    If they're claiming this I'd like to know what did it. It makes a lot more sense that en eutero brain development is what causes it.
     
    #60 Shadowsettler, May 16, 2021
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