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Outed - Is it better to just bite the bullet and come out?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by warrior452, Apr 18, 2017.

  1. warrior452

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    Hey! so I've posted many times...

    Just wondering about something that I want advice on.

    I have refused to come out (although I'm dying to), saying my parents and community are too homophobic.

    I always felt like I was fairly "straight-acting" (although I hate that term), and I didn't have to work too hard to hide myself. However I recently came out to my one of my coworkers at my one job, and he was like "Yeah, we (like four other people) were like 90% sure you were gay. It came up several times." Fortunately all of the people concerned were very chill and supportive. I had a manager that I barely knew at the time, ask a relative of mine if I was gay.

    Then, at job #2 yesterday, I had an encounter that completely caught me off guard. A very loud (but kind) customer came in. She has been in several times, but I didn't know her. I was working on the other side of the counter, and she looked up at me from what she was looking at and goes "So, how's your boyfriend?" I was like "asdfsafasdfasdf." And she just goes, "Honey, it's okay. Relax - I'm supportive of you guys. I have an LGBT teen, so my gaydar is really good." She went on to say that she grew up in a really supportive family, and so she tries to return the favor by being kind and loving to the LGBT people in her world. Now, although I question the appropriateness of outing someone like this (pretty sure half the store heard her, and then me answer that I was in fact gay), her response was kind, if she was going to be that intrusive.

    I also feel like my parents know. It's a very touchy subject, and I was just told out of the blue that I need to act masculine, because "you're not gay."

    Apparently I'm very feminine, although I would never have classified myself as a femme.

    I guess my question is, if I'm not fooling anyone (even complete strangers in the store), is it better to just come out, regardless of the consequences? If everyone already knows, what's going to happen? My only concern is that it's still a hostile environment. I don't fear for my safety, but it will affect my financial situation.

    I just don't see the worth of living in a delusion that I'm hiding from everyone and killing myself mentally and emotionally if half the world already knows.
     
  2. Rainbows~Exist

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    It's your decision. It's 2017 and I feel like the need to "come out" isn't necessary and that it's an outdated term... just be yourself, live your life and love who you want. If someone asks if you're gay (including your parents) just be honest with them. You don't owe anyone an explanation and who you like physically/emotionally is your business and nobody else's.

    I'm aware however that some people feel the need to tell people in order to accept the fact that they are gay, lesbian, trans etc. It's a form of relief for some and it can feel like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders so really coming out is individual for everyone. Ultimately it's up to you to either tell your parents, family and friends or just be open about your sexuality so that they passively find out. Hope this helped :slight_smile:
     
  3. I'm gay

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    I think this is true for some people, and in some situations, but not for everyone. It's also more true the younger you are if you have a LGBT-friendly family.

    For most of us, especially those in families whose acceptance is either unknown or somewhat negative, "coming out" is just part of the process of being able to live your life in an authentic way, free from self-censorship and anxiety.

    I don't know whether you should come out or not, but since it seems like you want to, I would suggest that whether you come out now or later, the consequences will be largely the same. Either the people in your life will accept you or not, but giving them more time won't change that outcome. If you believe you will eventually come out to your family and friends, then it might as well be now.

    Take care. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
  4. OnTheHighway

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    How do you think it will make you feel if you came out? Do you think it would be helpful if you did?