Hi, All, I'm a married man with kids. I've identified as straight my whole life, never having had same sex attraction until about a month ago. It came up during sex with my wife. I've been encouraging her to explore her fantasy life to revive her sex life (she has been low drive for years). So, during the act, she playfully said she'd like to have a man penetrate me from behind. Long story short, I basically took that as permission to consider same sex attraction for myself. I don't think this is something I'd ever given myself permission to do prior to this, in part due to a religious upbringing and in part due to the culture in which I've existed. I'm no longer religious and am still in the process of de-converting although I've acknowledged my own atheism for a few years now. After a month of giving myself permission to explore my sexuality in my fantasy life and porn viewing, I'm quite confused. Watching gay porn is becoming increasingly interesting, but I still seem to prefer porn with a woman present (MMF is perhaps most preferred). My fantasy life is much more gay. Fantasizing about giving oral to and being penetrated by another man is intensely pleasurable for me. I fantasize primarily about a childhood friend who came out to me as gay maybe 7-8 years ago. When I'm out in public, my eyes still go to attractive women, but I am starting to notice attractive men more. I guess my questions are as follows. Is it possible that I have been gay my whole life but never allowed myself to explore my true sexuality? Can I know my true sexuality without having sex with a man? I don't think my wife would be ready for me to try that, and I want to be honest with and true to her. Any input would be greatly appreciated, as this is dominating my mind at present.