Just seeing what people think about this topic. Do you need to feel love from the start or can it grow with time? How long would you stay in a relationship to see if love can develop if you are not feeling it 100% early on?
Of course it can. Every relationship has a different topography. Some have sharp inclines where you fall giddily in love straight away, others are characterised by a longer climb. With one previous girlfriend I remember going on a date with her, not feeling it and writing the relationship off in my head as 'just friendship'. It took 16 months of occasional meet ups as mates for something to happen. We were then lovers for two and half years and moved in together. She ended it, but then within a few weeks we slipped back into being friends again. We remained flatmates for another two years, by which time I had found someone else. She died of breast cancer in 2016. Over the course of the eight years we'd known each other our relationship had morphed from a friendship to romantic love back to into another sort of love: a deep mutual affection that often develops anyway in couples over a longer time period once the sexual passion has burned itself down. I still miss her. Beth
I believe it can, yes. But if someone enters into a relationship and they aren't feeling even the beginnings of that affection from the start, it's probably best for them to leave before either side gets hurt. If they do feel a spark from the start, then of course it's only natural to try and see where that spark goes. But if you're in a relationship for a number of months and it still hasn't exceeded beyond that initial interest, again--it's better to get out early than to drag it out. Of course, this is only after the couple has done everything they can to improve upon the relationship. A relationship can't be sustained on wishful thinking alone. But if it doesn't work, it doesn't work.
In my personal experience, love does grow over time as you get to know your partner on a deeper level. That being said, if that initial attraction isn't very strong to begin with then that might end up being part of the demise of the relationship. My relationship with an ex-boyfriend fell apart because of that reason. With my other ex-boyfriends / ex-girlfriend, it was other various reasons (lack of communication, never spending much time together even though we had time to, even intolerance towards me being bi with one ex, etc.) that caused us to head separate ways. However, with my girlfriend I'm with now the initial sparks were there. We communicate openly and honestly, spend time together when possible, and I can honestly say I've never loved anyone like I love her.
Love can grown over time (and it does) but there must be a spark at the beginning in order to light the fire. No spark, no fire! I have to admit to dating a guy in the past who was far more interested in me than I was in him. I kept it going for a couple of months to see if anything would develop, but the spark just wasn't there and the longer I allowed it to continue the more guilty I felt. I resolved never to go down that road again. It was hurtful to him and it was hurtful to me. As two people spend more time with each other and enjoy dates and physical intimacy, love really can grow. Conversation should reveal more about personality, hopes and aspirations and when you discover a synergy in all of that you are onto a winner, but all of that takes time. Even so, you should know if there is potential after one or two dates. Is there a physical attraction? Does conversation work? Can you laugh and smile together? Are you being open with each other? These are the basic ingredients that should be present on the first couple of dates that will determine whether that future potential exists.
To me Love develops throughout the years, when you have definite proof who will go through both good times and not so good. You also get a real chance to see who this person really is, though this might change overtime, as life itself changes them (and you). To conceal certain aspects of yourself is impossible after a few years, including the aspects you might want to keep at a safe distance from the relationship at the beginning, which includes... 'Aspects' they are not even aware of themselves. Could be what you are asking is 'How intrigued do I need to be about that person to stick around and find out who they really are'? Ask yourself if you enjoy their company, share their values and look forward to spend time with them. See if they stick around. Eventually sex finds a way, and years later (or seconds later?) you might find yourself talking about 'Love'. As you can see, to some there is a lot of paperwork to fill, so good luck with those.
