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Process of self understanding

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Lemony, Sep 2, 2021.

?

Do you look back and think it was starring at me how did I not realise till (insert age)

  1. Yes

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  1. Lemony

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    First moment that made you think........ “Oh I’m not straight”/ This is new......?

    (Realising I had feelings for a girl I just befriended, I tried to ignore it thinking I was still upset from my heart break from a guy I still liked but um........ yeah nup.... that was not it....I really liked her and um cared about her more then the guy in the end oop)

    What was your thought process from then on.....?

    (Mine was deny it all and then boom realise.......)
    I then asked myself how the F did I not know this....

    What was that moment when you knew? You actually confirmed with yourself ok.... I’m not straight and I get that now

    (When I spoke to a counsellor over the phone and she said try identifying with a label and see how it feels..... I knew straight away I was bisexual that morning and told my mum)


    So what was yours like? Was it similar?

    (Sorry if none of this makes sense or sounds weird, my brain feels foggy rn....)

    Love EC, you all are Amazing
     
    #1 Lemony, Sep 2, 2021
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2021
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  2. Engdood1

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    When my buddy said he really wanted a threesome with me and a girl. I thought to myself ‘that’s kind of gay’ but it turned me on. Been fantasising about him ever since.
    Mostly confusion but starting to come to the realisation that I’m not straight and am probably gay.
    Well I’m not quite there yet but one day I was in the car and thinking about stuff. I was thinking about all of the let downs in the bedroom with women, how in private I think about men a lot and the combination of those two things. I suddenly thought maybe I am actually gay. It was a big thought for me at the time and a turning point.
     
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  3. QuietPeace

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    As someone who has transitioned it is difficult to even be sure what would be straight or anything else. Not only that my own level of desire always seemed to lie outside of the "norm". Add to that a complex condition that masked what my real libido was and that made it worse. Even with all of that I pretty much knew "not straight" all along. I was in my 50s before I even learned that asexuality was a real thing and it was a couple years after that to learn that there were different flavors of it. In 2018 my complex condition was diagnosed and in 2019 it was going into remission and I finally started to accept that I was demisexual.

    Once I accepted that I was demisexual I was simply a lot more comfortable. Explaining what it is to people who do not already know though is complicated. Sexual people are always "well of course you want to care about the person" and I am "no you do not get it. if everyone was like me there would be no such thing as singles clubs, dating sites or even porn". They either get it or just look at me like I am an alien.
     
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  4. Lemony

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    That makes a lot of sense and really interesting to here from a non cis person perspective. Thank you for sharing QuietPeace. :grin:
    With demisexuality is it basically no sexual attraction at all but after a bond with someone the desire comes?
     
  5. Lemony

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    Thank you for sharing Engdood1 :grin:
    Was wondering myself if for some people one thing brings a thought into your head and it makes you unlock who you really are.
     
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  6. QuietPeace

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    I am able to find someone attractive but I have not interest at all in having sex until after I get to know someone very well, I learn to trust them and I feel emotionally close to them. I have tried casual sex (friends and society in general really pressure people to do it) and it just never felt right.
     
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  7. Rayland

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    It was when I first realised, that I don’t identify as a woman.

    So I thought about, if I could be with a woman, if I am actually male, but I never have had crushes for girls and women flirting with me have made me really uncomfortable before, so I figured, if I identify as male, but I like men, then wouldn’t it make me gay as well and it was really confusing and sounded ridiculous for me.

    When I found out that trans men can be gay as well.
     
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  8. BiGemini87

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    I actually don't know when I had that first moment, but it wasn't really a "I'm not straight" moment so much as a "I notice this girl with a lot more intensity than usual, want to be around her/get to know her better" moment. I had a few of these back in high-school, two that I remember in particular with girls I was friends with. One I didn't get to know until late Grade 10/early Grade 11, and because of the way she dressed, her eyes, and the stuff she was interested in, I found myself wanting to see her more. Another was a friend I'd known a bit longer (late Grade 9 or early Grade 10), and when she started dating a boy who just rejected me, I was a lot sadder than was usually about boys I'd been rejected by. Like even after I realized he was nothing special (actual a bit of a dick--she learned the same later on) I couldn't help looking at them. Oddly enough though, my focus was a lot more on her than him. This is the friend I'm very much smitten with today, in fact.


    Oh, hardcore denial. Every time I started to think, "Do I like girls?" I'd shut down the entire thought process. I didn't have the best homelife as it was, so I couldn't allow myself another hardship to overcome until much later in life.


    I'd say late 20s, but I still didn't fully accept and acknowledge it until 31, going on 32 (2 1/2 years ago).


    From your answers, I'd say there are definitely some parallels. :slight_smile:

    And in answer to the poll, yeah I definitely have felt like "How did I miss this? It was so obvious!" ^^;
     
    #8 BiGemini87, Sep 2, 2021
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2021
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  9. Lemony

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    Thank you for sharing.
     
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  10. Lemony

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    Thank you for sharing. It feels really good to know that someone else has been though similar experiences as myself.
     
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  11. GrumpyOldLady

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    There were so many moments that I ignored, for many years, so it's hard to pick out the first one. There were moments throughout my childhood that were pretty big hints but I think the first time I ever had a conscious suspicion is when I first picked up a Playboy magazine (6th or 7th grade maye) and the girls in it made me feel something that no guys ever did.

    Denial and suppression all the way, and through many other moments after that.

    It wasn't until I was 45 or 46 that I finally admitted to myself that I was more attracted to women than men, I also have definite transmasculine tendencies and the thought of being with a man as a man is much more attractive to me than being with a man as a woman. I currently don't want to transition and I'm used to the body and pronouns I have, I suppose I'm more gender neutral than anything else because it's largely irrelevant to me most of the time. I've found as I explored my attraction to women I've been able to accept my feminine side more so I feel more comfortable just being who am right now and identifying as a lesbian.
     
  12. Lemony

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    Thank you for taking the time to reply and opening up.
     
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  13. out2019

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    14 years old... trying to masturbate about all the 'hot' girls in school.. literally rubbing myself raw :slight_smile: then I thought about a guy who everyone teased about being gay I imagined him giving me a blow job and had the most intense orgasm in less than 15 seconds...then slowly I started to imagine other stuff....


    I would 'switch' to thinking about women at the last moment before orgasm (either when masturbating of having sex) or have the afterward guilt/denial... 'see i am not gay'... I don't like it.

    I was at a dance performance when the men and women were both dressed in tights and leotards, I was always trying to subconsciously 'prove' i was straight by looking at the women and thinking 'she's hot'... I accidently looked at the rear of a guy (they were dressed the same) and started to get aroused... then I looked his front and I melted.. i was trembling in my seat.. I was worried my (female) date would notice something.. I realized I had no interest in her or any of the women....
     
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