I have been a member of EC for some time but haven't posted for a long time. I always found this site to be quite therapeutic when I'm having a crisis so hopefully this time will be the same. I hate posting this because I know there are people worse off than me because I've managed to work from home throughout lockdown so am doing OK financially. The problem for me is that I'm working from home and still live with my parents... I've been really struggling over the last couple of weeks and don't really feel like being here anymore. I know I wouldn't actually do anything stupid but that doesn't stop the thoughts constantly running through my head. I just feel so hopeless at the minute and that my life is stuck in a rut. I drink heavily every weekend. I'm actually quite drunk right now. Sadly, I feel like I'm only ever honest with myself when I'm drunk. Hence why I'm posting this now... My dad is an ignorant narcissist. Always has been. Always will be. I try to avoid contact with him because I tend to disagree with everything he says. Spoke to him a bit tonight. Of course, everything I said he didn't listen to. He just interrupted and got his own opinions across. Every single conversation I have with him just results in him ignoring me and interrupting to get his views across and tell me stories about himself. I spoke to my mum about how annoying he is because she is a nicer person. But sadly she's been married to him for over 30 years so she's so downtrodden that she always just blindly defends him. So told me to stop complaining about my dad.. I try and tell my friends about it but they just ignore me. I think they must just find me boring. I am quite a good listener when my friends have problems and try my best to give advice and help them. But I always feel like if I try and mention my own issues then nobody cares. I just feel so lost and lonely at the moment. I just need somebody to listen to me and to talk to. Hopefully somebody can relate to this if they read it and not just find me boring and unbearable like everybody else seems to.
Hi! Just because some people have it "worse" (pandemic, or not) doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to feel frustrated with your current situation or that your feelings aren't valid! Sometimes things can be a wee bit uncomfy if the problem doesn't have a fairly easy solution and people don't know what to say. But flat out ignoring your issues isn't the "good friend" thing to do. Sometimes all we can do is vent and just that can help Did you move back in for the pandemic? Or were living there before, but not being able to get out as much is amplifying some of your issues at home? Don't have much advice unfortunately, but hope somebody can come along in a bit and offer some good advice/support for you
Hi @Closet88, I’m sorry that you’re in this situation and I’m sorry that your friends haven’t been supportive. Could you try talking to them again and expressing how much the situation is affecting you? As @HM03 says, your feelings and experiences are completely valid. It doesn’t matter how they compare with the experiences of other people, but I know that it’s easy to make comparisons and minimise your own circumstances/feelings - I think my therapist pulls me up for doing the same thing on an almost weekly basis. I’m in a similar-ish position to you. I moved back home about 18 months ago after leaving an abusive relationship, but it turns out that my abusive relationship was repeating patterns that I’d learnt in childhood, so I’m not entirely out of the woods by being at home. It’s a new concept to me, that my parents have been or are abusive, and I’ve not completely wrapped my head around it yet. It’s emotionally and mentally draining, on top of the day-to-day reality of living with my mum and stepdad. Therapy is helping though, and we’re working on a plan to get me out and living on my own. Have you considered therapy? If privacy is a concern, you could sit in your car, which is what I do. Or could you formulate a plan to get out and living on your own? Take care, LostInDaydreams
Right now things are a bit super-weird with this virus and everything. So the answer is to find the inner strength to push through things the best you can. To help this you can focus on some “master plan” for the next 6-12 months of your life when the pandemic will hopefully be history and you can move your life in to a new dynamic for yourself. that may mean ‘biting your lip’ every time your father says something inappropriate or when he fails to listen to what you are really saying. it may also mean suffering an excruciating family Christmas with all that goes with it. But think beyond that for a very different 2021 in order to keep your sanity some suggestions: To create a new life.. you may need a helping hand. A therapist or even a ‘life coach’ could help you navigate / find the way towards a better place Even if you did this with a private therapist for 6-8 weeks @ £50 ... what have you got to lose? Write down your goals for the next 3 years and list out the steps needed to move towards those goals Are you depressed? Do you need some professional help to deal with that? Therapy/medication? The drinking you mention suggests you may be “self-medicating” to deal with the anxiety/depression The blunt truth is you basically have to “take control” of your own life. Because family and friends are not going to do it for you. Let them live their own lives .... but you need to make some moves towards securing your own happiness which should now be your No.1 priority. ... onwards and upwards!!
