Really confused about my sexuality

hey welcome to EC man. now first of all i want to tell you that there is nothing wrong with being gay/bi. and i know how you must be feeling, see i was in your same place a few months ago. the thing is i had no one to talk to even here in EC it was so hard to find anyone around my age so even though everyone here is incredibly nice and helpful i still felt alone. and thats why your post caught my eye. i dont want you to go through that, so i get on ec alo nowadays so if you ever want to talk im almost always here (btw sorry if some parts of my post seemed rushed or dont make sense, im writing through my phone and the keyboard sucks xD)

---------- Post added 14th Mar 2012 at 09:19 PM ----------

btw im 14 i forgot to mention that (my bad) so just reply on here or in my wall if u ever want to talk

 

I'm just trying to reflect back to the time when I was 13. That's when I was just discovering what sexuality was, much less my orientation, and I think that's how it is for most people. Granted, I was raised in a much less accepting environment, but I don't think I could even begin to sort those things out then. I was still keeping track of my body hair growth lol.

You have a lot of time ahead of you, so I would suggest you go along for the ride. If you find that the conversation goes toward sexual subjects, I don't see why you can't talk about girls since you know you like them. You don't have to let people know about every nuance of your attractions if you're not comfortable with it. Sexuality is a very complicated thing, so don't feel pressured to figure things out and come out.

In my experience, it's a big commitment coming out, and you don't want to deal with coming out more than once because you were brash. Since you seem to come from an openminded environment, you might share that you're questioning to a person you're close to. I know having someone non-judgmental to share all my thoughts with would have made my whole process so much easier.

 

Welcome to EC, I hope this place is really helpful to you.
Just try to keep in mind that whoever you are is ok. Give it time, you'll figure it out. I'm sorry there's no magic answer to this, but it's just one of those things that takes time. And one last thing, I know how stressful this kind of confusion can be....RELAX!!!

 

From the sound of it, you're probably a bi guy but more along the 1-2 placement on the kinsey scale. Being bi doesn't really mean liking girls and guys equally. You seem to lean more on the straight side of things. It could just be a phase. It could not be. Depends on how long those feelings have been there. Phases, however, don't go on for years. But, as said, gay seems very unlikely - you definitely seem to lean straight. The "some days I feel" thing is what led me to thinking it's bisexuality - that's classic ebb and flow pattern. Some days I lean towards girls, some days I lean towards guys, some days I lean towards both. While the "can't see" seems to be more due to fear of how people would react possibly (feeling uncomfortable when sexuality is brought up - feeling uncomfortable is most often instilled by some aspect of society), since you said you could see yourself in a relationship with a guy, which is common for a lot of people who are LGBT.

Background - I'm a bi guy (Kinsey 1.5) who leans more towards girls. I could possibly be in a relationship with a guy, but that would be a lot more rare of an occurrence since few guys make me feel the same way that girls do.

 

13 is around the age I started thinking about my sexuality too. I sort of bounced around alot between Straight (I was attracted to girls and thought this is what I 'should' be), Gay (I knew I was attracted to boys more than girls) and Bi (Kind of a middle ground, but it felt like I was saying they were equal, which I knew wasn't true).

It's taken me 4 years to get my head around a simple fact: sexuality isn't set- it can change from day to day. Your level of attraction now, may change entirely in a few years. All you can do is be true to what you are now- It sounds alot like you are bisexual with a stronger attraction to women- however there are plenty of people with slight phsysical attraction to men who would consider themselves straight. It's really up to you to weigh things up (Physical attraction/ Romantic feelings/ practicallity etc.), and decide what term feels comfortable now- just don't feel once you've decided on a term to describe you, that's who you are forever.

Good luck!