Hi! During college I started to think that I might be bisexual or even just gay. While I enjoyed the relationship I had with my girlfriend, I often struggled sexually getting in the mood, and so the thought that I wasn't straight came up. Once I started thinking I might be gay things kind of got weird for me. If a dude sat next to me on the bus I would become very hyperaware of my groin and mildly aroused. Never really full on hard from something like that, but definitely some kind of feeling down there. The guy didn't even really need to be attractive. I started checking guys out more and had similar feelings. To me this made me think I was more gay then straight, because I never really had those feelings with women. I would check out ones that I thought were cute, but pretty rarely became aroused at all without physical contact. Around this time I started to watch gay porn, which is kind of the start of my confusion. I find it very very hard to get off too. When I watch straight / girl girl porn, I can finish in 5 minutes if I am not trying to slow myself down. For gay porn its like 20 minutes of rug burn frankly. Definitely feels different. I get full hard pretty quickly once I start touching myself, but the actual end doesn't come easily. I certainly feel a bit anxious when I look at gay porn. Never really thought of my self as homophobic as I have many friends who are gay, including my best friend, but I think I do have some issues with considering myself gay. I think I have made genuine efforts to focus and not worry when I watch the porn, but never really had an easy time of it. I have also tried a couple of times in person. Had two separate one night stands with guys, thinking that it might be better in person. In both cases, I failed to get hard completely. Didn't even really feel aroused. I am definitely an anxious person when it comes to sex in general, and have had issues getting hard or staying hard with women before, but never to the extent that I did then. Now I am kind of at a loss on how to proceed. I had a therapist for a bit for other issues, but her only real advice on this topic was to try again with some more guys once quarantine ended. I might try getting one that specializes in issues like this but I am not sure. Also moving to a new city soon, and so maybe joining a group is a good idea? Not sure. Any advice or feelings on my situation would be very much appreciated.
Hi. So problems with staying up in bed isnt just bc you're gay, theres plenty of reasons that why this could happen (and you said the same thing when trying with men). I understand when you talk about this hyperaware of your groin and feeling something down there, since this has been happening to me for a while now. You said you have a feeling down there that comes along with anxiety, do you obsess over this? Are you thinking aboht this 24/7? Because feeling something down there doesnt mean you are aroused, it could mean that you are anxious. I know this bc it happened to me for some time, i have ocd and i was so obsessive about this, so there was a time, i was on the bus and a huge guy sat by my side, and just like you, i was feeling something down there, a weird feeling that bothers and is uncomfortable. I used to think i was gay bc of this, so this lead me to a whole of fantasies testing and porn testing to see if i would like to have sex with a guy. So porn doesnt mean nothing, you can be aroused by anything in porn, sometimes i did get some arousal to gay porn too. What you could try is masturbate thinking about men, if its more arousing than woman, then sure you are probably more gay than straight, if its not, then you are probably straight. Im saying this from my pov since the things you described i already went through. When i look at guys, i get very anxious and it doesnt feel like im attracted, bc it doesnt feel good, is like im having a panick attack, do you relate? And yeah like i said, until i know anxiety can give arousal, dont know if its true though. If you say to me that you like looking at men, and get hard, and it feels good, than you are most likely gay, if you like to look at womans and it feels good, then no. Im sorry if i made you confused, but its just my pov. Like i said, i already experienced and still experience this feelings sometimes around men, or when i look at one. But feeling so anxious and its not good, and when i go masturbate to man i dont feel nothing. And you did somethinf really telling you tried with 2 guys already, if you didnt get at least a little hard, isnt bc your afraid, maybe is just bc you dont like it. Try masturbating without porn and thinking about guys, and tell after what do you feel and what the difference between them. But remeber, dont try to think of this too much, im on the road of ocd for 3 years now, everyday this was on my head. So pls dont overthink itll only get worse. Hope you be well.
