Pronoun issues w/ friends/ gf :)

I want to start by saying that it isn’t selfish to want people to use your pronouns, anymore than it’s selfish to want people to call you by your name and not some random name they chose for you. While I don’t think your girlfriend is being intentionally hurtful, it is transphobic to refuse to use the correct pronouns for someone because they don’t “look nonbinary.” Nonbinary people come in all shapes and sizes. Some want to look more androgynous, or more masculine or feminine, but others are happy with their physical bodies. All nonbinary people are valid and deserve to be treated the way they want to be treated.

Let me address your girlfriend first. My suggestion is to go back to her and say, again, that you want her to use they/them pronouns for you. If she says that you don’t look nonbinary, ask her what she thinks a nonbinary person looks like. Tell her that you are nonbinary and it doesn’t matter what you look like.

For your friends: Can you get the ones that do correctly gender you to help with the ones that don’t? You shouldn’t have to handle this on your own and it might help to have people on your side reminding them that what they’re doing isn’t cool. Then remind them. It’s possible that they think, even on a subconscious level, that if you’re not correcting them on using the wrong pronouns, that you don’t actually think it’s a big deal and therefore they don’t have to try. Using they/them pronouns doesn’t come naturally to most people and so it’s normal for them to need time to retrain their brains—but that doesn’t make it okay for them not to try at all.