1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

straight guy considering indulging gay blowjob fantasies

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by foxxxymethoxy, Aug 19, 2013.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. foxxxymethoxy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2013
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Let me start off by saying it is a big step for me to post this, and I had to work up the courage.

    Here goes…In short, I am a young 'straight' guy with a cock fetish, that fantasizes about gay oral sex (being sucked and sucking), and for the first time is considering indulging my fantasies. Outside my imagination, I have never had any 'gay' experiences whatsoever, but am finding myself closer and closer to realistically considering the option of indulging this persistent fantasy.

    I've researched the topic a lot on the internet, and I know my condition is not an uncommon one (to my relief), but I hope to stimulate deeper responses than the usual debate about sexual orientation / labeling, as I am searching for some guidance around the issue.

    The deep fasciation / appreciation of the penis I feel has been with me ever since I can remember, and 95 % of all the porn Ive watched in my life (which is a lot) is footage of oral sex, both straight and gay (but always cock sucking). I would go through different phases with my fantasies and browsing, from 'straight' to 'gay' and everything in between (trans, etc.). However, as much as Ive tried to resist it, the gay fantasies have grown to dominate… to the point that most of the porn I look at is gay. Its not an exaggeration to say that I have a cock obsession. And not just cocks…big cocks. Huge… meaty ,thick, glistening, bulging and throbbing. The bigger the better.

    I have been happily with my loving girlfriend for years, and she is supportive and open-minded. SInce admitting to her my love of the cock and feeling her acceptance and encouragement, I am growing bolder…writing this post, browsing m4m encounters online, etc. However, the fantasies have always been disconnected / disembodied, and far away from / in conflict with what I actually want and find fulfilling in life. Although I've come to accept this about myself, I also acknowledge that it isn't from my true heart center, and is akin to a bad habit (wasting hours watching porn, etc.).
    Up until recently, these thoughts only came to me when masturbating / working up my sexual energy, and then promptly drain from me when I climax. However, as I am maturing and growing more comfortable, It is becoming closer to reality.

    The thought of actually sucking a cock, or having my cock sucked by a guy, is still very hard for me to actually grasp. So, I am at a point of trying to consider it from a balanced perspective, not just while horny, to see if its a life-decision i want to make or not. This is where Im asking for advice. I realize many ppl seeing this post are gay / liberal and currently aroused, and will encrouage me to slurp on cocks and love it and accept myself, which I appreciate. However, I am trying to consider the angles, as this is a very big deal for me. Many questions arise.

    Is it something I will regret forever, that will make me feel dirty and shameful, that will create distance between my and future female lovers ? Is it something I will feel I always have to hide and keep secret ( I am all about being open so that would be tough) ? Is it something that will feed the fire of my obsession? Will it make me want more and more, to the point that only penises have the key to my arousal ? will i become gay ? Will it Will it create a disjunction in my spiritual practice?
    Will it be immensely pleasurable and satisfying, or will it be anti-climatic and dirty feeling? Or….will I love it, and not regret it , and later encourage people in my position to do the same?….I know , that if the circumstances aligned, I could give the most amazing oral love ever given…not to sound cocky (pun intended), especially since Ive never tried it, but Ive imagined it enough to state that confidently :wink:

    Anyways, I way trying to be concise but this testimonial got kinda long lol…I appreciate you taking the time to read it.
    Thoughts / responses / advice ? Thanks :wink:
    Much love ! <3
     
    Mvila likes this.
  2. Randy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2012
    Messages:
    3,784
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Texas
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    [​IMG]
     
    Johnny smd likes this.
  3. Hefiel

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2013
    Messages:
    1,061
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Montréal
    Now that part made me laugh a little. May I assume that you are conservative? Not that it really matters anyway, I just thought it was a little funny.

    Is it something that you will regret? Hard to say. I think some people facing similar issues as you might suck a guy and shortly after becomes fearful that they might be gay, starts severely questioning themselves, enter denial, etc. Some other people might find themselves enjoying it, and maybe that will change their perception of sexuality and they might find themselves attracted to the same gender. Which isn't to say that they are necessarily "gay", but that sexuality has a certain degree of fluidity to it and embracing that part of their sexuality inevitably leads to a wider variety of possibilities.

    It's really all about how much you accept that part of you.


    As I've said in a different thread
    (Look at me quoting myself :lol:slight_smile:.
    As you become more comfortable, you may find yourself moving back and forth on that spectrum. There isn't anything wrong or unusual with that.

    I'm a bit curious though, besides dicks, do you have any attraction to the male body? What about your attraction to the female body? Since becoming more comfortable with the idea of sucking cocks, would you say that your attraction to females has diminished, increased or remained the same? Do you get more aroused thinking about women (or girlfriend), or thinking about dicks? You said you watched mostly gay porn videos featuring oral sex, can you also get the job with gay porn videos featuring anal sex?
     
  4. Pat

    Pat
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2012
    Messages:
    580
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Woodstock, GA
    Well it's awesome you were able to find the courage to post this.. I may be of the minority, but I do believe in self control. If you have no desire to be with a guy in an emotional way, I almost always say that you should just have some self control over yourself and perhaps.. get yourself a toy to experiment with. The penis that you're fond of is attached to another human with feelings.. Granted, they are often okay with living in that moment, I already know that you're not going to find it life changing after you orgasm. In your moment of clarity, you're going to feel like shit. I honestly believe that. For one, you already realize the shameful aspect of mere thoughts. If they were to turn into action, that can be demoralizing for you. For two, you're in a committed relationship, your girlfriend may say that she's okay with this, but at some point it may be something that drives you a part as you grow older. If you've never thought you could actually BE with a guy, I think you should really take control over the situation and minimize your porn watching as a whole, or continue it and do the toy thing as suggested earlier. If you're happy with your girl, why can't that be enough? I would consider just marinating on the thought of you actually...dating a guy.. and how you feel about your girlfriend and weighing what's really important in your life right now. The other side of me says to do it, but I'm fearful of the outcome for you personally and the relationship you're currently in. If you're just so curious that you have to do it, then I can understand if you do go for it, but if it does..or doesn't meet your expectations, where are you going to go from there? :/ Hopefully I helped at least get your mind working on the topic. Wish you the best bro.
     
  5. Choirboy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2013
    Messages:
    1,672
    Likes Received:
    427
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I don't know that I would worry about it feeding the fires of your obsession--let's be honest, it sounds like you are doing that pretty well on your own. Perhaps the only answer is to do a lot of thinking about what you feel and then maybe...try it and see how it makes you feel? And then be open-minded enough to accept whatever other thoughts come out of it? I can tell you that I had one opportunity shoved in my face, so to speak (sorry, I couldn't resist that) in college, and it didn't "change" me. If anything, it confirmed how I felt. I then proceeded to make a bunch of excuses, give in to a lot of fears and misapprehensions, get married, have kids, and in general try to bury the feelings that led up to it. Without actually FORGETTING the experience, I can guarantee you. And that's what has brought ME here.

    If your sex life and your emotions and fantasies mainly center around women, then I can't imagine one experience with a guy would change that. But if you're feeling that obsessed, there may be something more to it, and maybe you're channeling a bunch of feelings that you don't understand to one particular part of the anatomy. And that's not a "gay/liberal" talking, but rather someone who buried a lot of feelings and now regrets it. Do some serious thinking about what you feel. Act on it, or not, but you are better off working through your feelings now than when you are 50 or something--ask me how I know.
     
  6. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Welcome to EC!


    There have been things I've thought about doing for months or years, and a lot of them I've simply gone out and tried. Not just sexually - I'm talking about things like kayaking. And then after trying it, either I think "yeah, that was great - I want to do that some more"...or I think "yeah, that wasn't as fun as I thought", and didn't pursue it further. But then I at least knew. I could either continue doing it, or put my thoughts to rest about whether I'd enjoy it.

    You've apparently had this fantasy for quite some time, and it doesn't appear to be going away. You have an open-minded girlfriend. So why not indulge it? [And no, I'm not saying this because your post turned me on - I'd be giving the same advice to a straight woman who wanted to go down on another woman. :slight_smile:] You can simply make a post online for what you're looking for. You can set whatever parameters you'd like on it. You can insist this is a one-time only thing. You can insist on doing nothing else but oral - no kissing, no manual, no anal, nothing. And if you want to insist on a guy with 10" in his shorts, you can. (You'll greatly reduce the number of responses, but still.) There are some simple steps you can take to increase your odds on getting good responses. I'd rather not tell them in the open forum when we have a lot of people her under the age of consent, but if you'd like, you can send me a private message and I'll explain in further detail.

    Lex
     
  7. jeff_1010

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2013
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I have the same fantasy and I have had a couple straight friends let me give them bjs as long as I told no one and I liked it and have found out that I love cocks and sucking them.
     
  8. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Great advice and thoughts already.

    I want to address the issue of whether it will make you feel dirty or shameful, because that one's sort of a can of worms.

    First, there are lots and lots of straight guys who have sucked a dick (or been sucked by a guy) once or twice, here or there, and most of the straight guys I know wouldn't say much about that. Humans are by nature inquisitive and experimental. So I don't think there's any need to keep this a deep dark secret if you decide to try it. (I wouldn't be bringing it up on a first date with a girl, but I would feel comfortable sharing it once I'd gotten to know her.)

    But the more important thing to think about is this: It is possible that you have an attraction toward men, and that the fantasies and thoughts you've had about sucking a dick or being sucked (or the love of penises in general) is, for whatever reason, the tip of the iceberg. So it's possible that you might do it and find that you're more deeply attracted to penises (and the men attached to them) than you allowed yourself to realize; there are some gay men who literally go through life blissfully ignorant of who they're really attracted to until some situation comes along and makes it clear.

    Here's the rub: If you're in the latter group, not ever indulging your fantasy won't stop the feelings from coming up, so it's not like you can never suck a dick and keep the genie in the bottle; by giving voice to it and thinking about it, you're already exploring what's going on for you.

    So, as scary as it is, I'd suggest trying it out. Lex has given you some great low-risk ways to indulge your fantasy and see where it leads. If the goal is to test it out and see what happens, I'd suggest giving the "test" a fair shake; find someone near your own age that you feel some connection/attraction to (I don't mean in a sexual way; just someone you'd feel comfortable talking to or playing basketball with or whatever.)

    In other words, if you want to do this in part understand if you're going to enjoy sucking dicks, don't contaminate the "test" by choosing some guy that's 68 years old and creeps you out. :slight_smile:

    And finally, as hard as it might be, try not to stress too much about this. After all, you're already open in talking about what's going on and that's a huge step. Whatever you find out, whether you're as straight as they come and this was just a momentary fascination, or whether it opens the door to a deeper awareness of an attraction for guys... you are who you are, and exploring the feelings isn't going to change the underlying core of who you are. On the contrary, it will better help you understand yourself and help you figure out where to go from here.
     
  9. Daydreamer1

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2011
    Messages:
    5,680
    Likes Received:
    21
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    No. Just running with the title of the thread with this, but no you won't "turn gay". First, you don't turn gay. Either you are or you aren't. It's not some sort of cold that you can just catch. For a project I did for my psychology class on fantasies and dreams, and fantasies for men involving other men was at in the top ten. So it's not as uncommon as one would think.

    Again, fantasies and indulging in them won't "turn you gay".
     
  10. foxxxymethoxy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2013
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    thx for the comments everybody. Im still on the fence.
     
  11. Smorger

    Smorger Guest

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2014
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    When can we become friends?!
     
  12. jaje69

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2014
    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Alberta, Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Will you feel guilty? Why not try it on a dildo and imagine you are going down on a guy and see how you feel afterwards. Better yet, your suck your girlfriend in a strap-on. I know it's not the same as the real thing, but it could give you a better idea how you feel post orgasm.

    Then you can take if from there if you want.

    This is, of course, just an idea. Not sure how good of one it is. But still something to consider if you want.

    Note: I, too, have those kind of fantasies. I sometimes have mixed feelings when I suck on a dildo afterwards. Hence the reason for my suggestion.
     
  13. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    FOlks this thread is from August. The poster has likely solved his problem. I'm closing the thread.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.