The Band-Aid

I dread pulling of Band-Aids and other bandages. They hurt. My strategy is usually to do it as quickly as possible. If it is going to hurt at least it will be quick.

I began coming out on January 27, 2010. I needed to fly under the radar and proceed slowly so that members of my parish didn't find out until my wife finished school. At least at that point I'd be in a better place to find a new job if needed. I needed this to be slow, not quick, even if I became impatient.

My coming out is a quick pull on the Band-Aid after all.

It turns out I was outed to the parish back in February because a (former) employee was looking at my laptop behind my back. All that was there was support messages from a few close friends and ec hits in my browser history.

On August 1 I asked my former organist to make good on his intentions to retire. He did not react well. His supporters threw out an innuendo or two about my hiring the new organist to be my staff boyfriend. At the time I wasn't sure where that was coming from.

By October this had festered into a white-hot frenzy with a few people who were actually trying to spy on my household. Accusations were being made to parish board members. On October 9 I took matters into my own hand. I printed, signed and mailed 193 coming out letters to the 193 households in my parish. My wife wrote and signed her own section of the letter. I called a special meeting of the board that night and handed them their letters. They were universally supportive. We also told my 9-year-old daughter that night. She was unfazed but hugged me for a log time.

At this point the badly-behaving parishioners are gone but there were only a handful of them. In response to the letter only three people left the church. Two of them are an 84-year-old retired priest and his wife. He determined it would damage him professionally to be officially linked in any way to a parish with a gay rector. As if he's ever going to be in another job search again. Oh well, as we say in the south were I grew up, "bless his heart." (This is the magic phrase that instantly transforms gossip into Christian concern. Try it: "That skirt makes her backside look as wide as a Mack truck. Bless her heart.)

The rest of the parish has been amazingly supportive - even my conservative members. It will be harder for them when my wife and I separate but that isn't on the radar until she finishes school.

This evening I just printed and signed 45 letters to my friends and family. Tammy will sign them in the morning and they'll go out in the afternoon mail. On Thursday, I'll send and email version to people for whom I don't have current mailing addresses. This will include my Father in Saudi Arabia.

After that it is all done. I am out. I'd change my facebook profile at that point but my bishop would probably frown on it. I can't believe how quickly this has come. i can't believe how good it feels so far (except the priest and his wife leaving - they were, I thought, good friends). Any family or friend rejections will be painful. I will take them as they come.

EC has been an essential part of me getting to this point. I am blessed to have found this site and have been able to indirectly suggest it to a few others. Jim1454 and Kneedragger and s5m1 have been particularly helpful.

All in all, 2010 has been an eventful year.

Deep peace to all of you.
(&&&)