What do you think is the best thing to do when a close friend realizes that you have a crush on them? One of my best friends and I were really close and cuddly (platonically) for about a year and I ended up realizing that I liked her in a "more than friends" way. I didn't think to say anything to her because I didn't have any intention of having a romantic relationship with her (even though I like her as a friend I didn't think we'd be good partners -- plus she's straight) and I was worried that saying something would make the friendship weird. Turns out the friendship got weird anyway, though... I think I must have started acting differently around her, or was maybe being less platonic than I thought. She started distancing herself, then later wrote me a note apologizing for being distant and basically saying that she had lately been wondering if I liked her. In hindsight I really should have said something to her a long time ago when I first started realizing that I had feelings for her. Now I'm not sure how to give her an honest response and move forward in our friendship. I'm worried that she'll feel like everything was tainted, since we were so close, and I don't want to lose our friendship.
I think that honesty is the best policy, as cliché as it sounds. I think that you should be honest with her and tell her that you realized that you had feelings for her but you chose not to tell her and that you're sorry that she felt the need to distance herself (if that's how you feel) and that you don't want to lose her as a friend. It seems like you didn't say anything because the friendship meant more to you than telling her - or that you knew that she wouldn't reciprocate the feelings - so maybe you should find a way to make her see that. And if it's the case tell her that you've moved past those feelings? Reassure her about how genuine your friendship was even if you developed feelings at one point. Maybe she will say that she needs time or something, but this "break" in your friendship would, in my opinion, be better than if you lied and said that you never had feelings for her. Anyway... Good luck with everything! I hope that everything goes well and that your friend will be understanding.
If she's giving you an opportunity to open up and move forward with the friendship, you should take it. It doesn't sound like she wants to end the friendship. Just tell her what you said above. Tell her you really value your friendship with her and don't want to lose it. Tell her you do not (and never did) have any intentions of trying to date her. I would stop being so affectionate with her.
Thanks, guys! I ended up sending her a note just being honest about what I felt and saying that I hoped we could keep being friends. I haven't heard back yet, but it feels good to have said it at least.
I'm so glad to hear (read) that! I really wish you all the best, I hope that she gets back to you with an understanding and nice reply so you can both go on with this friendship.
Thank you so much for your support! I'm still waiting to hear back from her, but I really hope that she'll be understanding, too. She's a very dear friend, so I'd be really sad to lose her. Whatever happens, though, it feels better to have just been honest with her -- I didn't realize how much emotional energy it took to essentially be keeping that secret.
Don't mention it If you want you can let me know when you've heard from her. And I'm really glad that this weight is off your shoulders now! It would be sad to lose her and I hope that it won't happen, but it's not really in your hands anymore. You've done what you had to do which is being honest, and now hopefully she will do her part and understand where you are coming from.
