I suspect this will be a typical should I or shouldn't I thread. Thinking it all through and organizing my thoughts will probably be good enough to find a bit of clarity, but here I go in any case, for the benefit of all who might relate I'll post this even if I feel better just for having written it all out. So I'm in university (I think Americans would call it college?) I am still financially dependent on my dad, but I don't really expect him to cut me off or anything extreme like that. He is extremely conservative, but pragmatic. Me and dad have always been close and perhaps he already knows I'm gay. We've never actually talked about it though. There was always something bigger or more urgent going on and I want his full attention for this conversation. More importantly I want to seem like less of a screw up (I've been getting terrible marks lately) so that he can't make it off as a rebellious phase or something. I also don't want him to associate me being gay with a bad time in my life as sooner or later it will be at the center of the best part of my life. I have no reason to rush it other than wanting not to have to be careful with my word choices around my dad. So I dislike my dad not knowing that I'm gay and I think he must at least suspect that I'm gay, but I see no opportunity for having the conversation any time soon. Do I hold out and have the talk on my terms? Or is this a case of the sooner the better? Waiting would probably mean waiting about five months if I can drag my academic life back on track and show some good results at the end of this term.
I know this isn't a particularly helpful answer but it is entirely up to you. I think you have to weigh up the pros and cons of doing it now and waiting. I can totally see why you would want to wait so it isn't associated with your bad grades. My question would be how much do you think him not knowing distracts you and bothers you. By this I mean if thoughts about coming out to your Dad occupy your mind constantly and distract you from other things like studying then I would encourage you to do it sooner rather than later. If on the other hand it's something that is bugging you but not that much then perhaps waiting would be better. If you decided to wait maybe you could try bringing up some LGBT topics of conversation and see what happens.
OP here with an update: I have since talked to him. (Not long after this post to be honest) It actually went as expected. He wasn't exactly thrilled about it, in fact he was pretty uncomfortable, but tried to handle it the best way he knew how trying to be supportive and such. He even quoted some scientific study to say he knows its who I am and that he knows its not a phase or a choice. He always suspected, but didn't want to say anything. Even though we still don't really talk about my relationships or anything like that I am glad I told him. Point being it wasn't the life affirming moment that you often see in movies or TV shows. He didn't do the whole hug and you know I love you thing, but he wasn't the kid your kid to the curb dad either. Sometimes that's the best you're going to get coming out in a conservative family. It certainly better than what a lot of my friends went through.
kibeth.....Even though it wasn't the happy, joyous experience that is sometimes shown in movies, I'm happy for you that you've been able to come out to your dad and he has accepted you! You can build on what you have established with this first conversation. I think that, as he becomes more accustomed to the situation, your relationship with him will improve. Congratulations...that was a big step! .....David
