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Need Some Guidance

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Dev226, Nov 28, 2021.

  1. Dev226

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    I've had a feeling that I wasn't strictly straight since I was 16-17 but I denied these feelings, mostly because I was what a lot of people would say is a stereotypical conservative. But in the past couple of years I have come to accept the idea that I am bisexual.

    The issue is I have no idea how to handle this. I've always been introverted and shy which made it a struggle to approach girls, let alone a guy after just coming to terms with my sexuality. Not to mention the fact that I've had very little interaction with the LGBT community, partly because I'm afraid of being judged since I do still hold to some conservative values/ beliefs.

    Any advice would be great, and don't be afraid to ask prying questions. I'd be more than happy to clarify things.
     
  2. TinyWerewolf

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    I should've known I was bi at around 11- but denial kept me safer than I would've been if I'd known all that time. I grew up in a Catholic school and in a homophobic family. I don't think I even heard the word bisexual until I was 17, and even before I knew the word seemed to resonate with me. I was terrified when I did finally realize I am bi, mostly for fear of the people I know and the area being homophobic. Realizing I'm a trans guy was the same twisted mind games on steroids.

    The way I met more people was through pride club in college, I had good friends there. I know a few people who use dating apps and met people that way (but that was more for hooking up for them from what they've told me). If you're old enough for something like a gay bar (or any bar really) you could try that. Maybe pick up a new hobby and take a class on it. If you're looking for a romantic relationship though, in my experience it happens when you don't expect it (or even when you try to avoid it haha)- I was not expecting to meet my girlfriend when I did. When you do find someone you like though face the introvert fears and take a chance on the person. I know that's much easier said than done Dev, but you can do it.
     
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  3. PatrickUK

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    Exploring our sexuality and coming out is something we do at our own pace. Some people seem to sprint through the process, while others take a long time. It took me several years.

    If we live in a conservative community or hold very conservative beliefs and values we may find it more difficult to come to terms with our sexuality and look for dates, but there are socially liberal conservatives who are able to reconcile these matters quite well and participate in the LGBTQ community. If we hold very conservative beliefs and values it may be necessary to re-evaluate where we stand on some issues as the LGBTQ community does track in a more liberal direction. It has to be said that our dating pool may be more limited if we stand firm on a strong right wing platform. Much will depend on where you stand on matters of personal morality and the right of the state/government to intrude into people's private and sexual lives?

    Even if we are brimming with confidence it's normal to have some nerves about dating, but if we set out to make some social contacts within the LGBTQ community first that can help a lot. Are you close to any cities with an established LGBTQ community? Do you know of any meet ups for friendship and mutual support? It might be worth taking a look online and getting in touch with such a group. Be honest about how you feel because honesty and authenticity really counts for a lot and people will normally respond well to us if we are more open.
     
    Michael, BiGemini87 and TinyWerewolf like this.
  4. BiGemini87

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    Hello, @Dev226. It can be really challenging when you're first coming to terms with your lack of heterosexuality, and it seems doubled for people who aren't extreme Left in their views. Like Patrick said, you might find the pool of people you'll click with--romantically or otherwise--to be limited compared to those in more liberal groupings, but it's not impossible to find someone you resonate with. And more importantly, not everyone lets political differences hinder their ability to find a meaningful connection with someone else.

    I think right now it's better for you to give yourself time: let yourself really take in the fact that you're bisexual, accept it and even come to embrace it. It might be difficult to enter a dating pool when you're still grappling with how you feel about not being straight, but if/when you feel ready to, you can try any number of dating apps/LGBT social platforms. You can also join support groups for LGBT folk, such as P-Flag or any other local variations. :slight_smile:
     
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  5. Dev226

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    I'm very socially liberal, and never held any level of belief that people who are part of the LGBT community should be censored in anyway, in fact I've been vocal for a good part of my life that people who are LGBT deserve the same degree of respect as anyone else. I think it's more just coming to terms with myself being bi that has been the issue.
    I do attend college in the Phoenix metro area, so I can easily connect with various LGBT groups in the area. My biggest fear is being outright rejected by the community because not all of my views align with what some people assume members of the LGBT community should believe. But, that may just my personal anxiety causing me to believe many of the stereotypes that are out there instead of seeing for myself.

    I think I will give what you guys said a try, getting more comfortable with myself and my sexuality. Also, doing what @TinyWerewolf suggested and joining my campus' pride club next semester. From there I'll look into getting more exposure to the LGBT community and consider looking for some kind of relationship. I think it is more just me willing to take a leap of faith to get more involved with the community.
     
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  6. DecentOne

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    Hi Dev226,
    I attended a men’s group at a LGBTQ center before COVID, and one of the rules was to avoid political discussions. There were differences in opinion among group members and they found they needed the rule to stay on track being supportive to one another as a gay/bi group. Older guys privately would talk to me about stuff, but not in the group. So, from my experience I’d say you’ll find a mix out in the real world, maybe even on campus (I never attended the GSA-type group on campus decades ago, so no I don’t have insights about that).

    Don’t take it personally if LGBTQ folks have a problem with you being conservative. Politicians and religious leaders who _claim_ to be conservative have been, for years, using LGBTQ attacks as a way to fire up their base supporters. It is too bad those leaders smeared the word by their selfish actions.