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Physical Intimacy compared to “Porn” Sex

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by OnTheHighway, Oct 30, 2020.

  1. OnTheHighway

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    Earlier this week a good friend of mine was telling me about how his new relationship he has been in has evolved and how his sexual desires have evolved as a result. He is one of those friends where we talk about our deep secrets, desires and sexual activities. Historically, while both single, we compared whom had sex with whom, what type of sex we had and jokingly discussed whom could out do one another while often comparing our activities to those watched in porn videos. We both are old enough to know that porn sex is not real sex, yet maybe our emotional maturity impeded our ability to embrace such a notion.

    Like him, I have been back together with my partner closing in on a year now. And recently I have done much reflection on how my own sexual needs and desires have evolved. Where today I no longer find excitement in trying to emulate what I would watch in videos, but instead find great comfort in physical tenderness, sensual exploration and romantic sexual journeys with my partner.

    During our discussion my friend was expressing how his own relationship has caused him to re evaluate what sex means to him. He mentioned how his desires for romantic intimacy now exceeds his desire for simple animalistic physical releases; specifically reflecting how he no longer wants or needs “porn sex”.

    I find it interesting to see a close friend at a similar point in his journey as myself and how it has translated into our sexual evolution. Where prior to this discussion I was actually fondly reminiscing on my prior sexual activities, this discussion reinforced for me the physic and emotional joy I know get out from physical intimacy compared to the emotional validation I was previously seeking through sex - or shall I call it “Porn Sex”. If I find myself watching porn I now see the emotional disconnect and find it strange that I once thought such sex was the only sex.
     
  2. NextEra333

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    Porn is focused on the enjoyment of the audience, not the actors. Very often, the actors are not enjoying any of it at all. Instead, they're often simply making it look like they're enjoying it for the audience. They have no connection whatsoever to one another. They might not even have had any interactions other than during the film.
     
  3. old tacoma

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    So, I have a question — What are the chances for a long term relationship between a man who looks for romantic intimacy and a man who looks for simple physical release?
     
  4. QuietPeace

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    @old tacoma I would say practically no chance at all for a real relationship, long term abuse sure. A person who is only looking for a physical release may keep using someone who is looking for a deep relationship (this has happened to me) but that is not a real two way emotionally connected relationship.
     
  5. OnTheHighway

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    People often confuse physical attraction and romantic attraction. Sometimes a person whom is only looking for a “physical release” as you put it may actually confuse a corresponding physical attraction from such sexual engagement with a romantic attraction. And this confusion may impair a persons ability to have a successful romantic relationship with a person they initially had a physical connection with, although I would not think it was impossible. Difficult, but not impossible.

    I myself have been in relationships that started because of physical chemistry established from sexual interaction rather than romantic chemistry, and I will readily admit that those relationships did not work out for me. My current gay relationship is the first one I have been in which was not instigated because of the physical chemistry, albeit there certainly was physical attraction. We allowed the romantic connection to build before we progressed to a physical connection (i.e. having sex).

    However, I am only one person with my own experiences. I do know other couples where the physical chemistry instigated the relationship and they seemed to have progressed to deeply connected romantic relationships. But if a person is truly only interested in a physical release, and they consciously are using the relationship for such a release, then I would suggest that relationship is not being built with the right foundation.