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New development

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Rayland, Sep 24, 2021.

  1. Rayland

    Moderator Full Member

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    So, where do I even start? 2021 has been a year of discovery to me. I feel like I have become more at peace with myself. There is no doubt in my mind, that my soul is male. It’s very hard for me to keep it as a secret. I think everyday about how to come out and then deciding against it, because it didn’t feel like a perfect time. I feel like I have no outlet either.

    I have started question my sexuality. That I might be bi instead of being gay or straight. I felt like being gay was pretty stuck in stone for me and now I can’t even say 100% that I won’t ever go for a woman.

    Some background

    Ever since I was young I never questioned my sexuality. I didn’t even know it was possible to question it. I grew up in a family, where there were more women in the house, than men (Father, mother, me, my sister and grandma). They believe in traditional family values. Men working and being head of the family and women raising children and taking care of the home. No one ever thought me that there could even be different types of families. I was a quiet and shy child and am still shy. I always just acted the way it was expected. That’s that.

    I never before had any romantic thoughts about girls, all my thoughts involved men only. I don’t know if it’s me overthinking everything again. I do have some experience with men and women, but I am very much a novice.

    I have had women flirting with me, but most of the time I just felt uncomfortable around these women, then again, there has been men too who I didn’t feel comfortable to be with. I was even scared of them.

    Why do I think I might be bi?

    1. Because lately I have been able to imagine having an relationship with a woman, when thinking, if I could be bi.

    2. I don’t feel attracted to masculine women and I don’t feel attracted to feminine women. I am attracted to women who are between masculine and feminine. It’s a bit hard to describe it. I even have a preferred type.

    3. There are more that I’m too embarrassed to say, but here it goes. There have been instances when a woman’s touch felt good and there wasn’t even any flirting or anything. Just a brush against the skin.

    It’s a bit hard for me to meet new people right now, because all of my time is being taken by my home and school. I am also way too shy.

    I feel a bit nervous to post this, but yeah, this is what’s going on with me lately. I wanted to get my thoughts out. Am I overthinking? Do I fit in with that label? I know I like men more, but is there is a chance I could also be with a woman? So many questions. Sorry for the long post. Thank you for reading this.
     
  2. QuietPeace

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    Among the different people who I have known that have transitioned it is not that uncommon for people to become more open about who they might be attracted to. I participated in a study of LGBT+ people and one of the things that study found is that less than half of people who transition identify as monosexual (gay/lesbian or straight). It seems that once we are more comfortable in who we are it becomes easier to explore having other attractions. I myself never considered being attracted to males until after I started living as my true self.

    As far as having a type, most people have types. With liking the way women feel, to me that is natural since women are generally softer and usually have less hair than men.

    As far as do you fit with bisexual. It is extremely rare for someone who is bisexual to be exactly 50/50 even though that is how many people perceive it. Most have something of a preference.
     
  3. PatrickUK

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    I don't think you are overthinking, you are just thinking more freely. Sometimes, as people lean more into their gender identity they experience emotional space in which they can explore other significant issues and that's maybe where you are now.

    This is a point of some significance for many trans men. How will cis men relate to them and vice versa? Even as a cis male, I find it discomforting and scary to be around some men because they are like emotional bomb sites. So wrapped up in trying to prove themselves as an alpha male, they make others ill at ease too. In a country that promotes traditional values you are likely to encounter lots of men who are trying to fit this mould, so your point takes on an even greater significance and maybe that's one of the reasons why women (of a certain type) seem more attractive/appealing to you. Do you think there is anything in this?

    It's possible you fit the bisexual label, but I would be more inclined to ask how fitting it seems to you? Maybe you'll need more thinking and questioning time before you arrive at a firm decision, but I don't think there is anything wrong with testing the label for yourself. As @QuietPeace mentioned above, very few bisexual people fit neatly into 50/50. There are some bisexuals who are strongly and predominantly attracted to the same or opposite sex (such that they could label themselves as gay) but bisexual still feels the best fit for them. In the end, it's how we feel as individuals about our preferred label that is more important than anything else.

    Use that emotional space to look at it from different angles and test the label out. How does it feel? Does it seem to make sense, right now? (Remember, nothing is set in stone).
     
  4. Rayland

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    Exactly that. The man who scared me was an alcoholic too and had a reputation on fooling around with women, even though they were married with a kid. I was scared to be around them, because I was scared on them forcing himself on me. They had this kind of aura surrounding themself, back then even my grandma said to be careful around him. He did seem like a type to prove that they are alpha male. I seem to like women who are soft and who are also firm, because I’m so shy and not strong at all to protect myself.

    Thank you both @QuietPeace and @PatrickUK Being bisexual feels right for now, but I do need to test it out more.