hey guys. some if you guys may have seen my posts, i have ocd fixated on my sexual orientation. i’m an 18 yo male and honestly i’ve been struggling recently. i was getting better but these past few days have been really depressing. i see beautiful women and at first i get really happy thoughts, sometimes arousal and then i get an intrusive thought saying “what if you don’t like that, or you figure out one day you are gay” and i just feel so depressed. everytime i think about having a beautiful girlfriend to come home to, sleep with etc. that fills me with joy but then the intrusive thoughts come back and ruin everything. i can’t imagine having those happy thoughts with guys or having a boyfriend. the idea of that is quite literally devastating to me. i don’t want to be gay. not to say there’s anything wrong with that. being gay to me is like losing access to women which is what i like. id live a fairly happy and judgment free life if i was gay. my friends and family are all fairly progressive. idek what this post is for its just depressing.