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So another awkward question?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Love4Ever, Oct 4, 2018.

  1. Love4Ever

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    Right! I know there are plenty of women who are gay who LOVE being penetrated. And straight women who don't like it at all. But I am bi, and just, weird, I guess.
     
    #21 Love4Ever, Oct 4, 2018
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  2. Love4Ever

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    Honestly, even though, I am bi, I seriously think that sadly, most men are not going to be happy with what I can provide. I would probably make a woman much happier. That and the fact that most men don't seem to understand me, nor I them. I just don't think sexual attraction is enough. I think I may have to just give up on men. Maybe some things are better in fantasy than reality.
     
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  3. Silveroot

    Silveroot Guest

    This is something that I used to think about a lot when I joined this site, penetrative sex in general seems painful or at least uncomfortable to me. And my first partner, a man, a straight male, was unsurprisingly quite into it. It made him ecstatically happy, but did nothing for me for the most part. At some point, it got more tolerable, but not enough to make me desire it, since I felt no lust for him in general.

    Generally speaking, most young males know about sex just through porn, which isn't a realistic representation of what turns a woman on, it focuses on the pleasure of the male actor (and viewer). That said, most men get off quickly with vigorous friction but for most women, the friction generated from penetration is not enough and without adequate foreplay and lubrication it can be painful, even to the point of injury. The fact that many young women don't speak up about what they like or don't like, or even fake orgasms is another topic, but it is also worth considering because two human beings should be able to discuss such things maturely.

    So is this something of a role you don't like, is it the sensation or is it more of a general orientation issue? It could be more than just one of these.

    Perhaps you stumbled upon men who are ignorant about woman's sexual response cycle, or simply too selfish to care. Since you do get otherwise aroused by men, I'd say you're at least bisexual.

    Penetrative sex can get better, but it takes time to relax enough for it to happen without pain. Also try find a man that makes the sensual, fluid moves of a belly-dancer. Most women don't enjoy Easter bunny types if you get my drift.
     
    #23 Silveroot, Oct 4, 2018
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  4. Mihael

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    How on earth could it be different? :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
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  5. Biguy45

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    Actually I don’t always need it returned
     
  6. Mihael

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    I mean... not in the speific moment, but in general, both sides of the relationship should get the fun stuff.
     
  7. Love4Ever

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    It's just the concept of something in me. I don't like that. I have tried to practice on myself and I ended up just going back to the pillow, because it feels weird and I don't like it. I am willing to have fingers though even though I don't really feel much of anything from that either, but anything else? No. I am obsessed with oral though. A lot of my desires are driven towards going down on someone or having them go down on me. We could just do that and I'd be perfectly content. Though I would love to experiment and do other things as well. I basically just want to be touched all over.
     
    #27 Love4Ever, Oct 4, 2018
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2018
  8. tystnad

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    I think it's good to have correct expectations and to not live in an illusion, but I don't think that's the same as giving up on men. I'd say, try not to worry too much about this before you even start dating. How you prefer your sex to be is something to start thinking about when sex is on the table, and not something to spend too much time worrying about in abstraction. It's very tempting to worry about these things (man, i know!) but you never know who you're going to meet. Who knows, you might fall head over heels in love with a guy who is okay with not having penetrative sex or with who you can work together to figure out something that works for both of you. Of course, you don't have to date men if you don't even want to think about having to worry about this later on, but i definitely don't think that having a preference like this means you have to give up on something. Things will work out in a way that works - let your feelings (and not so much your anxious brain) guide you into what's right when the time comes :slight_smile:
     
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  9. Silveroot

    Silveroot Guest

    Perhaps you feel that as a kind of invasion? After all, you let someone into a very sensitive area of your body. Do you feel like it's a vulnerable position to be in? No need to answer here, just proposing these questions as food for thought.

    It does feel weird at first and for some women external stimulation is always going to feel better than penetration.

    Yes, you crave for someone who wants all of you, not just a part you. If it feels that way, maybe it's not the gender that's wrong for you, but the specific people.
     
    #29 Silveroot, Oct 4, 2018
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  10. Mihael

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    I'd say a mature partner is going to compromise in sex life and will care for your happiness. I think Silveroot has a major point that a lot of those guys are just ignorant, immature, selfish or something like that. Not all men are thoughtless like that. There are decent human beings who are male out the re too :wink:
     
    #30 Mihael, Oct 4, 2018
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  11. Love4Ever

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    I am sure that has something to do with it. I don't even wear tampons because it feels unnatural to me. It is not as if the tampon hurt or anything, I just didn't like the process or the battle of dealing with it. I just don't feel like anything should be in there if you know what I mean? I know this probably sounds very weird to some people but I just don't want anything there. I don't know, I just have very specific things about my body that I don't like or want, or will not do. It's the same way I could never have biological children. Everything about that is just so wrong to me. I would like to maybe be a mother, but I will not do it in the "traditional" way. Just no. I need to feel comfortable when I ever have sex and safe and all the things I mentioned will not make me feel okay.
     
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  12. Biguy45

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    Of course
     
  13. Love4Ever

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    I don't know. I would need to find a very unique man I think. I don't imagine a lot of straight men would like a woman like me.
     
  14. Mihael

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    Hmm I'd say I started to feel okay with the ideas of having a baby, breastfeeding, showing my vagina to someone and tampons - with time. All that used to make me very uncomfortable. Maybe this is a vulnerability thing.

    Keep trying with both men and women. Time will show :slight_smile:
     
  15. Destin

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    I'm just going to be honest here because I feel like the others in this thread are being kind of unrealistic. Yea, people should care more about the person than their body or how the sex is etc. but that's not how it works in reality most of the time. I'm really sorry if this sounds mean, but from a male perspective, pretty much every biological guy is going to see this as "this girl won't let me bang her, and she'll never give me children....why would I spend effort on this person when I can just go find a girl who looks and acts mostly the same but will give me both."

    People definitely have preferences and shouldn't have to do things they don't want to, but the less things you're willing to do the less reasons people have to pick you over someone else who they can do more with. Dating is a competition, and everyone wants to win not settle for less.
     
  16. Love4Ever

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    Well, that's unfortunate. I won't give up hope. Maybe a man I want exists and I will meet him someday. If not, well then I guess I'll just be bi forever, since I will never stop liking men, but I'll just settle down with a nice girl. I am already starting to feel this is best anyway.
     
  17. Mihael

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    The sensation of a tampon or anything else in that place is strange, tho, I have to admit that. It's like there was an alien object in your guts.
     
  18. Love4Ever

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    Tell me about it. It just doesn't feel right.
     
  19. fadedstar

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    What you're looking for sounds a bit like a "side" in gay male terminology. Men like that do exist, but I don't know how many of them are like that with women.
     
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  20. Love4Ever

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    Interesting. I have never heard this term. What does it mean?