I'm a trans man and in my language when you're talking about yourself you have to include pronouns. My best friend knows I'm trans and she told me she's happy to use male pronouns but waiting for me to approve. Asked me few times if she can start and I just felt kind of ashamed/uncomfortable. We do use them from time to time but nothing of importance. I believe that in my head if I ask for it it's because she wants to be nice and not because she sees me in that way, even tho she told me it's otherwise but I can't seem to drop it. I didn't have a problem with my ex partner, she iniciated the pronouns and I got used to only male ones with her, but my friend also lives abroad and I believe it's easier to express yourself in real life. Any advice? I would also be happy to hear your own experience. Thank you
I don't think it's necessarily easier to express yourself offline due to social expectations and societal roles, but you do get confirmation about hearing your chosen name and pronouns faster. If you can get out of your head and start social transitioning with your friend, even if it is only online at the moment, would be a good place to start, and it may give you the courage to socially transition with other people offline as well, even if they're just strangers you pass by. Even if she wants to be nice and use your chosen name and pronouns, it's what you want, correct? And if she's happy to use different pronouns with you, you know she's going to be supportive. I think this would be a good time to get used to being referred to using your chosen pronouns, and it may get the ball rolling to socially transition more.
I have had a number of people in my life deliberately misgender and dead name me. So in the past when I was still in transition if anyone used my legal name and correct pronouns I never questioned why, I just accepted it and felt good about being acknowledged. If your friend is willing to address you the way that you have asked why ask why, just be happy that she is such a good friend.
Yea I am very comfortable with strangers and every day people but when it comes to close people, someone who means a lot to me, it's hard for me. Thanks for taking your time
That's pretty typical. The people who've known you for years, or are good friends can take some time adjusting, for both yourself and them. Though, it does sound like your friend is going to be very supportive of using your chosen pronouns, however I agree that it doesn't make it any easier to tell.
