Possibly Gay, trying to accept

Very similar here, I can certainly can acknowledge a beautiful woman but have absolutely zero sexual interest in them. With men I have a particular type I find attractive and gravitate towards them.

 

As we know lots of gay men have interest in beautiful women, women's fashion, without being sexually attracted to them.

As many here have mentioned you'll probably find or realize that you're not really sexually attracted to women, you just find them beautiful, and as you 'let yourself' look in the real world your tastes in guys will expand.

I remember when I was in heavy denial a guy flirted with me and I got very anxious. I used that anxiety to say to myself "see I am not gay' - literally two years later, when I finally started accepting myself I started fantasizing about him.

 

I can relate to this so much. For me it’s like that as well, being attracted to clean guys with great bodies and a big p*nis. Unfortunately not all men are like that. If I think about French kissing a guy the idea turns me off, but being submissive and giving orally e.g. turns me on incredibly. I like watching straight porn and fantasize about being the woman rather than being the man.


I also relate to you finding women much more attractive and beautiful (cleaner as well) than men. I can have sex with women (I’m in a hetero sexual relationship) but I’ve never been the type of guy that went hunting for women if I look back.

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I got a hair cut once and the guy giving it to me was very openly gay. He flirted heavy with me the entire time. I remained very quiet and nervous .This was long before I admitted to myself I was as gay as him. After I thought that was so uncomfortable was so relieved to get out of there but later I would regret never going back and would fantasize about him too. But at the time I couldn’t allow myself to see him as attractive or enjoy a cute guy flirting with me.

 

Thanks for you reply. I understand it is frustrating, as you don't want to dive into something and eventually find out that it's not for you or that it is not what you expected. Then again, I don't think you can hide for your true self. If you are attracted to men, then you're attracted to men. Is your attraction to women limited as well? Or would you have sex with any woman? Because I know that I couldn't just sleep with any woman.

I'm kind of in the same boat as you, the only difference is that I'm in a heterosexual relationship (my girlfriend knows "im attracted to men as well). The thing that concerns me is that I'm not sure if I can live a monogamous life without giving in to my sexual gay fantasies. I've done this for years but it feels like torture. Then again, waking up with a guy, kissing with a guy (unless he's really good looking and clean) doesn't appeal to me, I would rather do with a woman. But I'm not sure if that's just internalized homophobia which I will outgrow once I fully accepted my fantasies and desires. I don;t think we should have the answer right now, I see it as a journy. But it shouldn't take a lifetime.

 

With me it was very similar - I thought women were beautiful but the only 'part' I thought about was the ass. Even though I could imagine some erotic arousal around say touching a woman's butt, every other part was just 'eh' even though I could acknowledge and find women super attractive that was the only part I was attracted to.... when I finally let myself look at ideal guys' butts and let myself imagine, well doing stuff there was no comparison, plus I could turn them around and do stuff too

I have an ideal type that hasn't changed, but I found it doesn't have to be the 'perfect' ideal to be attracted to a guy. As I accepted myself more I noticed more guys IRL i found attractive.

 

When I was a teenager I got hit on all the time. This went on for about 4 years. It did'nt matter where or who I was with. The train ,Arbys , custom car show , clubs and even on the job at a customers as exaples. It became a standing joke with my friends. How many numbers did I get.
Fast forward twenty something years .divorced and it starts up all over again. In resturants and clubs ,shopping. Now I have a loving gf I am in my 50's and after 7 years in this relationship there is an incident. Afterwards we have long discussion and she loveingly helped me discover my true sexuality.

 

You have a type of man you are attracted to. Once you find him I believe you will be very comfortable kissing him .If you're just looking for a hook up it is uncomfortable. You won't have that natural feeling.

 

This is absolutely the case. Finding a man you are attracted to sexually and emotionally changed everything. It suddenly all makes sense and you become comfortable in an exclusive gay relationship.

 

@CJZ I agree wtih @Robyn mac and @Contented
I am not trying to 'convince' you but just look at what you are posting

but this fantasy is far more intense than any woman, right?

internalized homophobia.

- you are only interested in a girl's ass, but how often do you fantasize about it vs a guy?
You could be 80% 'gay' remember few people are 100%
but let me put if this way, if you saw your fantasy guy and a girl with a nice ass which one would you choose?

 

Well who does'nt like a guy who is clean cut. He does'nt have to be muscular . What does it for me is personality and smart. He's smart but does'nt have to be a genius. Can carry on a conversation and have facts to back up his opinion.

 

Ok I didn't know you actually fantasized about your girlfriend's butt, I thought you just looked on the street (which is common), I can understand why the label doesn't work at the moment.

 

I don't know how old you are, but I know it's more difficult to reach a point where you're fully comfortable with yourself and your sexuality the more time you've spent closeted over the years. Being content with your sexuality is not going to happen over night, it's a process that can last years. So don't feel like you have to rush into this. It's ok to take it slow and really evaluate your situation. Have you considered that you might also be bisexual? Many closeted men anxiously go straight to "I'm fully gay" and that probably causes even more issues when they still experience attraction to women on some level.

Every gay/bi man who comes out later in life has the exact same type: Muscular, clean cut hairless jocks. This MIGHT be influenced by porn, but more often than not it's probably a symptom of being closeted. You've spent years only focusing on women that you just haven't nurtured and grown with your attraction to men. The muscular, clean cut jock is an idealized archetype of masculine beauty; it's "easy" to be attracted to them because in a way, it's psychologically spoon-fed to you so you don't have to do any individual introspection of your own sexuality and your likes/dislikes. I think as you start to feel more comfortable with yourself, you'll find that you're attracted to a wider range of men. If you find yourself only attracted to clean-cut hairless muscular types, there's nothing wrong with that of course. But realistically how often would those men be attracted to YOU? Not often, I assume. The gay dating pool is already very small, so you're looking for a minority within a minority and that lessens your chances to find genuine connections and romance. Either widen your prospects or expect to spend a good chunk of your life single. Not trying to scare you, it's just good to be realistic.

 

@CJZ Thanks for this thread. I'm like you except that I'm going through this at 60. Now that I'm out to this group and finally signed up to a dating site as a bi-man, I find myself passing on most women's profiles. I still find them attractive, but am more interested in discovering what guys I might match with. I'm also scared to death of being trapped in another straight relationship, unable to be my whole self. Whats confusing is I still feel romantic (and some sexual) attraction for women.

My question for those following this thread: To figure out my attraction, should I change my dating profile to gay so I can hash out my feelings? Is that fair to those guys I'm matching with? I am determined to live a life true to myself and also open/honest not to harm others. Even though I know this is hard for you @CJZ, you are so fortunate to be in this discovery stage at 28 with a whole life ahead of you! Good luck!