Long story short, I first was bisexual, then identified as a lesbian, but have also been having a simultaneous gender crisis and discovered I was gender fluid (I think) and so I'm newly confused about my sexuality because I do feel like a lesbian but only if I were to regard myself only as a woman, but I don't, and maybe I have trouble admitting to myself that I am still sexually attracted to men only because I don't want to be because I know that I can only ever have sex with them while they see me as a woman, and I don't want that. I think maybe intimacy could be different with a man if they didn't see me as a woman, or even just strictly as a woman, but I'm too afraid to try to initiate intimacy with anyone because it feels unfair to everyone around me that I am so confused. Does anyone have any advice or has anyone followed a similar path in their exploration of their own identities? I am feeling frustrated and impossible and like there is something wrong with me.
Societies all over the world are built around compulsory heteronormativity so it can be very difficult to figure out who we really are. Give yourself some time to explore and go ahead and relax about it. You are not broken and there is nothing wrong with you. As far as the rest of it maybe it would be a good idea to explore your gender first. There is a thread in gender identity and expression where you can experiment with names and pronouns. If you have any people in your life who you are pretty sure would be accepting you can even try letting them know that your gender is not binary and see how it feels when they address you with different names and/or pronouns. I think that dating and exploring your sexuality while questioning your gender is ok so long as you are open and honest with everyone about that process and that things might change.
No. There are men who are gay or bisexual out there, luckily. i second exploring gender first, you need to be happy with yourself first in order to build a healthy relationship