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Sexual fantasies

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Whywhy123, Jun 19, 2020.

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  1. Whywhy123

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    I have been lurking around many forums and noticed something. When straight people say that they fantasize about the same sex, people automatically tell them that they're not straight.

    But when gay people, especially lesbians, say that they fantasize about the opposite sex, everybody accepts that and not once have I seen someone tell them "you're not gay" (well, maybe in some cases of gay men).

    I was wondering what the cause of this double standard is? Because you know, fantasies are just it, fantasies. Some women fantasize about being raped but they do not wish to be raped in real life. I know we live in a world where sexuality is expected to be stable, but yeah
     
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  2. LostInDaydreams

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    It’s not something I’ve noticed, and you’re right, not all fantasies are what people want in real life.

    I don’t know...are these the same people, on the same forums? The forum itself makes a difference...if somebody comes to EC, a forum that is for people questioning their sexuality, then they’ll probably get a different reaction than on a parenting forum, for example, which is mostly used by straight women with children.
     
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  3. BiGemini87

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    Now that you've mentioned it, I've noticed it, too. I think the distinction I've noticed though regards porn. A gay/lesbian person watching straight porn doesn't make them straight any more than a straight person watching gay porn makes them gay.

    Fantasies are trickier, I think, and context regarding the frequency of these fantasies and their effect on the person having them are, I think, something that needs to be taken as a person-by-person case.

    In sum, fantasies are not 100% hard proof that someone is one orientation or another; they can be indicators, but they're not absolute. I think how people feel around people of whatever gender is a larger indicator, and one that can be trusted a fair bit more.
     
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  4. Whywhy123

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    Surprisingly enough, yes, it has been this forum. But there were less "you're not straight" responses on forums that consisted mainly of straight people
     
  5. LostInDaydreams

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    I would guess it’s down to context and audience. If you’ve come to EC, a forum for people who are questioning their sexuality, with a membership who have mostly been through the same process, then you are probably going to get a different response than on a another forum, mainly made of straight people, who mostly haven’t questioned. People can only speak and respond from their own experiences and understanding.

    Having said that, nobody can (or should try to) tell another person what their sexuality is. The only one that can know is the person themselves.
     
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  6. StillHorny

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    Hmm. Maybe it's wishful thinking or projection on their part.
     
  7. out2019

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    I agree that some fantasies are just that - fantasies, and they could represent some other need we have. On top of that pornography use can escalate the need for more novel or erotic situations to get arousal. .... When it comes to using fantasies to determine sexuality I think what is important is the frequency, intensity, and range.

    For example if a guy said they once in awhile had a fantasy of being bottommed but 95% of the time fantasizes about women and the bottoming only comes up when they are feeling low - that might be someone straight.

    But if a guy fantasized about men 95% of the time the fantasies were much more intense than when he tried to fantasize about women, I would say that he is probably gay.
     
  8. Chip

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    Note that this is a necropost as a result of a (now removed) spam post. The original poster is no longer part of the community.
     
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