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Not sure how to proceed

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by poohbearxo, Apr 15, 2022.

  1. poohbearxo

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    I mentioned in a previous thread about this woman I’m crushing on and her relationship status and our friendship. I was round hers last week and once again we made food together and chatted and laughed the whole night on her bed. During the night however she started to open up to me about her relationship. She explained that they’re not close at all (physically, emotionally) and she never feels wanted or loved in the relationship (it is long distance), and her girlfriend never puts in effort with her, nor does she know where she stands. She seemed really confused by it all, and she wanted my opinion and advice. I got the impression they are on rocky water currently and will split up. She also made a lot of comparisons between her girlfriend and me, and said she feels more comfortable talking to me about certain subjects and topics as opposed to her.

    It was also odd because during the 5 hours we were chatting, when the conversation died down a bit there were these odd silences and during the few seconds we’d just look at each other in the eyes and smile and it felt so powerful and a few times I genuinely thought we were going to kiss, but I felt nervous I guess and I would always fidget or grab a drink to break the atmosphere. Is that something that could be in my head? But I definitely felt it.

    I got the impression she feels emotionally close to me, and I really do like her. I don’t know where to proceed from here.
     
    #1 poohbearxo, Apr 15, 2022
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2022
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  2. Sunchimes

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    Hello @poohbearxo

    From what you’ve written here it sounds to me like she really enjoys your company just like you enjoy hers. She’s already comparing you to her girlfriend and pointing out how she feels more comfortable talking to you.

    Those silences where you’re both looking into each other’s eyes and smiling also tell me that there is emotion from both of you coming into play here.

    When you feel that moment where you think you’re going to kiss, just hold the gaze and try not to break away. That powerful feeling will take over if she’s feeling it too.

    You can even tell her she’s amazing as you’re looking at each other like that.

    I am so glad you have someone there who you are so close to and can talk for so long with like that. You two really get along. If her long distance relationship is failing then you’re definitely in with a chance here.

    I hope it all goes well for you!
     
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  3. PatrickUK

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    It sounds like there is something deeper going on, but it's good that you decided break the atmosphere during those moments of silence because it could have led to a rather compromising situation while she is still in a relationship. Even if the relationship is heading for the rocks, it best not to be seen as the catalyst or implicated in the break up.
     
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  4. poohbearxo

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    Thanks for the reply! I’m not sure if the time is right since she’s still in a relationship and I’m not sure what’s going to happen between them two. Also, this is the first time I’ve ever been in this situation before with a female, and I’m used to the male taking the lead so I feel very nervous about the prospect of making a move on her in the future.

    Do you think from what you’ve read she might have romantic feelings for me? Do you have any advice?
     
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  5. Sunchimes

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    I understand totally. It’s a priority that she ends her relationship if she’s not happy isn’t it?

    Just from what you’ve written, how you get along, how she’s told you she can talk to you better and is making comparisons between you and her girlfriend speaks volumes. Adding to the mix those moments when you’re silent and looking into each other’s eyes. It tells me that there’s a high possibility she has feelings for you.

    My advice, comes from what I would do in this situation but I do tend to take the lead. I’m always straight to the point as well in these situations. When the time feels right in future and there is a moment where you feel close with her I’d ask her outright about her relationship and where it’s going.

    I tend to use humour a lot as well and I’d more than likely say something like “We get along it’s a pity we weren’t together” just to see how she responded. If she responded negatively then I’d brush it off as just a silly comment that I’d made (lol).

    Even just coming out and telling her how you feel about her and wonder if she feels the same would be an option.

    If those options would be too stressful for you then I’d just carry on as you are and see where things lead. The more you’re together and enjoying each other’s company the more she will want to end her current relationship if she’s getting feelings for you. Sometimes these things take a bit of time but once that’s out the way she may take the lead.

    Hope this helps a bit and I hope it all turns out good for you! :slight_smile:
     
  6. silverhalo

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    When she asked for your opinion what did you say?

    Perhaps sometime you could say something along the lines of, life is too short to spend it in a relationship that doesn't make you happy. You deserve someone that makes you feel loved and special and happy. If your current girlfriend isnt doing that for you then perhaps she isnt the one for you and it is time to move on and be with someone else.