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Terrified to come out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Rayland, May 6, 2022.

  1. Rayland

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    I know a few things about that. I kinda been keeping a eye on the housing market too. I did took a course on finances and accounting and I did learn some useful tips.
     
    #21 Rayland, May 9, 2022
    Last edited: May 9, 2022
  2. GraceMiamor

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    Hun you got this I'm here for you!! Love yourself and have as much courage as you need hun. We all love you for you
     
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  3. Rayland

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    Thank you very much. It's hard to love myself, but this is something I need to work on.
     
  4. GraceMiamor

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    Well I'm here if you need to talk Hun loves you so much!!
     
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  5. TinyWerewolf

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    That's good, keep doing that. You've got a good list so far in my opinion, so stick to it!
     
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  6. Mirko

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    I think the plan sounds like a great plan to get started. Speaking with the counsellor first is good as this could help you to start building a strong support network. Finding out what supports are available and how you could make best use of them, would be a great addition to the plan. If you would like, you could review some of the resources with your counsellor as well.

    It would also be good to include individuals you trust and to whom you could come out to (if you haven't yet) as part of your plan. The more people you have around you that support you and are there for you, coming out to your family could potentially be less daunting and could help you in building confidence in coming out to them.

    It sounds like that your dad (or perhaps family) might need some time to adjust, so it would be important for you to have the support you need while allowing your family the time to come around and be supportive.
     
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  7. Rayland

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    This is true. I could contact that councellor. They are transgender as well and problably know more than me.

    I agree, but the only problem is that I have no one like this in my family and people who I could talk to include just my psyhiatrist and the counsellor and people online. And potential people in my family would problably be on my family's side. And I don't trust my friend either, even though I'm out to her, but she is not very supportive and have problems of her own.

    That's would take a lot of time to adjust for them for sure, because suddenly their dear daughter turns out to be a son instead. I'm so worried how they react to this.
     
  8. Mirko

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    It's okay to take it slow. Coming out is not about reaching a finish line. It's about you being yourself around others while also feeling and being safe. Whenever you are unsure about something, it's okay to pause.

    It sounds like you have a counsellor who would be great to have as part of your support network. And of course there is EC. Build on that. Try to see if you could join support groups either in person and/or online. It's unfortunate that your friend isn't as supportive but don't let that stop you from getting to know others who could be supportive and there for you when you need them.
     
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  9. Rayland

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    I know it's not a race. I just want to be happy. The euphoria I felt, when discovered myself, were so incredible, that it made me realize, that I never have experienced true happiness before. I want to experience it again.

    Thank you Mirko. I will speak to my councellor and maybe they have more advice to give me and reccomend support groups too.
     
  10. Rayland

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    So update.

    I told my psyhiatrist. It was scary, but I handed him my note. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. He took one look at the note and said: "oh, you have such issue and told me that he needs to consult a psyhologist first. I'm thinking that maybe he really haven't dealt with transgender people before. I have next appoitment in July. Meanwhile he wrote me another medication for if I have anxiety attack and that should give me instant relief. I contacted the councellor too, but it takes time for them to answer.
     
  11. TinyWerewolf

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    So he told you you had a disorder because you're trans? Rain, that sucks. If I understood that correctly it's also transphobic. I hope you get to see that psychologist soon too, they'll usually be more helpful in terms of working through your issues.
     
  12. Rayland

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    I don't know if he meant with having an issue being a disorder. Maybe he just haven't dealt with this before? I guess I see what will he say at my next appoitment. I really hope that's not the case.
     
  13. TinyWerewolf

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    I hope that's not the case either. I hope he just worded that response wrong.
     
  14. BradThePug

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    It is good that you were able to tell your psychologist. Hopefully he will be able to get you to see somebody that is more familiar with transgender people. I hate that being transgender can still be seen by some as a disorder. In order to be able to transition, I was diagnosed with a few different things. Attachment disorder in relation to gender, gender identity disorder, gender dysphoria.. Ect. It is really frustrating when mental health professionals are focused on making how you feel into some sort of disorder. It does sound like you have a solid plan when it comes to coming out to your family. You need to make sure that you can take care of yourself in case they are not accepting. I know that it can be frustrating to have to wait longer to fully be yourself, but it is worth it to have that stability in case they react badly.
     
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  15. Rayland

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    Thank you @BradThePug

    People in our lgbtqia+ community have said that being transgender goes into our health records as a disorder. People here are not very accepting and professionals don't know much about it. This is why I was so hesitant on telling him about myself, because I didn't know how his attitude would be. It almost felt like my appointment was rushed, but maybe it just seemed like this to me.

    Only thing I need to do right now is become financially independent, what's easier said, than be done, but otherwise I'm fully capable of taking care of myself. I would be really sad, if they don't accept me. I don't know if I can handle that sadness then.
     
  16. Mirko

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    Given the the location where you live and the general conservative nature of the society, I'm not too surprised in terms of the reaction, response you have received. I can only imagine how you must be feeling presently.

    Let's see what the feedback is from your councellor. Remember that there could also be psychologists or therapists who have supported transgender persons; if you feel that you are not being suported or it leaves you with more questions than answers, try to find someone else. It might take a while but it might be worth the effort.
     
  17. Rayland

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    Yes, it's nothing surprising. Sometimes I feel like it's just easier and safer to stay in the closet, but at the same time I want to just be out already. Misgendering is hurting me too. It's frustrating.

    I will update, when the counsellor answers. Might need to send another email and ask, if the counsellor has advice already. I live in the small city, but there are people who have dealt with the transgender people in the capital. If it comes to this, then I just find myself a professional there, even though going there for an appointment would take me lots of planning ahead.
     
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  18. Mirko

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    Reading over your last response, I started to wonder whether there are counsellors in your region or the capital that provide online services or online counselling as well?
     
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  19. Rayland

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    I went and googled it and yes there are quite few places who also offer online counseling. I just need to find out, if there is anyone there who have worked with transgender people before. I do have a list of lgbtqia+ friendly therapists and need to go through it and see if there is anyone in that list who offers that service and what the prices are. That would make it logistically much easier too.

    This is a very good idea. Thank you @Mirko. This completely slipped my mind, that there could be such a possibility.
     
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  20. Mirko

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    No problem. Let us know how it goes. :slight_smile:
     
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