I just saw the movie "The Birdcage" with Robin Williams and Nathan Lane. I thought it was an extreemely funny movie. I heard that they made a documentary on gay people before the movie so that they could use the information for it. I'm pretty sure that they would overexagerate the details, but is that really what can be expected from gay people? All i saw in the movie was stereotypes except for Williams. I do love some of the points that they brought up in the movie. One of my favorites happenes when williams is in the bar before it opens, and he starts talking to the bartender about his kid. The bartender says "yea, when i was a kid my dad wanted me to be a doctor. I sure missed that target. But my kid, heck, I just figured that as long as he didnt become a drugie or gay he'd be happy. No offence". WIlliams replies with "none taken, in fact, i thought the same thing when Val (his son) was born. Its not easy being gay, and all parents just want things to be easy for their kids" I guess i didnt really think of this much before. Its no wonder parents dont usually greet gay children with open arms.
Yeah wanting their kids to have an easy life is definatly part of it, but I think another part of it is also the fact that parents basically have our whole lives planned out. They think that one day, you will find a woman, whom you will marry, and with whom you will have children with. And when they find out that you are gay, it kind of, in a way "ruins" their plans. btw, welcome back! Where have you been?
Well, if you see the media... ...it is easy to believe that parents believe that being gay is terrible. It is not all that bad, now is it? And I prove that to my parents - and they support me, because they always want the best for us - because they love us. And if the best for us is to be gay, they would need a little bit to understand that it is best, but eventually... My dad said to me when I came out to him: "Well, I respect you tremendously, because you are going to have to find someone to love against the grain of society - and when that love happens - it is probably a much greater love than I ever experienced - because I never had to fight society to love your mother". In a way, that was sad, but he believed it - and he sees my life as exactly that.
I do agree with you blackcherry now, i guess it does seem like life will be easier than i thought it was going to be about 6 months ago. I dunno, I guess I've always been atracted to challenges, so i dont really mind needing to try harder to be successful, but it is just weird knowing that there are going to be people who will try to stand in the way for no other reason than because I am (or at least will be) open about being gay. I think my brother would freak if i told him that i was gay just because of how hard it would be to do the things he expects me to do. My brother was the national president of a high school organization, and I am planning on running for state president of the same organization this year. Only problem is everything starts at about the time that i want to start being completely open and out. When I first came out to my mom, we went to a consoler together and she had said that she had a hard time with it because she felt like i was going to have a hard time going through life because of it (and it didnt help that she felt you couldnt possibly know if you are gay at the age of 16). BTW, I didnt even realize i hadnt posted in a month. I've been reading the posts the whole time. I guess i just never needed to add on to the points being made.
My parents' immediate concern when I came out to them was this very issue--that my life would be so much harder than if I were straight. However, from my perspective comparing the difficulty between being straight and gay isn't really very useful. Rather, the difference between living life in and out of the closet is key, because it's the only true choice anybody gay has. I can never really know how much easier (if at all) life would be if I were straight, because I am and have really always been gay. I can't objectively compare the straight me with the gay me because the first doesn't exist. Speaking as somebody who came out at age 25, I had a lot of experience being miserable in the closet. That life was much harder if for no other reason than I had a very dismal image of the future of my personal life (i.e., an image of no serious personal life). I suppose I console myself by remembering that while life may be harder for me than some of my straight friends, difficulty in life is influenced by many, many factors besides one's sexuality. I'm fortunate to be largely financially and emotionally stable these days while living in a gay accepting town and (to a lesser extent) metro. Moreover, while I know this life I live may be harder, I still see it as *doable* which is all that matters in the end. Plus, it's a heck of a lot easier on my mind than being in the closet.
On the point of life being harder if you are gay, I read in my psychology textbook recently that: 10 percent of people are successfull (or consider themselves successful or something like that, I cant remember how it worded it), It even went on to other percentages, but the big part of it was that among the gay and lesbian population, those percentages doubled! I guess it may be harder, but people sure learn to deal with it.
That's a very interesting statistic actually. I wonder if it has to do with feeling successful more easily because we usually have more obstacles to overcome.
I'm sure that coming to terms with who we are, accepting it, and coming out to others, makes us stronger and more confident. So we are better equipped to cope with other challenges in life and come out on top. I think we also develop a bit of an attitude of not being so bothered about what other people think of us, which helps too.
i loved loved loved this movie. even though for a while i was confused if nathan was straight or gay in real life. but everybody worked together really well. and it was just great.
