Hi, I posted here several years ago about issues with sexuality and porn. However, recently I've been to a psychiatrist who has diagnosed me with having high functioning ASD and possibly ADHD. I'm just wondering if there's anyone on here who's similar? In many ways the diagnosis has been a relief as it has allowed me to see why my life has been like it has heen; the obsessions, the anxiety, the loneliness. The only questioning I have remaining is about sexuality. Porn has been a borderline obsession of mine since I was eleven years of age (now 33). I've gone through various categories, including gay and become aroused by them all. My fantasies have largely been around women but they are very elaborate and detailed. The autism may explain this as my brain seems to live in a permanent world of fantasy, not just sexual. My real life experiences have been solely with women. I was with a girl for nearly a decade who was very lovely but it never felt quite right. Sex was often hard for me and it left me feeling that i possibly was gay? Then I met another girl who i really fell for, I loved sex with her and just kissing her used to around me. I felt an attraction emotionally as much as physically. I feel like in real life i struggle to connect with people but with her i did. However, the relationship was only brief and I've returned to depression and porn. I have issues with alcohol too, I feel like my brain is in a constant state of flux and needing stimulation. I'm scared porn has damaged me. Just wondering if anyone else is on the spectrum and how they've coped with sexuality issues? I'm not too fussed about gay/straight labels now but I'm scared of being on my own forever. I feel like my brain is fundamentally different from others and will prevent me finding happiness.
I could have those conditions also, but another thing it made me think of was being highly sensitive, or HSP, and I think that makes it much harder for me to be gay. To trust all the bitchiness and gossip when everyone knows everyone, to freeze someone out they don't like. It's too much for me. It's weird too bc it's bad enough in the regular world and then get rejected if you don't fit in trying to date too.
