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Not sure of my sexuality

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Mezza40, Jan 16, 2022.

  1. Mezza40

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    I've always had relationships with women, However my first sexual experience was with a guy. I performed oral on him and he tried to have sex with me but it didn't happen.

    Years went by and never did anything with guys until one where I did have sex with him. He set me up with one of his friends. After that I fell in love with a woman and had kids. Unfortunately the marriage broke down from her cheating. And I've been single since.

    I don't know if it's just a sex thing I enjoy or if I'm bisexual or what.
    All I do know is if I am I know family wouldn't approve
     
  2. bsg75apollo

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    I understand how you feel. I have had only relationships with women, married two of them, but my.first sexual experience was much like yours. I have confused myself about my sexuality. Thinking there was just enough straight in me to qualify as bisexual. Probably not. Way more attracted to men. Right now I'm trying on the gay label to see how it fits.
     
  3. out2019

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    Did you like it?

    What are most of your fantasies about ?
     
  4. Mezza40

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    Hmm I think I enjoy it first time and second when I was set up with a guys friend not so much I was either not relaxed enough or he was too big I didn't ask I just remember thinking maybe I've bitten of more than I could handle. It did look quite a sight in his bedroom wall mirror
     
  5. out2019

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    do you enjoy sex with men?
    what about sex with women?
    Who do you fantasize about most?
     
    #5 out2019, Jan 16, 2022
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2022
  6. Mezza40

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    I enjoy sex with women. I'm not so sure with guys but I do like a bit of anal play now I have my own place to myself I've been able to experiment. I've never done bareback I do want to know how that feels.

    But I seen to have phases where stright porn doesn't help so I'll watch gay and sometimes gay porn does nothing and I go back to stright porn.

    Also my last experience was underwhelming and I thought we I'm not bi or gay then.....but here I am still confused
     
    #6 Mezza40, Jan 16, 2022
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 16, 2022
  7. zgaynz

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    Bisexuality is a spectrum. You could be either be mostly straight and only incidentally homosexual, mostly straight but more than incidentally homosexual, equal attraction, mostly homosexual but more than incidentally heterosexual and finally, mostly homosexual and only incidentally heterosexual.

    It is quite possible to only be sexually interested in men with no romantic interests whatsoever so I wouldn't be in a hurry to label anything. Given some of your answers above it's quite plausible that you may lie somewhere on the bisexual spectrum but only you know how you feel, whom you are attracted to and what you enjoy/want.

    Take some time and reflect. Whom are you attracted to and if both, whom are you predominantly attracted to? What do you waking and sleeping fantasies consist of? You stated that your first sexual experience with a man was pleasurable, would you willingly participate in more experiences?

    This test https://flexuality.wordpress.com/take-the-test/ helped me reconcile my sexuality and covers more than the traditional straight, bisexual or gay sexualities. Just remember, it's not scientific, it just might help you understand where you fall.
     
  8. Mezza40

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    Yes I think I would but I have no one I can trust to experiment further with. One of my worries is doing with someone who just pounds away thinking only of thier pleasure.

    I worry about mess and doing enemas I know that they are safe so long as they are not done too often but how often is too much
     
  9. zgaynz

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    You may have to go looking for that someone as in my experience, if you build it, the don't come, aka, good things don't come to those that wait. I wouldn't be using hookup apps, that's likely to end up in that scenario you don't want. Dating websites may aid you but remember you don't have to do anything you don't want to. Get to know the man first.

    Condoms and a douche would help with any mess. I'm not experienced in the dating or sex scene so my advice is rather limited.
     
  10. BiGemini87

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    It comes down to less what kind of porn you prefer or what you've experienced sexually, and more about how you feel. Anal play can be enjoyed by anyone: man or woman, straight or gay, etc. So that on its own merits doesn't indicate anything.

    You said you're attracted to and enjoy sex with women, so the question is: Have you ever been attracted to another man--be it one of your sexual partners or not? What drew you towards having these sexual encounters in the first place?

    Sexual orientation is more about attraction than it is about action; we know this from gay men/lesbians who have been in opposite-sex partnerships before coming out as fully gay/lesbian, and straight people who have experimented with the same sex in order to be certain it wasn't for them.

    If you are bisexual, it's completely normal to have a stronger preference for one sex over the other. Seldom do bisexual people have a 50/50 split in their attractions. So even if you haven't been attracted to nearly as many men as women, it would still qualify. If you haven't actually been attracted to another man, then...well, you could still be bisexual, but closer to the heterosexual spectrum.

    I don't think the latter is the case, though. Overall, it's something you'll have to work out for yourself, though we're happy to help you reach the conclusion you need in whatever way we can. :slight_smile:
     
  11. Mezza40

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    I completely agree and it is true I have a female friend who is Bi and said herself she still leans more to men.
    What drew me to have these experiences, for my first experience I had just come out of a relationship with my first gf who treated me like trash, flirting with other guys often in front of me so eventually and reluctantly I called time on us. I was in bits and this guy just popped up and was just nice to me and I think I just thought what the hell. and looking back on it I enjoyed he certainly did.

    I generally find both men and women attractive.
     
  12. BiGemini87

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    I wonder if your vulnerability at the time had an impact? Not that you aren't bi, but more than maybe it helped open you to an experience you might have otherwise not had (or not until much later). Sometimes, awakenings come at a time when we most need them.

    If you're attracted to both, then I think it's pretty straightforward. :slight_smile: Difficult as it is, try to think less on what others will think, and focus more on how it makes you feel--independent of any judgments, past or present, that have been made towards you or other LGBT folk.
     
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