Hi, I'm confused and didn't know where to turn for help. I thought about talking to one of my friends, but I'm afraid that this will cause questions to be asked that I don't know how to answer and make them look at me differently. This seems like a safe place to take such questions. I have always identified as straight (I've never even kissed a girl). I'm a divorced woman and have had the typical boyfriends. I've noticed the attractiveness of other women in the past, but not in a romantic way like I would a guy, but a year ago I met this lesbian girl that I do have such thoughts about. At the time I had been in a relationship with a guy for about six months. I noticed that I felt oddly about the girl which had me very much confused for a good while and even my boyfriend commented on how much I hung out with her and talked about her. After some months, I decided that it wasn't her and it had to be me looking for ways to sabotage a perfectly fine and good relationship. At this time, I started backing off the constant texting and hanging out with her to focus on the relationship I was currently in (a pretty erotic dream freaking me out was a part of this decision). When the relationship started to fail for other reasons, I began talking to her again (not as much as before, mind you as I was still confused about what was going on with me). I've found out that it wasn't about the relationship I was in. About 4 months ago, the relationship ended and I started texting more with her again. I've noticed recently that I've started having the erotic dreams about her and catch myself daydreaming about what it would be like to actually kiss and be with her. I've caught her on multiple occasions admiring portions of my body and enjoyed it. I've also noticed that I get a wee bit jealous and hurt when she talks about whatever girl she's been sleeping with or how often she gets laid. I know I am attracted to her (after a year I finally admitted it to myself), but what does that make me? Am I "bi" or just "curious"? I've never wanted another woman before this and still have had no actual physical intimacy with one, so I don't know. I still notice the way men look, so I don't think I have completely switched teams. How do I find out which I am? Also, how do I find out where she stands? She always runs up to me and hugs me on sight and will make offhanded comments about how many more benefits there are to being a lesbian than being straight. We lend each other things and she automatically jumps to my aid, and invites me to visit her when she's at work and to whatever outings she goes to with her guy friends. When we first started hanging out she said that she only dates "serious" lesbians because of past issues, which I obviously don't qualify as. She also said that she only dates "girly girls" and I'm more of an athletic type who rarely wears dresses. I have no experience with pursuing a woman. I want to believe that she's attracted to me too, but for all I know I'm seeing what I want to see and not what's there. I banter back playfully with her when she makes comments about me being on the wrong team, but I'm not used to gauging females. She may really just think of me as only a friend and likes messing with me (when I'm confused she says I'm adorable) and I don't want to look like an idiot. I'm so lost and any genuine help would be much appreciated... :help:
If I was her and a straight/bicurious girl asked me if I had feelings for her I would probably be completely taken off guard and even if I did I might lie in that moment because id be so afraid of loosing her as lots of straight girls would run the other way at the thought of a lesbian fancying them .So if your going to ask her how she feels about you , you need to make it clear that your not going to run scared if she tells you truth. Sounds to me like she's been hurt by someone in the past who ended up to be straight, so even if she does fancy you it probably scares her and she might not want to be with you because she's afraid of being hurt. Think about from a prospective you can understand , how would you feel if a gay man who you were close to said he had feelings for you that he didn't understand ? Ud probably be afraid of falling for him in a way that he wouldn't be able to fall for you ? and afraid that ud loose him as a friend if you didn't date him or if u did and it didn't work out ? This is probably how she would feel if you told her you had feelings for her. You say she likes messing with you it could just be innocent flirting that she does because she thinks she can never be with you and if she knew how you felt she would probably stop, because u say u have never felt this way about a girl before you sound curious to me rather than bisexual , the jelousy you feel when she talks about who she's slept with , could be cause you want a relationship rather than wanting to be with her ? or mayby you are slightly bisexual but this girl to me sounds like she doesn't want to get into a relationship with someones whose not completely gay , so if I where you I would try and move on and find someone who would want to be with me (but then again you never know until you ask just me careful with how you phrase it) and know your risking loosing her.
If you are not familiar with the Kinsey scale, do yourself a huge favour and google it immediately. (Or Bing perhaps, I'm only slightly biased as Goodle is my SE of choice.) Sexuality, is complicated. Like, REALLY COMPLICATED. Like, that little 0-6 image you are hopefully looking at by now, is uber simplifying it. You've got romantic attraction going, and sexual attraction could be doing something else, and maybe you're attracted to masculine women, and feminine men, but you don't dig too much androgyny unless its a guy with long hair and eyeliner... Okay, I think I'm getting off track. The point is, sexuality is complicated. Don't worry about it. You like your friend, chances are she likes you too. Don't work too hard on figuring out what your label is. They are social constructs we just made up anyway. You could keep worrying about what this means about your "identity," or you could tell your friend that this is new to you but she is the first woman you've ever found attractive. Then you are just on your way to engaging in some mad crazy hot lesbian bear hugs. I don't know about you, but I'm all about mad crazy hot lesbian bear hugs. Also, there is a lot of research out there saying that female sexuality tends to be more fluid and capable of change then male sexuality. However, female sexuality hasn't been studied much because throughout history science has been traditionally done but the sex which is more likely to have penises. Sexual fluidity does not mean that this is a choice. Female sexuality has just been shown to be more emotionally driven and less visually driven than the male sex drive. I can't imagine your friend being anything other than flattered. :3
