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Need Advice on how to ask someone about its sexuality...

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Gleeko0, May 16, 2011.

  1. Gleeko0

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Brazil
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    So...we know each other for a good couple of months (actually, more than a year i'm pretty sure) and he is really cute and all but i was never interested in even trying to socialize with him, i thought he was rude and that eventually exposing my bisexuality (even so indirectly like that) wouldn't be good and wasn't worth it.

    At the start of this year, i noticed i was wrong about him. Unlike the previous school years i noticed he is being a lot studious and that he has been showing himself as a very sweet guy. So...i thought it would be fine to try to approach him and know him more, and the more i know him the more i get infatuated with his beauty, character and personality. Ya'll know..having a nice body and face, being girl or guy isn't enough to make me do something for a person, and...this is the first time this happens with a guy on my life. So i'm working on talking to him more and to make sure i am not wrong that he is bisexual/gay.

    I do trust my Intuition but it alone will not convince me to tell him my sexual orientation, and i always look for rational responses instead of emotional ones. So i've been accurately and discretely observing him, while we talk..while i try approaches, etc. To make sure i am not having a long-term fantasy

    My conclusion that he was also bisexual was approved several times, non-stop and that is making me re-think everything back again, to make sure it isn't a fantasy. He winked to me today .-.

    Today something very interesting happened:

    Last week, i helped him with the Geography point-recovery exam. It went well and we had a nice moment talking and discussing, alone.

    Today, we had our Calculus point-recovery exam. I didn't think he needed it..i thought he went well on the main exam, but he didn't. So i erroneously asked him if he could help me out (in fact, that was just to interact with him...because my other friend had helped me out in the recreation time, i made sure he wouldn't see me or him, and we went to the library. in order to try this approach i am reporting you right now.). He said he was going to do it too, i got stuck lol. I thought about something to say very fast, ...and i asked him if somebody had helped him reviewing before (he was reviewing with a friend multiple times trough multiple classes...i saw it, so i was expecting a "yes") He said "Nop" ..and by his voice-tone: he was clearly lying. And...from a extroverted guy he suddenly turned timid.

    He suggested if we could review together, got a chair, and put it close to me.

    It was...a bit awkward because i suck in Calculus, and he does too lol, so we pretty much didn't help each other out too much (although it was a productive review in therms of what we needed...that didn't matter anyway, both of us had reviewed everything before.), the talking was very "shy"...both of us were timid at that moment. it was so obvious me and him weren't there to review? And that he contributed to interact with me?

    -I am aware i must be totally blinded out and my rationality is compromised. but thats the true story, with conclusions-

    I don't consider him an acquaintance, but we aren't well known either. So i am really stuck and i can't think of many ways on how to ask him about his sexuality (and shortly come out) without looking and sounding awkward. Because if all this is some huge fantasy and emotions totally took over my rationality and played around with it, i don't want to have my daily life compromised and pass too much shame.....
     
    #1 Gleeko0, May 16, 2011
    Last edited: May 16, 2011
  2. Raeil

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    From what you've said, it seems like he does like you to some extent. Whether he likes you as a friend or as someone to date is not something you can rationally determine. Trust me on that, I was receiving similar signals from someone and I was incorrect. I'm not going to say you're incorrect, because there's a good chance you're right about him. Anyway, now that that disclaimer/warning is out of the way...

    Since you're not out to many people yet, do you trust him? If you told him at all, would he keep the secret even if he wasn't bi? If you can answer yes to both of those questions, then I have to tell you: no matter what your sexuality, asking another individual out, and not knowing that they will respond in the affirmative is awkward (at least among my friends it is). When you're not out, it adds a layer of awkwardness, but there is still that base layer which is there no matter what. Don't be scared of sounding odd. If he is someone you can trust, then he won't tell anyone before you're out, and even if he doesn't have the same feelings, he shouldn't be affected as far as friendship goes. Good luck! If you have any more concerns, let me know or post here!
     
  3. Gleeko0

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Brazil
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Ya, i know right..

    i wasn't going to ask him out, just get out the closet and ask him if he is bi/gay lol.

    Ya that helps a lot, thanks ^^ i will take your comment with a lot of consideration.

    I'll keep learning and thinking what will i do...
     
  4. Jim1454

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    All you can do is come out to him and HOPE that he offers the same information to you. But remember that we all work on a different schedule, and even if he IS bisexual or gay, and even if he is crazy about you, he MIGHT not be prepared to tell you that he is gay or bisexual. He simply might not be ready.

    And if he doesn't come out to you, I wouldn't ask him out. That would suggest that you've ASSUMED that he is gay - which he might not appreciate. EVEN IF HE IS GAY - he might think that he's doing a good job at hiding it. You would be confirming to him that he isn't doing a good job, and it might push him further into the closet than he already is.

    You're in a tough spot for sure.