1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Ocd have a gf might be bi or gay, help

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Functioningdep, Dec 27, 2022.

  1. Functioningdep

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2022
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Earth
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I think my ocd made me realise im not 100% straight and im scared ill lose my gf and attraction to women entirely

    This is the unabridged version:

    Came across a trans porn vid in the wrong section whilst watching porn didnt know it was porn


    from then anytime id think about sex the woman would grow a penis


    If i fight the thoughts it would come back before ejaculating, felt horrendous, went into shock


    Watched a show called euphoria, triggered by the dad


    realised that when i was younger (13,15) 2 instances where looking at a boy got me nervous or anxious, stomach drop
     
    74andHome likes this.
  2. Functioningdep

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2022
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Earth
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Week later

    started getting anxious when i saw any man who was good looking

    Intrusive thoughts of sexual imagery or voices calling me gay

    Yet to be physically aroused


    obsessions started, forums, reddit followed bu ruminations


    read a post saying if you can picture waking yo next to someone it means you like then

    Smelled aftershavr from my friend at the gym

    Every time i closed my eyes he was there even with my gf

    Still no arousal there, just mental torment


    tried the porn test

    Straight porn 70% erect

    Trans porn 90% fluctuated, unstable

    Gay porn nothing


    gave up porn for a bit

    It helped, started therapy


    stopped trying to see if my friend would pop up and it faded away


    tested myself with thoughts of trans women and regular women, mental anguish


    gave up porn and masturbation for another 3 weeks


    Did the thought experiment


    regular thoughts fully erect

    Trans semi erect but anxious

    Gay barely anything


    but then i decided to masturbate

    Thoughts of women, got off

    then tried with thoughts of men, after a while i got off
    i dont know what to do, afraid ill lose attraction to my gf and all women
     
    74andHome likes this.
  3. Nameerf76

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2017
    Messages:
    143
    Likes Received:
    141
    Location:
    Australia
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I feel like I say this all time but I'm just speaking from my experience! One thing I would say is that yes it's possible you might be gay and you might lose your attraction to women eventually - but the important part is to think about why that worries you - that's one thought.
    The other thing I always seem to mention to people (sorry if I seem like a stuck record) is that you might be bi and there's nothing wrong with that either!
    I finally accepted I was bi 4-5 years ago and I haven't lost my attraction to women at all. Just gained a whole new part of life as well!
    I am really pan but I usually use the term bi because more people understand it..
    But I had that same fear when I wondered if I might be gay - that I would lose (and miss) my attraction to women...
     
    74andHome likes this.
  4. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    What you are describing shows no tendency toward same sex attraction. But you already know that, because you directly wrote it out above.

    Most likely, what you have is OCD, or some related thought disorder. This is something best dealt with in therapy and/or with medication. No amount of people telling you you aren't gay is going to help you or solve the probem.
     
  5. Jaimequestions

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2018
    Messages:
    282
    Likes Received:
    129
    Location:
    Washington DC
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I would not say it is proof of being gay. I used to love trans porn as well. After a while I wanted the same thing. Blaire White has pointed out that if you are attracted to a trans star, say Aubrey Kate, she looks very feminine, minus the penis, it does not necessarily mean you are gay. If you saw Buck Angel and are turned on by him you are much more like to be gay, very masculine, minus the vagina. It sounds like you are not gay with not getting anything from thinking of guys. You might just have a kink. Pegging might be an option, it has worked for me.
     
    74andHome likes this.
  6. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    This is a *completely* different thing. It has nothing to do with sexual attraction, it is an OCD response. Not remotely the same.
     
    74andHome and Searching2022 like this.
  7. wua

    wua
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2023
    Messages:
    70
    Likes Received:
    45
    Location:
    Europe
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You might be gay. You have written that you are aroused by male actor. You have to look inside you. Everybody know what is really aroused and erotic but sometimes it's difficult to accept it. Sometimes we want to believe in something that we can think that it's true but reality is opposite. Only you know what is the truth. Only you can answer your question. Nobody else knows what is in your head really. And I think that you know deeply inside what is your true orientation.
     
    74andHome likes this.
  8. Functioningdep

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2022
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Earth
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I am scared
     
    74andHome likes this.
  9. TinyWerewolf

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2021
    Messages:
    754
    Likes Received:
    489
    Location:
    Rural USA
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hey, it's going to be ok, I don't think you're gay from what I've read. Trans women are still women, just ones that start off with a different body part. As Jaime pretty much said, being attracted to a trans woman does not make you gay. Trust me, you should listen to Chip on this. These questioning thoughts are something best worked out in therapy, sometimes with medicine. He knows what he's talking about. There's a form of OCD that can take the form of questioning your sexuality- it's called HOCD. You should look into that. It's better to do this sooner rather than later for your own sake.
     
    74andHome likes this.
  10. Rayland

    Moderator Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2021
    Messages:
    2,111
    Likes Received:
    1,584
    Location:
    Estonia
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    HOCD is not a scientific term, it's all just OCD.

    Only thing is to go search for a therapist who is specialized to helping people with OCD. It can be hard, but It's all fully manageable, if you work with yourself and listen your specialist advice.
     
    74andHome and TinyWerewolf like this.
  11. Functioningdep

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2022
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Earth
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I have had 2 therapists
    Been diagnosed with ocd

    Read a book calld a billion wicked thoughts which explains a lot about male and female sexuality. Apparently men. An get arouses by t women because of the combination of female and male attributes and straight men are as aroused by male genitalia as gay men are
    I would sometimes come across porn and my heart or stomach will sink

    i had a break down couple months back. Checked gay porn, got a semi when i focused on their parts after like 5 mins or so. Its like my heart was pounding and everything shrunk, then eventually it loosened up. I felt really uncomfortable. Hard to watch

    watched straight porn. Got hard quickly then lost it after 5 mins or so, even scarier

    watched lesbian porn, got hard, i like when theyre giving oral and kissing passionately

    On instagram i have come across a post of one my gym friends topless and noticed that after a while in notice small movements in my boxers, with a bit of a tingling
    Sometimes when i look at a hot woman the same thing happens or i get a light chest feeling

    sometimes my mind will go back yo the gay porn i watched and sometimes i get sonewhat aroused

    sometimes i just think about a girl ive had sex with or speak to a girl and go hard but simply thinking of sex with a woman, now, cant guarantee arousal, but when it does im solid(maybe its harder because im desensitised?)

    sometimes when i think about sex id get intrusive images of my male friend and its a turn off, atleast mentally
    But when ive tried to think of sex with a man its like squeeze water from a stone

    the last piece of pornography ive watched was lesbian. Did thr trick- I then got aroused by pictures of regular women


    i feel like im just led on by porn, one intrusive thought replaced by another

    Sometimes i have thoughts that say ”im gay” which unnerve me but then i have thoughts that tell me im not which soothe me.
     
  12. 74andHome

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2023
    Messages:
    353
    Likes Received:
    209
    Location:
    Austin, Texas
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people

    I agree with Ragland. God time to see a therapist.